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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at neighbour's false accusation

67 replies

Hdksla133 · 23/11/2021 08:49

My intuition has told me for years, that next door neighbour is not all he seems. My DP has had run-ins with him on and off. The latest escapade was when he decided to hire a skip. He was emptying stuff out of the skip and putting the rubbish by our back door. DP confronted him and said it wasn't him putting our stuff in the skip and the rubbish he was emptying didn't belong to us. So DP put the rubbish back in the skip. Neighbour took it out and literally said it was "tough shit" and chucked the stuff by our door again. A scuffle between them started which got physical, however DP walked away before the contact got serious and told him he wasn't worth it. I wasn't there and wasn't aware of this.

However last night DP let it slip that one week ago at 9pm, two police officers knocked on the door. They said they received an anonymous phone call regarding our two week old baby. At the time I was having a sleep upstairs before taking over 'shifts' with my DP (I do the night shift). They wanted to check the baby was being fed and was warm and they checked the house. DP was obviously more than obliging, as the baby couldn't be more looked after. The house was all warm and tidy and the baby was peacefully napping after feeding. It was obvious that the phone call was a malicious accusation made. It is also blaringly obvious it's the neighbour.

This has both shocked and upset me. It's one thing having a scuffle over some rubbish in the backyard, but to stoop so low to make a malicious accusatory phone call to the police accusing us of neglecting our newborn. Have felt numb ever since. It got me worrying where does someone like this stop. What will he do next... phone social services and falsely accuse me of harming my baby. Feel so stressed. I feel like contacting the community police and having my concerns documenting. Apparently DP got chatting to a bloke that lives a few doors up and he was saying how this neighbour has put nails in tyres in most of the cars on the road including his and he now has a camera up. DP had a nail recently in a car tyre, I have recently had one too. So I also have the safety of my car each time I get in it to worry about now.

OP posts:
Werehamster · 23/11/2021 08:52

That's really scary! I think like the neighbors you need to get cameras for both your cars and around the house. Report any issues with him to the police.

abigailsnan · 23/11/2021 09:03

How awful for you this chap sounds unhinged can you put up camera's so it records his movements when he comes out of his home.If he has his own camera's surely he could see who has fly-tipped into his skip ?

Bingbong21 · 23/11/2021 09:09

This sounds scary. Cameras and a log every single time something happens.

Theunamedcat · 23/11/2021 09:10

Get cameras hopefully after a few phone calls they will come to the conclusion that they are malicious and stop acting on them happened to me I moved house when ds was 6 months old they continued to make reports in our old area but as we had crossed into a different county it was deemed malicious

Mumoblue · 23/11/2021 09:10

Get your own cameras, your neighbour sounds very unstable. If you get any more visits inform them that you have a malicious neighbour.
Also I find it a bit odd your DP didn’t mention the police turning up! I’d make sure he knows you want to know about that kind of thing in future.

oohmama · 23/11/2021 09:12

Can you move?

Blossomandbee · 23/11/2021 09:12

I agree put cameras up. Also speak with the non emergency police about any safety measures you can put in, and also log it as a concern and get a crime number. Anytime something happens add it to the case as it will build up a picture over time.

Redburnett · 23/11/2021 09:14

Move asap. People like that do not change and it will make you miserable. And in the meantime if cameras show anything report to police.

Leftbutcameback · 23/11/2021 09:21

Cameras, log everything, and maybe group together with neighbours so you have a shared log. Even if you can’t prove everything yourself if you group together you may be able to - esp with all the cameras.

girlmom21 · 23/11/2021 09:22

Get cameras. Report any instances to the police. Tell DP not to rise to it and get into any more fights.

Original poster
Hdksla133 · 23/11/2021 09:25

@Redburnett

Move asap. People like that do not change and it will make you miserable. And in the meantime if cameras show anything report to police.
The house is under offer and we are waiting to move but I'm aware the whole process can take months.

DP is hesitant about contacting the community police because you're supposed to declare neighbour disputes and the visit by a community police officer would make this formal.

I'm stressed that he will carry on with this, what would happen if he maliciously contact SS and told them he saw me harming my baby. Would I be innocent until proven guilty or sort of guilty (no smoke without fire) until proven innocent? Why should someone be able to make a malicious phone call and they get away with it. DP informed them it would be him next door.

At the risk of sounding very ageist here on Mumsnet, it amazes me that a seemingly respectable looking man at face value in his early 60s with grown up children, could stoop so low to make such a phone call.

