Arseholes, why are there so many of them?

[MatildaIThink]

It seems to me that the number of arseholes is multiplying at a rapid pace and I am wondering why?

Just from the last week:
One of the parents screaming at the head of the nursery (that my son also goes to), at drop off because they would not accept their child as she had been sick twice, outside, during drop off, was bright green and had a very high temperature.

My husband was out for a run one morning last week, there was a delivery driver with a flat tyre that he was trying to change and my husband asked if he needed a hand which the driver greatly appreciated. My husband said that multiple times whilst they were changing the tire people beeped horns and shouted at them to "get out the fucking way", there was nowhere the driver could have gone, the tyre was completely off the wheel so he could not drive any further and he was pulled over so far the passenger side of his van was in the bushes on the pavement (the next parking area on that road is more than a mile away, but it is a wide road where you could realistically get four cars across so no real issue).

Over the weekend my brother took me and my mum for lunch on Sunday (my husband had our kids at home, normally we would all go, but Mum wanted a lunch with just the three of us as she wanted to talk about end of life care, power of attorney etc. she is not close yet, but wants to get it in place now) to a nice restaurant. It is not a restaurant where one would take young kids, but a family had any they were also letting their children make a lot of noise and run around, after being told to control their children multiple times the manager kicked them out when one of the kids knocked over a waitress carrying food. The family who were kicked out kept making threats to "trash you online with bad reviews" and other similar things as they were leaving.

One of my staff has come in incredibly upset this morning, someone reversed into her in traffic (the reversed at least four meters, possibly five), got out and started screaming at her, saying it was her fault, threatening her, before driving off through a red light. Luckily she has a dashcam and has reported it to the police as well as insurance.

I have noticed that since coming out of the first lockdown there seem to be far more arseholes around and they seemed to have increased their arseholery.

YABU - No, there is the same level of arseholes as before
YANBU - Yes, there are more arseholes and they are worse than ever.

If you think everyone else is the problem...

And there we are - 14 posts in . Come one then - which of the OP's examples of arsehole behaviour do you think are reasonable?

YANBU OP. There were always arseholes, but not nearly to the same extent as there are now. I worked in restaurants and shops as a teenager in the 80s in a city centre and never had the kind of abuse levelled at me as people working in those industries experience nowadays. It's a combination of lots of things - personal rights trumping responsibilities, everything being bought immediately at the press of a button so little face to face interaction, SM where people can be as rude as they like from a keyboard, cutbacks in and the changing nature of policing, and so on and on.

Completely agree with everything said here. I think we all need people around us and we all need to be in relationships with others. The lockdowns changed relationships and I think for a certain type of person it's been really bad.

@sst1234

A year ago, I would have said that attributing this to lockdowns is extreme. Now I completely agree. Lockdowns have ruined a generation’s life chances, peoples overall health, many people’s finances and people’s behaviour in general. A government must not be allowed to do this. It’s structured cruelty.

This has been the situation for people with a disability or chronic illness who have no opportunity to change their circumstances for years,and I agree it is structured cruelty. I also agree with @Mosaic123 that people have much less ability to tolerate challenging circumstances and for the reasons stated.

It doesn't excuse the behaviour but it does rationalise it

@sst1234

A year ago, I would have said that attributing this to lockdowns is extreme. Now I completely agree. Lockdowns have ruined a generation’s life chances, peoples overall health, many people’s finances and people’s behaviour in general. A government must not be allowed to do this. It’s structured cruelty.

Have they really done that though? The recessions of the seventies and nineties were far worse economically that the economic mess from Covid. Far more people lost their homes, many many more had their equity wiped out and/or ended up in negative equity, inflation wiped out many people's savings, pension schemes went bust etc.

Many people have also used the lockdowns to get their health back on track, losing weight and getting fit, quite a few of them for the first time in their lives. The economy is bouncing back and every sector seems to need more workers, with wages rising and employees able to get better terms and conditions. I know some people have found it tough, the isolation for some was very uncomfortable and some people got little financial help which has caused or exacerbated mental health issues.

If you look at previous economic crisis (2008 being the most recent) it did not turn people into arseholes, so why is this one so different?

Retail is terrible since covid.
I resigned a few months ago as I couldn't stand it anymore.
I was told to fuck off by a very posh looking woman. I'd politely asked her to use the hand sanitizer.
People would look at you like dirt if you asked them to follow the rules. People would complain if you didn't follow the rules. Management constantly moaning that people weren't flicking back to buy clothes.
Bloody horrible.

@FreeBritnee

Fighting on social media has also normalised shusive behaviour.

So true. Before social media I'm sure people didn't share their arsehole opinions just as much.

I think social media and sites like mumsnet add to the problem. I have opened countless threads where an OP is venting and the responses are awful, with very aggressive and abusive language. It seems that so many people are unable to control the aggression, it’s like a metaphorical pile on.

@HarrietsChariot

If you think everyone else is the problem...

I don't think everyone else is the problem, not by a long way, there are many absolutely lovely people, and plenty in the middle. My issue is that arseholes seem to have gone from low single digits to double figures over the last year.

In any of those examples I have in my OP, in which situation do you think that the behaviour of the arsehole was acceptable?

Oops should have ended with a ? Would also like to add that the influx of reality tv where drama, bitchiness, arseholery are the main ingredients might be influencing us.

When I was growing up there were loads of comedy shows, seems to be less now. Maybe being able to laugh at life helped us de-stress and not take everything so seriously all the time.

