Arseholes, why are there so many of them?

[MatildaIThink]

It seems to me that the number of arseholes is multiplying at a rapid pace and I am wondering why?

Just from the last week:
One of the parents screaming at the head of the nursery (that my son also goes to), at drop off because they would not accept their child as she had been sick twice, outside, during drop off, was bright green and had a very high temperature.

My husband was out for a run one morning last week, there was a delivery driver with a flat tyre that he was trying to change and my husband asked if he needed a hand which the driver greatly appreciated. My husband said that multiple times whilst they were changing the tire people beeped horns and shouted at them to "get out the fucking way", there was nowhere the driver could have gone, the tyre was completely off the wheel so he could not drive any further and he was pulled over so far the passenger side of his van was in the bushes on the pavement (the next parking area on that road is more than a mile away, but it is a wide road where you could realistically get four cars across so no real issue).

Over the weekend my brother took me and my mum for lunch on Sunday (my husband had our kids at home, normally we would all go, but Mum wanted a lunch with just the three of us as she wanted to talk about end of life care, power of attorney etc. she is not close yet, but wants to get it in place now) to a nice restaurant. It is not a restaurant where one would take young kids, but a family had any they were also letting their children make a lot of noise and run around, after being told to control their children multiple times the manager kicked them out when one of the kids knocked over a waitress carrying food. The family who were kicked out kept making threats to "trash you online with bad reviews" and other similar things as they were leaving.

One of my staff has come in incredibly upset this morning, someone reversed into her in traffic (the reversed at least four meters, possibly five), got out and started screaming at her, saying it was her fault, threatening her, before driving off through a red light. Luckily she has a dashcam and has reported it to the police as well as insurance.

I have noticed that since coming out of the first lockdown there seem to be far more arseholes around and they seemed to have increased their arseholery.

YABU - No, there is the same level of arseholes as before
YANBU - Yes, there are more arseholes and they are worse than ever.

We're seeing the results of a generation brought up never having been told "no".

Two things here. I assume you are talking about a generation of children you didn’t raise. But you did raise their parents. So if this is a reality, the problem is with how your children raised their children and that’s on you.

Except, it actually isn’t the case. As far back as Aristotle, the older generations have claimed the young generations have been spoiled and are feckless.

There is no generation which has been brought up never having been told no.

You will only see the shit if you only look for the shit.

I don't think any of the OP's examples involved people "looking for shit". Unfortunately the "shit" is often forced upon you by members of the general public, with no warning or provocation.

@AntiMaskersAreTwats

I think Covid has created a lot of arseholes. I’m probably one of them now. Prior to Covid I always went out of my way to help people, volunteered, gave money to charity etc etc. But I realised during Covid that society doesn’t give a fuck about me. No one protected me while I was vulnerable and waiting to be jabbed. I was threatened with prosecution if my children didn’t attend their Covid ridden schools. People wore their masks under their chins or not at all meaning that I couldn’t even go to the supermarket. Could I get a delivery slot? No! We had weeks of surviving on what we had in the cupboard. I absolutely hate people now and realise that only my family matter. No more volunteering for me! I charge top whack for everything I do, pay as little tax as legally possible, would throw anyone under the bus to get my family ahead. The world can fuck off!

Some people are unable to wear masks and it's unreasonable of you to expect them to not go out because you're vulnerable. The entitlement goes both ways.

I think the time away from society over the past few years has eaten away at many peoples social graces.
I've seen it myself quite a lot recently. People are savage to one another.
OTOH, there are also some people who are kind and go out of their way to help others- rare as they may seem in comparison.

Not quite sure how that stops people being able to take a call. Particularly as so many are WFH.

You can surely work out why a company who has staff working from home might not be able to give you a phone number to contact those who are working from home?

@BoredZelda

We're seeing the results of a generation brought up never having been told "no".

Two things here. I assume you are talking about a generation of children you didn’t raise. But you did raise their parents. So if this is a reality, the problem is with how your children raised their children and that’s on you.

Except, it actually isn’t the case. As far back as Aristotle, the older generations have claimed the young generations have been spoiled and are feckless.

There is no generation which has been brought up never having been told no.

In fact evidence shows that "no" is the first word most children/ babies learn to understand and they hear it more than any other word in their first few years of life, which stifles many of their abilities. I guess the PP didn't bother to research their claim that parents don't tell their children "no". 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Lavender24

Some people are unable to wear masks and it's unreasonable of you to expect them to not go out because you're vulnerable. The entitlement goes both ways.

I appreciate that, but I expect them to at least try to maintain social distancing etc as they're a risk to those around them. Just because they're exempt doesn't mean they're not contagious and, as you say, it goes both ways, and that means they should be aware they aren't protecting those around them, so should keep 2 metres where they can!

I think it's the whole 'zero fucks given' mentality, which has been all over social media over the past few years. People used to care more what others thought of them and whether their children had manners. Now people aren't bothered. Not giving a fuck is like a badge of honour for some people and they go out of their way to show how much they don't care.

I don't think any of the OP's examples involved people "looking for shit". Unfortunately the "shit" is often forced upon you by members of the general public, with no warning or provocation.

The bold comment, at the top of my post, was me responding to the person who made the comment about what they saw. If I had been responding to the OPs examples, I would have quoted them.

[quote user1497207191]@Lavender24

Some people are unable to wear masks and it's unreasonable of you to expect them to not go out because you're vulnerable. The entitlement goes both ways.

I appreciate that, but I expect them to at least try to maintain social distancing etc as they're a risk to those around them. Just because they're exempt doesn't mean they're not contagious and, as you say, it goes both ways, and that means they should be aware they aren't protecting those around them, so should keep 2 metres where they can![/quote]
Yes I agree. It's also just general good manners not to invade strangers personal space.

