How do you get over it?

[EwwwwDavid]

My son died at 8 weeks and 3 days In 2009. No explanation just 'cot death'. My AIBU is do you ever get over it? I think my life is pretty good now (I've had 2 other children) h by it think it's always hanging over us

I don't have the answer to that, but I am sending you

Do you want to tell us more about your son?

A great aunt of mine once said that the hardest is losing a child, then a spouse, then your parents. We're not supposed to lose children and I just can't fathom it about life. I can't understand why death has to happen.

I lost my first daughter less than 48 hours before her due date. She died on 22nd December.
No, I’ll never ever get over it. But life carries on especially with other children (I have only one who is seriously disabled but fantastic and I think the world needed her to be born).
It’s something people who’ve lost a child hold with them, I like to think, rather than have hanging over them

I don't think you get over it. It becomes part of your story and it is not so painful but I have had losses over the years and can still sob about them 30 years later if something triggers me. But I don't ruminate on any of it any more and life is good generally.

No advice but . It would be lovely to hear more about your son if you are able to tell us.

So sorry op. I think perhaps loss remains the same size but your life gets bigger around it as time goes on. Hugs to you x

@catfunk jesus. I have four other children. It doesn't mean I'll ever get over the son who died. They're all individual people, not interchangeable items. I could have a hundred other kids and still desperately grieve the one I lost.

@catfunk so very sorry, I do apologise. That post was to @happytonamechangeforthis
I scrolled too quickly

Im so sorry for your loss.
would you like to tell us about your son?
what is his name?
I cant know the pain you've gone through but I do know I dont think I would ever get over the loss of a child.
subsequent children are not a 'luxury' or a replacement for the son you lost x

One of my children became seriously ill and we were told that they the chances of them surviving was very slim. We were very fortunate that they did survive but in my head I had said to myself that I didn't know how I would go on without them.

I don't believe that is something g it is possible to "get over" - I am so sorry this happened to you and your baby.

Grief lessens with time.

I'm fortunate to never have been in your situation but I had a friend who lost a child at about 2 years when she was in her mid twenties. She had two other children and grandchildren. She loved them all. She died at 70 and she never got over the loss.

My friends son was killed at 8 years old, by a driver mounting pavement and catapulting him into the air. He died after 10 days on life support. My friend had 2 other children but she never forgets her first born son. His birthday is always really hard for her.

My lovely MIL told me once that when her child died age 2 it would have been easier if someone had chopped her arm off. It is over 40 years since that happened. She had other children after and had older children and she has had a happy life - but not a day goes by she doesn't think of him. Actually not a day goes by that dh (who was about 7 when his sibling died) doesn't think of him.

A friend whose beautiful daughter died aged 18 told me years after her death that she had begun to accept the place her daughter now had in her family. There is always a place.

So sorry for your loss op.

MIL lost a child, I believe a few months old. She went on to have other children and has grandchildren, but she's never forgotten. Even now, so many years later, she still can't talk about dc she lost without crying 😢

@happytonamechangeforthis
Message deleted by MNHQ

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. When someone dies, of any age, they leave a hole that others can't fill. I hope it's a long time before you experience that. Although I understand the sentiment that people are lucky to have other healthy children, they could never replace the soul that was lost.

I disagree this is a vile post. I think its someone who has been fortunate not to have suffered a loss and lacks the imagination to empathise.

Or possibly PP has had many losses and wishes they had any DC living? Just wondering.

And I’m so sorry OP. I doubt that loss is something you ever ‘get over’

@happytonamechangeforthis

Message deleted by MNHQ

Awful reply and no excuse for it. One child does not replace another. My daughter was still born (full term). You never get over it but as a pp said it becomes part of your story and less painful over time. Please tell us about your son if it helps