Arseholes, why are there so many of them?

[MatildaIThink]

It seems to me that the number of arseholes is multiplying at a rapid pace and I am wondering why?

Just from the last week:
One of the parents screaming at the head of the nursery (that my son also goes to), at drop off because they would not accept their child as she had been sick twice, outside, during drop off, was bright green and had a very high temperature.

My husband was out for a run one morning last week, there was a delivery driver with a flat tyre that he was trying to change and my husband asked if he needed a hand which the driver greatly appreciated. My husband said that multiple times whilst they were changing the tire people beeped horns and shouted at them to "get out the fucking way", there was nowhere the driver could have gone, the tyre was completely off the wheel so he could not drive any further and he was pulled over so far the passenger side of his van was in the bushes on the pavement (the next parking area on that road is more than a mile away, but it is a wide road where you could realistically get four cars across so no real issue).

Over the weekend my brother took me and my mum for lunch on Sunday (my husband had our kids at home, normally we would all go, but Mum wanted a lunch with just the three of us as she wanted to talk about end of life care, power of attorney etc. she is not close yet, but wants to get it in place now) to a nice restaurant. It is not a restaurant where one would take young kids, but a family had any they were also letting their children make a lot of noise and run around, after being told to control their children multiple times the manager kicked them out when one of the kids knocked over a waitress carrying food. The family who were kicked out kept making threats to "trash you online with bad reviews" and other similar things as they were leaving.

One of my staff has come in incredibly upset this morning, someone reversed into her in traffic (the reversed at least four meters, possibly five), got out and started screaming at her, saying it was her fault, threatening her, before driving off through a red light. Luckily she has a dashcam and has reported it to the police as well as insurance.

I have noticed that since coming out of the first lockdown there seem to be far more arseholes around and they seemed to have increased their arseholery.

YABU - No, there is the same level of arseholes as before
YANBU - Yes, there are more arseholes and they are worse than ever.

I'm totally with you OP, I seem to have encountered loads of twats recently. Just this morning a bloke threatened to punch the cashier in B&M when his card declined. The other day some tit hit my car because he came off a mini roundabout too fast (I had exited at a normal speed) then had the cheek to blame me.

And that's just two recent examples, there's been loads in the past few months.

@BoredZelda

People used to care more what others thought of them and whether their children had manners. Now people aren't bothered.

“People” don’t care any less about this now, than they used to.

I disagree. Not all people obviously. I care and so do many others but those that don't are the arseholes that OP is describing.

@5128gap

We've had over a year off from each other and need to reaclimatise and learn to share and play nicely again.

A year off, if only.

I nearly posted a thread about this myself OP! The world seems to have gone mad recently, everyone appears to be looking for an argument every time I go out. Yesterday we had two fingers up in the car at us with a man next to his young son because my husband didn’t say thank you fast enough when it was our right of way. Had someone revving behind us going right up causing my husband to get stressed and stall the car for the first time since we got the car, then as they over took they pulled the middle finger and sped off! All on a Sunday midday yesterday, second man pulled into a pub two seconds earlier than if he had been behind us. I know this because we had to wait behind him while he turned.

When my dad needed to get fuel a few weeks ago during the shortage, a lady shouted at him that he was selfish and other people need it more. He had one bar left, just enough to get back home had the station not had any.

People sighing impatiently in queues and muttering about staff taking ages. People cutting in front. People are either extremely nice at the moment or really fucking grumpy! Problem is, the more grump everyone gets thrown at them the more defensive everyone else is becoming so it’s catching. It’s sad really.

I’m not quite sure what you’re arguing in favour of here? Is your point that people have always been arseholes so we shouldn’t let it bother us now?
Excusing arseholery seems like a great way to create more of them.

My point is that it isn't worse than it used to be, because of covid or lockdown or generations being raised poorly, or because young people...

Of course we should call out arsehollery, but let's not lose our shit about how the country is going to rack and ruin and it's all getting worse when actually, it isn't anywhere near as bad as people want to claim it is, and it certainly is no different to last year, last decade, last century.

it certainly is no different to last year, last decade, last century

Totally disagree. In my sixth decade now, and people are definitely angrier and ruder. There are lots of good people out there still, but general behaviour is becoming more arse-holey.

