Not to buy a wedding gift?

[Blue78]

DH’s step brother is getting married the week before Christmas. Bride is insisting we stay at the expensive hotel the night before and of the wedding. It is already gone costing us a lot.
The invitations state not to take a gift, “your presence is our present” sort of thing. Do they really mean that? Or should we take a gift anyway? I’ve not been to many weddings and don’t want to do the wrong thing!

@OinkPinkPonk

Should give a gift to family.

You can always say no to staying in the hotel for two nights.

This

If I said ‘no gifts’ on my wedding invitation, I’d expected my wishes to be carried out to a T.

How can people insist you stay in a certain hotel, just be an adult say 'no thanks we will arrange our own accommodation'.

And no presents means no presents. Do not give cash, token gift, bottle of champagne or whatever, I have twice specified 'no gifts' on invitations and quite honestly found it very irritating that people still gave me tat presents.

No presents.

This was similar to our request and we had lots of bottles of wine and Prosecco and that was more than fine, we weren't even expecting that.

Some poeole don't have to the need or the room (us!) for presents.

Take the information literally.

What specifically does it say OP? If it says no gifts but if you really want to give something cash towards house/furniture/honeymoon then I’d probably do £50 in the card.

@BasiliskStare

If I am honest I would take a little inexpensive present so e.g. a nice bottle opener or a welcome mat for the house or a nice tin to put teabags or coffee in or or or - just something little but nice but not expensive just to wrap up.

DB and new wife asked for cash so we did that. but then we weren't staying in an expensive hotel.

Please don't do this. The couple probably don't want any more tat stuff to donate to charity.

I wouldalso decline going into debt to stay in an expensive hotel.

@sweatervest

or do that thing when you take some crumpled up wrapping paper with a tag on it saying "to mr and mrs whatever, love from me and husband" and then they'll think that someone has nicked their present from you and ting ting, you look generous but it costs you some crumpled up wrapping paper. etc. you get the gist!!

Hahaha never heard of this

If they've said no gifts then no gifts it is. If they didn't mean it then they are just being confusing for no reason.

@BasiliskStare

If I am honest I would take a little inexpensive present so e.g. a nice bottle opener or a welcome mat for the house or a nice tin to put teabags or coffee in or or or - just something little but nice but not expensive just to wrap up.

DB and new wife asked for cash so we did that. but then we weren't staying in an expensive hotel.

That's the worst of both worlds. They don't get an actual nice present / some useful cash, but they are lumbered with something they don't want (who actually wants a doormat?!?) to deal with.

OP, I would have politely pushed back on the hotel, but not given a gift either way.

No don’t take a gift just a card. They are acknowledging they are asking people to pay more for a hotel room. Ignore people that say stay in a cheaper hotel and buy a gift instead. They would tell you this if they did not mean it.

We said we didn’t really need any gifts thanks, and we meant exactly that! It wasn’t a backhanded way of saying give us cash, it was a genuine way of saying we’d love to see you and you really don’t need to worry about any kind of gift/money or anything. I’m not sure why people in this thread can’t take that at face value!

"The invitations state not to take a gift."

There you go!

Obey!

It is disrespectful to take a gift if they say no gift.
Expecting you to stay in a particular hotel is bad form on their part.

I wouldn’t take a gift, they’ve said not to. I’d also stay where I wanted, they can’t dictate where you sleep.

@Marimaur

P.s in this situation give a small gift from around £40-£50 - like a nice gin/whisky or champagne? Someone bought us some lovely small batch gin for our wedding gift and it was one of my favourite gifts.

Is that a “small” gift? I wouldn’t have expected that from friends normally let alone if I put “no gifts” on the invite. Which I did.

Well isn't the first place I wouldn't stay anywhere I didn't really want to - it's quite alright to say 'sorry we can't afford that we're staying at xxx' or even better, don't give any reason at all.

However, regardless, no you absolutely do not have to give a gift. Or cash.

If I put that on an invitation I wouldn’t expect any gifts at all.

@Marimaur

P.s in this situation give a small gift from around £40-£50 - like a nice gin/whisky or champagne? Someone bought us some lovely small batch gin for our wedding gift and it was one of my favourite gifts.

If it was the favourite of your gifts you must’ve asked for gifts, they’ve said no gifts, it’s not a trick question, nobody needs to buy anything in these circumstances.

We said no gifts, we meant it, and I’m glad all our guests understood there was no hidden message to actually buy us anything, which is exactly what we wanted.

@BasiliskStare

If I am honest I would take a little inexpensive present so e.g. a nice bottle opener or a welcome mat for the house or a nice tin to put teabags or coffee in or or or - just something little but nice but not expensive just to wrap up.

DB and new wife asked for cash so we did that. but then we weren't staying in an expensive hotel.

I know you think you’re being kind with your small gift, but really it’s unnecessary and if someone specifies no gifts that really does include smaller things like this too.

A nice card is fine, if you absolutely must then cash (although not necessary whatsoever) but not this kind of thing.

Don't take a gift to a 'no gifts' wedding. Get it delivered to their home if you must buy them something

Ha ha - I am wrong - won't be the first time won't be the last

Some of my presents to DB and DSIL they have really liked ( well they tell me they do - but hey - they could just be humouring me )

However if short of money if there were a less expensive hotel nearby I might do that or as others have said - if expensive hotel is what you have spent on their wedding - no present & a card.

I didn't give a gift once at a wedding that said "no gifts" and then heard later the bride was bitching about me for not doing so. Well, why say "no gifts" if you secretly want them?!

I said no gifts at my wedding and I really meant it. People have enough expense already.

Honestly.... they're family. I'd definitely give a gift.

They wouldn’t have specified no gifts if they didn’t mean it. They obviously are emotionally intelligent enough to realise that attending their wedding would be expensive enough for some, so take them at their word and maybe treat yourself to that fancy hotel instead.