OP posts:
Multicolouredsequins · 23/11/2021 09:27

I have a neighbour who has reported us falsely to the council several times for supposed planning breaches and environmental issues. Utter lies each time. I feel that there should be some sort of alert set up whereby repeat false accusations by the same person are flagged up so I don't immediately receive an unpleasant accusatory email from the council. It's outrageous that people can use the council to harass their neighbours. Our neighbour is evil and I have had a nail in my tyre in the past, I've always wondered if it was her and check around my car now. Awful. I am close to speaking to our solicitor about this.

Silvershroud · 23/11/2021 09:31

Do you think it a bit unfair that a buyer of your house will not know about the neighbour and may not be able to leave like you are doing? I would feel I have to warn them even at the cost of a lost sale.

Original poster
Hdksla133 · 23/11/2021 09:33

@Silvershroud

Do you think it a bit unfair that a buyer of your house will not know about the neighbour and may not be able to leave like you are doing? I would feel I have to warn them even at the cost of a lost sale.
Ok I guess that's us never moving house then!!
OP posts:
SheikhMaraca · 23/11/2021 09:35

You will have to declare it anyway, one of the questions is, are you aware of anything that might lead to a dispute in the future?

You can’t fudge this one I’m afraid.

Dentistlakes · 23/11/2021 09:35

If you are in the middle of selling you need to be careful. Like you say, you need to declare any neighbour disputes. Personally I would ignore and get out asap.

underneaththeash · 23/11/2021 09:43

@Silvershroud

Do you think it a bit unfair that a buyer of your house will not know about the neighbour and may not be able to leave like you are doing? I would feel I have to warn them even at the cost of a lost sale.
I wouldn't be doing that!

I had a similar thing a few years ago, some reported a baby/child constantly crying and SS came round - both times to find no children (as they were at school) and they apologised and didn't come back again.

I assume it was a neighbour too - but couldn't be sure.

JennieLee · 23/11/2021 09:48

I think child protection people are quite busy. There are loads of kids whose parents neglect them,/who have addiction or obvious mental health problems/learning difficulties or who come from severely dysfunctional backgrounds meaning they can't parent properly themselves. There may be other red flags in terms of health records etc

It will be very clear to social services when parents don't fall into those categories.

Sadly malicious calls of this kind will occur from time to time.

Blinkingbatshit · 23/11/2021 09:51

Your dh is right, do not put anything in writing or on record re the dispute if you are selling!! Just stay calm in the knowledge you won’t be there forever.

ancientgran · 23/11/2021 09:54

@Silvershroud

Do you think it a bit unfair that a buyer of your house will not know about the neighbour and may not be able to leave like you are doing? I would feel I have to warn them even at the cost of a lost sale.
I can't see why neighbour being annoyed because he thinks OPs husband put stuff in his skip would be a problem for new people. He's hardly going to blame them is he.

OP doesn't know who reported about the baby, she assumes it's him but it might not be.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 23/11/2021 09:55

Cameras everywhere, review the footage. Don't worry too much about the reports, if they are malicious it will be pretty obvious to the authorities and will actually be in your favour long term. The more they look into them and find the are baseless the better.

Mammy55 · 23/11/2021 09:55

I had a similar situation with false accusations to social services, from a person who I wouldn’t allow contact with my child. They hadn’t even met the child once, I called my health visitor and explained incase of any malicious calls so a note was added. And what I was doing to protect my children maybe you could try that but you need to get out ASAP

User57327259 · 23/11/2021 09:56

It is awful to have to move because of a nasty neighbour. Moving costs a lot of money and it is not easy to find a house that you like. I dont see why neighbours like this should be allowed to get away with this kind of persecution.
I had a similar experience as a young mum. I moved but I was unhappy about it. The person in question went onto make others have a miserable time. Why not put a stop to this kind of bullying

nocnoc · 23/11/2021 10:01

Unless you’ve got documented disputes then you don’t have to declare. Your house is under offer. Put up obvious cameras outside front and back. Night lights. Big signs saying CCTV is recording. It’s not directed at him just personal security but it makes it obvious that you are recording everything. See if you can get a sign that says trespassers will be reported to the police. Do nothing official. You’re under offer anyway. Can you put up fencing that stops him accessing your property. Spikes on top. Barrier your property.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/11/2021 10:01

I sympathise OP but also for the unaware buyer of your house, how awful for them. As someone who suffers anxiety that would finish me off moving in and working out the neighbour was as you describe and that I'd essentially been duped and would be stuck there.

Ultimately all you can actually do is pop a camera up (within legal remit) and report to the police. He can report you to whoever he likes but nothing is going to come of it since it is untrue and eventually he would be prosecuted if anyone would actually report him. Your DP should not have engaged in a fight in the street at all, I would be mortified.

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