People are stress out and unhappy with all the division, culture wars, virus and uncertainty.

I often think this is due to the amount of people in the country. Everyone’s on top of each other all the time. In shops, car parks, roads, wherever. Then people get territorial.

I work in the nhs and there’s talk of us having bodycams due to the amount of rude and entitled arseholes we now have to deal with. And I work in Paeds, not adults.

@MatildaIThink.
The difference being humans have a brain structure which is designed to help us spot a threat (fight,flight,freeze(plus fawning as a psychological protection))

With cv19,we can't see the threat and we don't know who around us is contagious so the opportunity to relax again is lost.
This response on top of a period of recession plus the ability to gain instant gratification via online ordering creates a 'perfect storm'.

If you look at previous economic crisis (2008 being the most recent) it did not turn people into arseholes, so why is this one so different?

I'd agree. Reason for it all? Who knows.

The Westminster government's pursuit of individualism to the extreme - with the 'let the bodies pile up' policy on Covid.

The approach relies on dehumanising and Othering. It encourages the idea that other people's lives are less valuable (Other People don't matter)... and this narrative spills out into wider everyday behaviour and attitudes towards other people.

Have they really done that though? The recessions of the seventies and nineties were far worse economically that the economic mess from Covid. Far more people lost their homes, many many more had their equity wiped out and/or ended up in negative equity, inflation wiped out many people's savings, pension schemes went bust etc

I agree. Lockdown wasn't great, but in comparison to what we've experienced in previous decades it's been nothing. What it has been is a challenge for some people who want to continue acting like arseholes - a 'don't you dare tell me what to do' reaction.

I agree with the pp who mentioned rights and responsibilities, and it would seem that some people always want someone else to take responsibility for everything and are aggressive when they can't or don't, and aggressive when they can't get what they view as a 'right'.
I also think that expectations and reactions to things are way off, for example people kicking off with shop or waiting staff because something is not available when it's not an essential, expectations that because you want it, you're entitled to it, and that abusing other people will achieve it.
To be fair, this is fostered by 'rewarding' people who behave like this, giving customers who kick off and shout/threaten discounts and free stuff, so the best possible scenario is they feel vindicated in their behaviour, the worst that they know it's wrong but they'll get what they want faster.
Where covid is concerned the stakes have been too high to just cave and say yes to anything and everything and that's where the problem lies, some people have never really been told no and they don't like it.

Compare to more civic minded countries, where 1000s of deaths a week (and many others left long term ill) is not tolerated as 'low numbers' or as being acceptable. The populations were encouraged to work together to protect - both on an individual and societal level (healthcare system and economy included).

Going back pre pandemic, many of the seeds were sown with George Osborne's cruel (but in fact failed economics) policy of austerity.

Let’s not forget the terrible daily news. I mean really Armageddon stuff from Covid, to terrorism, climate change to hypersonic weapons. I honestly feel like we’ll all be dead within a decade so what’s the point!

Where covid is concerned the stakes have been too high to just cave and say yes to anything and everything and that's where the problem lies, some people have never really been told no and they don't like it

Absolutely this. We're a country (one of many in the West - we're by no means alone) which has it all. Everything is accessible and everything is immediate, we have so much stuff that we can buy at the press of a button, everything is high speed, and nothing gets in our way. If we want it, we get it by the swipe of a card or by punching in a few numbers onto a screen.

Have they really done that though? The recessions of the seventies and nineties were far worse economically that the economic mess from Covid. Far more people lost their homes, many many more had their equity wiped out and/or ended up in negative equity, inflation wiped out many people's savings, pension schemes went bust etc.

Thing is, the Covid fallout is only just beginning really. The govt has been propping businesses and individuals up financially for the most part until recently and, coupled with the effects of Brexit it's only going to get worse. And that's without all the internet/social media issues we didn't have in the 80s and 90s.

Which unfortunately means we're probably also only scratching the surface of the arsehold epidemic!

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I often think this is due to the amount of people in the country. Everyone’s on top of each other all the time. In shops, car parks, roads, wherever. Then people get territorial.

^This - we are massively overcrowded quite often.

As in, it's not just the effects of the last couple of years, it's the fear of not knowing when it's all going to end. It just brings out the selfish worst in some people.

“These days”

“Since lockdown”

“Nowadays”

“Social Media”

All wrong. These things have always happened, always will, and are no worse than they ever were.

People just like to pretend everything used to be rosy.

Many people have also used the lockdowns to get their health back on track, losing weight and getting fit, quite a few of them for the first time in their lives

I think it depends a lot on personal circumstances if this was you or not in lockdown. For some it was utterly exhausting, working out the house, and / or in the house juggling kids home schooling. It’s been utterly exhausting and relentless. Add the uncertainty of jobs, Covid isolations (your own or childrens), prices rising. Life looks very shit for some right now. House markets weird, rental markets weird, car markets weird, petrol prices weird, supply issues of white goods and general stuff you might need. If you were surviving with a few luxuries before, those luxuries have long gone.
It’s normality but not as anyone knows it. So much uncertainty in everything means some are living on their last nerve.

Lockdown was a lovely time for some to play in the garden with their kids and new puppy whilst someone else delivered food and entertainment to the door. Some don’t have to worry about food shortages in one shop as they can afford to go to the next one or energy price rises.

Life is very uncertain for a lot of people and people are very angry as a result.