Not to buy a wedding gift?

[Blue78]

DH’s step brother is getting married the week before Christmas. Bride is insisting we stay at the expensive hotel the night before and of the wedding. It is already gone costing us a lot.
The invitations state not to take a gift, “your presence is our present” sort of thing. Do they really mean that? Or should we take a gift anyway? I’ve not been to many weddings and don’t want to do the wrong thing!

Yes you take a cash gift. Weddings are expensive you don’t have to go if you don’t want to pay on a hotel, you don’t have to stay over the night before just because they ask.

But yes you should always take a gift, especially for family.

I wouldn't. A nice card with some lovely words should suffice.

Yes, in these circs it's fine.

If he feels wrong to you, then give them a bottle of posh champagne (or other preferred tipple) delivered to their house in the run up to the wedding. Definitely don't take anything on the day

I don't think you should have to be out of pocket to attend someone else's wedding so if you're spending lots on a hotel room
I wouldn't feel guilty about not taking a gift.

YABU for agreeing to stay in what you think is an overpriced hotel just because she said so

No, I wouldn’t take a gift, and I wouldn’t stay the night before unless I really wanted to either, as long as you’re there when you’re needed for the actual ceremony she can’t insist anything about what you do the night before.

or do that thing when you take some crumpled up wrapping paper with a tag on it saying "to mr and mrs whatever, love from me and husband" and then they'll think that someone has nicked their present from you and ting ting, you look generous but it costs you some crumpled up wrapping paper. etc. you get the gist!!

Should give a gift to family.

You can always say no to staying in the hotel for two nights.

I’d respect their wishes.

They said no presents. I’d give no presents.

However I might send flowers to them on their return from honeymoon or something.

I bet the price of the wedding is reduced when the rooms are filled with their guests..
Cf. Taxi home be cheaper maybe?

I got married and people were out of pocket because of it (destination wedding) so I said no presents, a few people gave us a card with some cash but the majority got us nothing which is exactly how I wanted it, we did an expensive activity to thank them for travelling.

If they say no presents, it means just that. NO presents and NO cash.

If someone says no gifts then I take them at their word.

They've quite clearly said no gifts, why do people have a hard time with that?

Yes you take a cash gift.

No, you don't.
The couple have explicitly said that they don't want any gifts.
A cash gift is...a gift... as is any sort of "token" gift

Also, the bride doesn't get to "insist" that you stay anywhere (unless she is paying)

@Chunkymenrock

If they say no presents, it means just that. NO presents and NO cash.

Exactly!

They said no gifts, that means no gifts, actual or money

If I am honest I would take a little inexpensive present so e.g. a nice bottle opener or a welcome mat for the house or a nice tin to put teabags or coffee in or or or - just something little but nice but not expensive just to wrap up.

DB and new wife asked for cash so we did that. but then we weren't staying in an expensive hotel.

I wouldn’t be getting a gift after being strong-armed into staying the night.

Why didn’t dh say no?

I wouldn't take a gift either, and no cash.

Also agree with PP. The bride has no right to insist where you sleep!!!

I always take ‘no gifts/your presence is our present’ as bs, they kinda DO expect a gift, but don’t want to look grabby.
Why is the bride insisting you stay somewhere expensive? Surely it’s up to you if she’s not paying for you?

Give them the invoice for your room?

If they specifically ask for no gifts, then don't give them a gift.
They cannot force you to stay in their hotel, but you'll find it easier in the long run, otherwise you'll be faffing about with taxies etc.

P.s in this situation give a small gift from around £40-£50 - like a nice gin/whisky or champagne? Someone bought us some lovely small batch gin for our wedding gift and it was one of my favourite gifts.

"No gifts" = no gift
It's not a secret code.