@BoredZelda

Not quite sure how that stops people being able to take a call. Particularly as so many are WFH.

You can surely work out why a company who has staff working from home might not be able to give you a phone number to contact those who are working from home?

There's a wonderful thing called call diversion. There are also automated call diversion systems which re-direct calls to whoever is available at that time. There is absolutely no need for people's personal phone numbers to be randomly given out. All the systems exist (and are relatively cheap) for people to phone a works number and be redirected to someone WFH on their mobile or home landline.

People used to care more what others thought of them and whether their children had manners. Now people aren't bothered.

“People” don’t care any less about this now, than they used to.

@BoredZelda

I’m afraid I wasn’t around to see that in the 80s, I was born right at the end there.
I know there have been plenty of terrible times in the past but for someone in their early 30s this is my first time experiencing it en masse and it’s a real shocker.
Of course there have always been horrible people, but in my lifetime I haven’t seen them be so brash about it until now.

I would also say that I do definitely see those nice people doing the right thing, but I never doubted that they existed. The clanger for me was the realisation that everybody isn’t just a good person having a bad day.

@ThousandsOfTulips

You will only see the shit if you only look for the shit.

I don't think any of the OP's examples involved people "looking for shit". Unfortunately the "shit" is often forced upon you by members of the general public, with no warning or provocation.

But it's also often forced upon you by staff. It works both ways. There seems to be more and more staff who spend more time and effort trying not to help you than it would take just to do what you're asking them to do. I.e. the staff who spend a few minutes telling you how busy they are and how they don't have time to do what you ask, when in reality, it would have taken less time for them just to do it!

There's a wonderful thing called call diversion. There are also automated call diversion systems which re-direct calls to whoever is available at that time. There is absolutely no need for people's personal phone numbers to be randomly given out. All the systems exist (and are relatively cheap) for people to phone a works number and be redirected to someone WFH on their mobile or home landline.

And yet, many, many companies are choosing not to use theses for many, many reasons. Mine, for example, doesn’t provide employees with a mobile phone. They can’t direct to my home phone or my personal mobile. In order to use this service, my employer would have to buy us all mobile phones. At a time when business was struggling, that would have cost them money they didn’t have. Instead clients email us and if we need to call them, we can do so. Or they email to request a call.

There are loads of organisations big and small who do a “request a call” or have an email address, and have been long before Covid. In fact, I wish more would offer this so you don’t have to be on hold to them for hours on end.

Speaking of social distancing I have also just realised that people have started ramming their trollies up your arse in Aldi when you're trying to unload your shopping.

I definitely agree that people have become generally more aggressive and entitled. I'm constantly on edge waiting for someone to have a go about something ridiculous. I do think it had a lot to do with lockdowns, people experiencing too much stress and uncertainty, lack of social interaction etc but that ofc is no excuse.

Yes I agree. It's also just general good manners not to invade strangers personal space.

As an autistic person who can't wear a mask, I totally agree. It's a shame the general public had no concept of this personal space requirement pre-Covid. Long may it last!!

I agree that a lot of people are stuck in 'fear' mode, and that's exacerbated by all the click bait and echo chambers we get on our social media/tech.

Every time I open up a new tab on my laptop I get bombarded with fearmongering headlines from the Mail, Express etc - I don't read any of these papers and don't click on them but there they are. DH and I have a good laugh at my gloom and doom laptop but actually if you read and believed those you could really be in quite a dark place. And if you're surrounded by people echoing the same views, well, it perpetuates.

It has long been the case that people tend to overestimate differences between their group and the outgroup and underestimate differences within their group. I'd be surprised if this wasn't being exacerbated by SM, targeted press etc. And that can probably lead to more antagonistic behaviour to those perceived as 'other' for whatever reason (delivery driver not a 'professional', nursery/restaurant staff 'there to serve and not as important as me' just as examples from the OP).

I know there have been plenty of terrible times in the past but for someone in their early 30s this is my first time experiencing it en masse and it’s a real shocker.

You missed the fuel shortages of 2000? And again in 2008? And again in 2012? Or the panic buying before the millennium?

Of course there have always been horrible people, but in my lifetime I haven’t seen them be so brash about it until now.

You’ve led a charmed life! Or, you were young and didn’t look for the shit but now you are older you’re more cynical about the world. 😆

@ThousandsOfTulips I actually complained to my local council about their high street "covid police" shouting aggressively and shoving their hands millimetres from people's faces to enforce a one way system. It was annoying at best but I imagined it could be very stressful to those with autism or PTSD.

@BoredZelda

I’m not quite sure what you’re arguing in favour of here? Is your point that people have always been arseholes so we shouldn’t let it bother us now?
Excusing arseholery seems like a great way to create more of them.

[quote Honeymint]@EvilPea

Haha, don’t worry I have no intention of joining them! Because there are so many rude people around I think I tend to notice the nice ones more lately. I try to be one of those as much as I can![/quote]
Phew!!!
Glad we’ve not lost another one

I think social media has played a massive part in the increase in arseholes. People have got so used to trolling and provoking online that it has seeped out into their normal lives. In real life the people I know who have never used social media haven’t changed at all, whereas the people I know who regularly use social media have either become very self-obsessed or provoking in their behaviours.

Funnily enough I was thinking about this today.... I had to make calls and book a few things got through to a few call centres
And at the end of each normal booking conversation I'd say:

Thank you that's great
Cheers

And they all sounded genuinely pleased and I always got an enthusiastic reply:
Oh thanks so much! no problem etc

Made me think, how the hell do people normally talk to them!?

We've had over a year off from each other and need to reaclimatise and learn to share and play nicely again.