To want other people to think I'm pretty

[TheLasrStraw]

I heard this on a TV show (The Good Wife), where a teen girl starts straightening her hair and wearing makeup etc...

Her mum asked her why she had changed her appearance and that's what she said.

I identified with that growing up, and my family never understood that.

Doesn't everyone feel the same way?

I suppose I did when I was a teenager. I'm 36 now and have two young children and it's quite a relief to no longer give a flying fuck!

Possibly when I was younger. Like a PP now I'm 38 I couldn't care less what anyone outside of my immediate circle of friends and family thinks of me.

When I was a teenager I most definitely wanted people to think I was pretty
Now I’m 40 it’s pretty far down on my list of priorities

I'm single, and if I'm attracted to someone then I want them to think I'm pretty - when on a date for example. But otherwise no, not really

I'm still like this at 25😂

No, not everyone feels like this. It’s fine if you do, but it’s not universal. People are different.

I don't feel like this. I can't remember ever feeling like this. I've never placed that much importance on 'prettiness', either in myself or others.

I kind of rebelled against being pretty as a teen; very goth/punk and masculine tailoring and footwear, probably because I was perceived as reasonably pretty.
Now I am ancient though, I am much more concerned with my appearance being attractive to everyone. Possibly because I have less natural resources left!

I wanted people to think I was smart and kind. Prettiness wasn't something I valued. I still don't. I'd rather be thought clever, talented, passionate, etc. I'd say most of my friends were the same.

My mother once told me that she stayed up one night racking her brains to think of a good quality about me.

She said the only good thing she could think of was that I was pretty.

Since then that’s been one of my trigger words.

I didn’t want to be ‘pretty’ after that, I just wanted to be interesting or caring or just ‘enough’.

I wanted to be pretty and to some extent I still do. I'm 37. Not a priority, but it's nice.

Yes, I do identify with this. Especially since I recently saw photos of myself at a wedding and I looked horrendous. I feel so humiliated. I was standing with much slimmer women and I look like a big fat joke.

@LocalHobo

I kind of rebelled against being pretty as a teen; very goth/punk and masculine tailoring and footwear, probably because I was perceived as reasonably pretty. Now I am ancient though, I am much more concerned with my appearance being attractive to everyone. Possibly because I have less natural resources left!

Interesting. I’m the opposite. I was not pretty as a teen, so I used to wear make up every day and really try to look attractive. Now, at 40, I’m still not exactly pretty, but I think I’ve grown into my looks, and while I try to be presentable I really don’t care whether anyone is attracted to me.

I imagine it’s a pretty common feeling, but I believe that anyone who feels like this has parents who have a lot to answer for - WTF is wrong with parents that praise their kids for their looks and so perpetuate the myth that it is ok to validate yourself by being positively judged by others on this? I die a bit inside whenever I hear parents impress on their kids how pretty they look.

I did as a teen, maybe for the first bit of my twenties.
I'm mid forties now, make up free, hair completely natural, and the feeling of just being me is wonderful. If someone complements me, I do enjoy it, but I don't go looking for it.

I dressed like someone I would find attractive when I was younger.

I was considered very attractive into my late teens /early adulthood. I hated it. I did everything to cover myself. I mutilated my arms on a regular basis (which I now have nice big scars of to remind me all over my arms and body). I hated being "pretty" because above everything, I valued my kindness and intelligence. No one ever noticed those traits because of a face they saw that fit whatever status quo they were looking for. I stopped going out to pubs, stopped meeting up with friends. I resented a stranger coming up to me, which happened every time I went out the bloody house. People telling me how beautiful I was. I didn't see it myself, and I didn't want to be noticed by what I looked like. I wanted to have a conversation, get to know people. But it was always the same "yeah yeah, that's great and really interesting, but can I have your number / get a kiss / sleep with you" and if I ever said no I didn't see them for dust.

Now I'm overweight, unwell and in my 30s with my little girl - no one notices me. No one thinks I'm "pretty" any more and I'm so much happier. I'd love to loose weight, but only for myself and the sake of my health but otherwise I'm pretty good right now.

I used to. And I was and didn’t think I was.
I’m now not…but being stylish and put together is important to me. Not pretty, just looking like I take care of myself is what I aim for.

@TheBlessedCheesemaker

I imagine it’s a pretty common feeling, but I believe that anyone who feels like this has parents who have a lot to answer for - WTF is wrong with parents that praise their kids for their looks and so perpetuate the myth that it is ok to validate yourself by being positively judged by others on this? I die a bit inside whenever I hear parents impress on their kids how pretty they look.

I got slammed on a thread a while ago specifically for saying I try not to do this and try to base my compliments on ‘you try hard at x’ or ‘you did well when you did z.’ As if I was neglecting my kids by not gushing that they are so beautiful, when in fact I just don’t think it’s something particularly to comment on - positively or negatively.

But to answer your question op, I’m not sure. I think it’s normal for teens to want to be seen as pretty/attractive isn’t it? I personally don’t worry about people thinking I’m pretty, because realistically I’m not. I’m not ugly either, just plain and normal. I think there’s a lot of things worse to be judged as than plain.

Like the bit in Malory towers when one girl tells Jean she’s plain and Jean says ‘yes all my aunts are too and my mother and we’re all jolly, happy, sensible and fun.’ Very Blyton but I read it with dd a while ago and loved that passage.

Of course she does somewhat steamroller over it when Gwendoline is later crucified amongst her peers for the crime of being spotty and a bit chubby. She wasn’t jolly though.

I've never been pretty and knew from an early age that I never would be. It doesn't worry me and I don't care what people think about my looks. I've always dressed to please myself and have rarely worn makeup, and never straightened or coloured my hair. I'm not saying I'm ugly, just very very average btw.

@TheBlessedCheesemaker

I imagine it’s a pretty common feeling, but I believe that anyone who feels like this has parents who have a lot to answer for - WTF is wrong with parents that praise their kids for their looks and so perpetuate the myth that it is ok to validate yourself by being positively judged by others on this? I die a bit inside whenever I hear parents impress on their kids how pretty they look.

I don’t know, I think kids - especially girls - pick it up anyway. I was always praised for my achievements and intelligence by my parents, never for looks, but it didn’t stop me wanting to be pretty when I was younger and insecure.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon you are, very definitely, more than enough. I’m sorry your younger self heard that from her mother.

I am not pretty in a conventional sense but was thought "good looking" when I was younger

What I think is a better thing to be is attractive - which is slightly more indefinable.

Not everyone feels like this, no, but it’s an understandable feeling- very conditioned in childhood if you’re a girl.

I like my face. It’s the only one I’m ever going to get so I might as well learn to love it.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

No one else will pay as much attention to your own face as you do.