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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shake my sister and tell her she's being an idiot!

63 replies

Mostwonderfultime21 · 23/11/2021 21:32

Well I wanted to use a stronger word than idiot but thought It might get taken down.

Anyway my dsis is being ungrateful, awful and horrible to our DM.
Quick background Dsis has 2 children under 2. Struggles with anxiety. Has a dp and been in a long term relationship with them.
DM helps both of them so much. Babysits, goes round helps with housework. Our parents help them with DIY and so much other stuff. Dsis rings them and DM drops everything to be there. DM never asks for anything in return.
So here is the incident. Dsis partner has bad mouthed our DM. Dsis told her what he said, she then went back to her DP and tell them our DM knows what he said. So basically Dsis is stirring it up to get at her DP. This is not unusual of her tbh.
DM is extremely upset, crying and don't know what she's done wrong. The DP hasn't apologised to our DM. Dsis thinks our DM is being unreasonable because she won't really speak to her DP (don't blame her) and claims she is being awkward. So Dsis has now turned against our DM. Our DM has literally done nothing wrong.

Now I'm in the middle. I agree with our DM and just want to shake Dsis and tell her how ungrateful she's being towards our DM. DM is basically a counsellor to Dsis (not healthy me and DM know). Without our DM she would be in such a really bad place.
What do I do because if I have a go at my sister then eventually DM and her will make up and then I'll be left looking the bad guy. Or do I just be quiet?

OP posts:
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 23/11/2021 21:35

You need to stay out of it with your DSIS or you will be doing what she did. But keep supporting your poor DM to stand up for herself. She would be within her rights to stop helping your Dsis - having anxiety does not mean you will act like an arsehole or give you an excuse when you have.

thumpingrug · 23/11/2021 21:57

You need to get some counselling, you have a massive chip on your shoulder.

PikachuAndMe · 23/11/2021 22:21

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Stay out of it.

Original poster
Mostwonderfultime21 · 23/11/2021 22:23

@thumpingrug

You need to get some counselling, you have a massive chip on your shoulder.
Well I don't. But I don't want to see my DM upset and sad and crying because of my Dsis actions.
OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 23/11/2021 22:25

Does your dm complain about your dsis to you?
What exactly did her dp 'bad mouth' and what were the circumstances around it?

Karmakamelion · 23/11/2021 22:25

Of course op is going to support her mum and have an opinion. PPs who say she is being unreasonable are just being goady and unkind
Op just support your mum and ignore the nasty comments.

justasking111 · 23/11/2021 22:25

Support your mum when needed, don't take sides with them no matter what you really think.

Wolfiefan · 23/11/2021 22:26

Your DM should deal with the issue herself. Not be sad and crying at you.
All sounds like a lot of drama over not very much. Stay out of it.

BakedTattie · 23/11/2021 22:26

Stay well out of it

Notonthestairs · 23/11/2021 22:28

I don't think you have a chip on your shoulder.

Your sister on the other hand seems to be at the centre of this mess. Why on earth was she busy repeating her partners moans?

But don't involve yourself beyond being kind to your mum. It will sort itself one way or another.

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 23/11/2021 22:32

I'd leave your sister to it and tell your mum to pull back. Your sister will soon learn.

MatildaTheCat · 23/11/2021 22:34

DM should take a huge step back and take a break. You shouldn’t get involved. dSis and her DP sound like immature idiots.

The perfect MN solution would be for you to take your DM to a spa. 😊

Original poster
Mostwonderfultime21 · 23/11/2021 22:35

@MichelleScarn

Does your dm complain about your dsis to you? What exactly did her dp 'bad mouth' and what were the circumstances around it?
I think the jist was Dsis came round DM after having an argument with her DP. All very usual. He wouldn't disapline my nephew. He rang my DM to ask if Dsis was there. He tried to paint my Dsis in a bad light and all DM said was you both need to discipline the children together. DP then got annoyed at DM as she didn't side with him.

Might i add, I don't actually like her DP. But keep my mouth shut about it. Their relationship is very toxic on both sides

OP posts:
timetimetickingonme · 23/11/2021 22:41

How old is your Dsis? Is she older or younger than you?

I think the stay quiet option is the sensible one here. Let your Dsis and DM sort it out between them.

thumpingrug · 23/11/2021 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

slightlysnippy · 23/11/2021 22:48

@thumpingrug oh my you having a bad day,

OP support your mum, but don't take sides.. your sister will soon come to her senses when she realises she needs your mum help.

Camembear · 23/11/2021 22:59

Your sister needs to grow up.

You should be nice to your mother and stay out of the drama.

Cryalot2 · 23/11/2021 23:05

Say nothing to your sister.
Support your mum if she asks for it.

It's hard , but these things can escalate.

Just try and be peaceful with all.

NicLondon1 · 23/11/2021 23:43

What do they do to "discipline" the nephew? How old is he and what had he done..?
This may affect whether your Mum was right to tell the Dad to discipline him....

justasking111 · 23/11/2021 23:52

@NicLondon1

What do they do to "discipline" the nephew? How old is he and what had he done..? This may affect whether your Mum was right to tell the Dad to discipline him....
Mum should have kept schtum about discipline
Yaya26 · 24/11/2021 00:00

@NicLondon1

What do they do to "discipline" the nephew? How old is he and what had he done..? This may affect whether your Mum was right to tell the Dad to discipline him....
Hmmm. ... this ‘discipline’ rang alarmsbells with me too. Sounds a bit heavy and I gather from the OP the child is at most 2! Maybe I’m too sensitive after the Arthur Labinjo Hughes case.
Kuachui · 24/11/2021 00:15

depends what disciplining means.... under 3s dont really need disciplining :S they need teaching and guidance, i think maybe ypur DS DP might be in the right here and both of them in the wrong depending on the context but your ds does sound ungrateful

Marvellousmadness · 24/11/2021 01:03

Sounds like your sis is very immature. Let them figure it out. And advice your mum to stay far away from them in the time being

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/11/2021 01:22

@thumpingrug

You need to get some counselling, you have a massive chip on your shoulder.
Where do you get this from. OP hasn't given any indication she has a chip on her shoulder she is just trying to protect her DM.
madisonbridges · 24/11/2021 01:33

With my sister and mum sometimes I say nothing and let them get on with it, and sometimes I tell them to stop it. It depends on the circumstances. In this instance, I wouldn't be happy with your sister's behaviour and she would know about it. However, I have a good relationship with my family and they know that when I interfere, it's because one of them has taken it too far.
So I'd say it depends on how your relationship is with your sister. And for posters saying you could be keft on the outs, my family are close so it wouldn't happen. But if it did and I'd done what I thought was the right thing, I wouldn't care. Their loss.

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