@BoredZelda

I’m not quite sure what you’re arguing in favour of here? Is your point that people have always been arseholes so we shouldn’t let it bother us now? Excusing arseholery seems like a great way to create more of them.

My point is that it isn't worse than it used to be, because of covid or lockdown or generations being raised poorly, or because young people...

Of course we should call out arsehollery, but let's not lose our shit about how the country is going to rack and ruin and it's all getting worse when actually, it isn't anywhere near as bad as people want to claim it is, and it certainly is no different to last year, last decade, last century.

You’ve only got to look at old video footage of people being interviewed on the streets to know society is COMPLETELY different to how it used to be.

I think the language and aggression is worse now

It's partly due to the cultural takeover of the USA accelerated by the fact that all leading social media are US-centric and 99% are US-based.

Nah - there was always a multitude of a**holes.
They just did not have the option of hiding behind social media

I think one of the issues is insufficient staff in shops and restaurants.

I won’t go to The Range, it makes me explode. No shop floor staff, massive queues.

I think in America it’s deemed to be bad service if people have to queue. But no one cares in Britain.

Arseholes have definitely been on the up since the seventies and eighties. Football hooliganism is the first example I remember. Massive rise in acceptable arseholery since 2016 - President Trump and Brexit normalised some vile behaviour. And here we are.

[quote Lavender24]@ThousandsOfTulips I actually complained to my local council about their high street "covid police" shouting aggressively and shoving their hands millimetres from people's faces to enforce a one way system. It was annoying at best but I imagined it could be very stressful to those with autism or PTSD.[/quote]
Thank you for doing that.

Yes that kind of behaviour is what means that I and many others I know avoid public spaces and public transport whenever possible. If a respect for personal space of at least two metres with anybody who isn't family or friends becomes the norm following the pandemic the world will be a much happier place for many of us!

You’ve only got to look at old video footage of people being interviewed on the streets to know society is COMPLETELY different to how it used to be.

The only difference in that between then and now is the kind of footage archived from years ago is far more likely to be favourable because that is what the broadcasting standards allowed at the time. I guarantee if you’d had smartphones in 1950 there would be plenty of arsehole footage.

In my sixth decade now, and people are definitely angrier and ruder.

The only difference is your advancing years and attention shift. You didn’t see it 40 years ago because your generation were it. It’s called memory bias and there are many studies about it.

Arseholes have definitely been on the up since the seventies and eighties. Football hooliganism is the first example I remember. Massive rise in acceptable arseholery since 2016 - President Trump and Brexit normalised some vile behaviour. And here we are.

Sure. Because racism and sexism and people rioting for their rights just wasn’t a thing in the 50s and 60s 🙄

The word hooliganism was first used in 1894 to describe a gang of youths in London who murdered someone. The first example of crowd violence at a sporting event was at a chariot race in the year 532. Not a new phenomenon.

I think the language and aggression is worse now

Wrong again. Bad language and aggression has always been around, it isn’t getting any worse.

Yep complete aresholes. I had a woman complain that we didnt have much choice of crisps, i informed her of the current supply issue with crisps, she said 'its not good enough' so I told her to complain to Walkers then....with that she threw her basket at me!!!!.
My reaction was to throw it right back at her but instead i shouted 'do you not want your basket then' .
Im leaving the wonderful world of retail soon, just cant take it anymore.

The only difference is your advancing years and attention shift. You didn’t see it 40 years ago because your generation were it. It’s called memory bias and there are many studies about it

No - I have experienced a very different set of societal norms over the years, nothing to do with memory bias. Things have changed - some for the better, but others are certainly for the worse. You can deny it all you like, it doesn’t make you right.

People are more stressed out generally. It’s not like we’re living through a great time at the moment is it? Everything is fucked to a certain extent.

@ImustLearn2Cook

Sometimes I wonder if we are overwhelmed with stress. So, much has happened in recent history. 9/11, bombings, the threat of terrorism, increased security and monitoring, climate change and dealing with climate change deniers and feelings of powerlessness to make any real difference, pandemic and lockdowns and uncertainty, overloaded with constant information, political correctness and being easily offended, loss of a sense of humour etc.

