Does this require anger management?

[IfIwasablackbird]

My DH is not a bad person, but surly sometimes but generally ok.

Bit of a stressful day as our DS is vomiting on and off and vomited at lunch. We got him clean in the bath etc I took him for a nap.

The cat had jumped on the table and was eating the gravy. DH went ballistic. Shouted so loud for him to ‘Fuck off’ and then shouted a bit about it. DD terrified abs and ran upstairs in tears. I heard this all clearly from upstairs. Initially thought it was a passerby or neighbour.

I am really shocked and he’s acting like it’s ok? Yes it’s annoying and the cat did it last week too but this irrational anger seems scary even to me. I’m worried for DD seeing this.

The puss is ok but I also don’t think it’s ok to shout at the cat.

Am I being unreasonable in saying he needs to get help for his explosive anger?

@RavingAnnie

Jesus. He's not a robot. It's perfectly normal to lose your shit on occasion. I've shouted at my cat too before when she was being really annoying after a stressful and horrible day.

Do you shout & rage enough to terrify a small child into running to hide in their bedroom when you lose your shit @RavingAnnie?

If not, it's not the same thing at all.
If you do - get some help.

@ChargingBuck

ODFOD

@ChargingBuck
You are coming across as being abrasive. @RavingAnnie is allowed to express her opinion without it neatly dovetailing with yours.

Thanks @Marvellousflowers, I thought so too.....

@ChargingBuck you also cant seek to minimise posters if you dont understand them and write it off as a result of 'English not being their language. Maybe its not. Poor stuff. Ask respectfully for clarification. In the case of @RavingAnnie you can respectfully agree to differ and then explore the difference. Good night.

Ask respectfully for clarification

I did, @Marvellousflowers.
I asked if English was not Colin's first language. How is that disrespectful? (Unlike his own insults, where he feels it's ok to call PP hysterical, racist, & DV minimisers, & instructs OP to "go be broke & a single parent").

I have great respect for anyone who speaks more than 1 language, & if they're not communicating in their native tongue I'd want to know so I didn't overuse e.g. confusing idiom. He hasn't clarified the point, so we still don't know.

[quote RavingAnnie]@ChargingBuck

ODFOD[/quote]
I'll take that as a 'yes' then?

@ChargingBuck

Ask respectfully for clarification

I did, @Marvellousflowers.
I asked if English was not Colin's first language. How is that disrespectful? (Unlike his own insults, where he feels it's ok to call PP hysterical, racist, & DV minimisers, & instructs OP to "go be broke & a single parent").

I have great respect for anyone who speaks more than 1 language, & if they're not communicating in their native tongue I'd want to know so I didn't overuse e.g. confusing idiom. He hasn't clarified the point, so we still don't know.

Your posts read as though you always want to be right regardless of how you achieve it. Some people would find some of your contributions offensive.

OK, @Marvellousflowers.

The main point is, OP didn't, & in fact found my comments helpful, so let's leave it there.

Does he explode like this in front of work colleagues and friends? If not, then he CAN control his anger - he's just choosing not to...

I agree with Charging and am glad you do too OP. Please keep us updated xx

I agree with @ChargingBuck (as I nearly always do) and appreciate her kind but clear style of communicating on these topics. The OP found her comments helpful, so not really sure what pp think they are achieving by piling on. And calling her "hysterical"? Just wow.

@togymornottogym

He's having a bad day and he shouted at the cat. It doesn't happen regularly.

Honestly, I'd be annoyed that he'd upset DD and would want him to apologise but I think it's a step too far to be talking about anger management, and even domestic abuse as some people have mentioned. Is nobody allowed to be a bit overwhelmed and lose it briefly sometimes? Or is there a different standard for men?

I agree with this completely. Anger management and DV predictions seem very OTT... He does need to acknowledge it’s not acceptable to behave like that and apologise and explain to your DD, but losing your temper like that as a one off I don’t think makes him a bad person who needs therapy for his behaviour. I’ve definitely lost my temper in a similar way occasionally when I’ve been overwhelmed. I know it’s not right and apologised to my DP if needed and he was understanding and sympathetic and talked to me about the underlying stress etc.

@violetbunny

Does he explode like this in front of work colleagues and friends? If not, then he CAN control his anger - he's just choosing not to...

^ this too.

Aaaw @beastlyslumber :) xx

And calling her "hysterical"? Just wow.

To be fair, I did commit the outrageous sin of holding a different opinion to A Man.
Obviously that makes me irrational, wrong, & subject to vague womb-related ailments.

@ChargingBuck

Aaaw *@beastlyslumber* :) xx

And calling her "hysterical"? Just wow.

To be fair, I did commit the outrageous sin of holding a different opinion to A Man.
Obviously that makes me irrational, wrong, & subject to vague womb-related ailments.

Outrageous, indeed! That womb must have wandered right up into your brain...