Are there more arseholes or are we just cracking under the pressure.

This

political correctness and being easily offended, loss of a sense of humour

You mean - people are no longer able to spout racist, bigoted or sexist crap under the guise of humour so they act like arseholes in protest?

Constant fighting on social media and the encouragement of it by sm for engagement will have contributed. People working from home so having no distinct work/home boundaries probably won't be helping either, plus the being glued to a screen for work and then again for pleasure during lockdown will have made people irritable and likely addicted to quick dopamine hits. This will lead to greater impatience.

Add in the financial stress, the general unrest in the world over political issues and you've got a lot of people turning into arseholes.

political correctness and being easily offended, loss of a sense of humour

You mean - people are no longer able to spout racist, bigoted or sexist crap under the guise of humour so they act like arseholes in protest?

@SirChenjins No, I do not mean that at all.

Whilst I agree that some people think loss of a sense of humour means they aren't able to racist etc anymore, I genuinely do think there is a loss of humour. People are now frowned upon for laughing at their OWN situation and are being told rubbish like they've internalised ableism. Sometimes people just have to laugh at things that happen to them because it's how they cope. Dark humour is cathartic to some.
Also, main character syndrome is rife. People not liking jokes because the person who told it didn't consider every single person's situation before saying it. People don't realise that not everything is about them and it's really bizarre.

I think it’s social media. Honestly. Most people on Twitter seem to see everything in black and white and are do in their own little bubbles that they just honestly can’t even comprehend anyone thinking differently to them…and if they do they are the “other”, the “enemy”. You can’t have a discussion these days with any nuances or grey areas it’s black or white and you think like me or you’re the enemy.

I think this then spills over into the real world.

I think that this article sums up what I think about humour being good for all of us. Also, I’ve noticed that kids don’t seem to laugh as much as they used to and I think it’s because society is getting way too uptight.

Copy and paste of article on the benefits of having a sense of humour:

Stress relief from laughter? It's no joke
When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered. Here's why.
By Mayo Clinic Staff

Whether you're guffawing at a sitcom on TV or quietly giggling at a newspaper cartoon, laughing does you good. Laughter is a great form of stress relief, and that's no joke.

Stress relief from laughter
A good sense of humor can't cure all ailments, but data is mounting about the positive things laughter can do.

Short-term benefits
A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can:

• Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
• Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
• Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Long-term effects
Laughter isn't just a quick pick-me-up, though. It's also good for you over the long term. Laughter may:

• Improve your immune system. Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.
• Relieve pain. Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
• Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.
• Improve your mood. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your stress, depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier. It can also improve your self-esteem.

Improve your sense of humor
Are you afraid that you have an underdeveloped — or nonexistent — sense of humor? No problem. Humor can be learned. In fact, developing or refining your sense of humor may be easier than you think.

• Put humor on your horizon. Find a few simple items, such as photos, greeting cards or comic strips, that make you chuckle. Then hang them up at home or in your office, or collect them in a file or notebook. Keep funny movies, TV shows, books, magazines or comedy videos on hand for when you need an added humor boost. Look online at joke websites or silly videos. Listen to humorous podcasts. Go to a comedy club.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Find a way to laugh about your own situations and watch your stress begin to fade away. Even if it feels forced at first, practice laughing. It does your body good.

Consider trying laughter yoga. In laughter yoga, people practice laughter as a group. Laughter is forced at first, but it can soon turn into spontaneous laughter.
• Share a laugh. Make it a habit to spend time with friends who make you laugh. And then return the favor by sharing funny stories or jokes with those around you.
• Knock, knock. Browse through your local bookstore or library's selection of joke books and add a few jokes to your list that you can share with friends.
• Know what isn't funny. Don't laugh at the expense of others. Some forms of humor aren't appropriate. Use your best judgment to discern a good joke from a bad or hurtful one.

Laughter is the best medicine
Go ahead and give it a try. Turn the corners of your mouth up into a smile and then give a laugh, even if it feels a little forced. Once you've had your chuckle, take stock of how you're feeling. Are your muscles a little less tense? Do you feel more relaxed or buoyant? That's the natural wonder of laughing at work.

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456