Not to buy a wedding gift?

[Blue78]

DH’s step brother is getting married the week before Christmas. Bride is insisting we stay at the expensive hotel the night before and of the wedding. It is already gone costing us a lot.
The invitations state not to take a gift, “your presence is our present” sort of thing. Do they really mean that? Or should we take a gift anyway? I’ve not been to many weddings and don’t want to do the wrong thing!

@garlictwist

I didn't give a gift once at a wedding that said "no gifts" and then heard later the bride was bitching about me for not doing so. Well, why say "no gifts" if you secretly want them?!

Wow she sounds so classy.. what a nasty person.

Are you staying at the venue? If you are, you’re probably literally contributing to the wedding already. Perhaps this explains the insistence to stay. In which case, you’re already providing a present.

I would give a cash gift.
I, however, would not be forced to stay at an expensive hotel that i had to pay for.

When I got married I specified no gifts . Most people listened and gave us nothing which was great. One person gave us a bottle of whisky which was appreciated (and most of it was consumed together with guests staying at the hotel after the wedding), and one or two people gave us something small because they probably felt awkward showing up empty-handed. These small gifts quickly disappeared to the back of the cupboard and still haven't been used 5 years later.

@garlictwist

I didn't give a gift once at a wedding that said "no gifts" and then heard later the bride was bitching about me for not doing so. Well, why say "no gifts" if you secretly want them?!

That bride is a twat, you did nothing wrong at all as you well know

Maybe send a thank you box of chocs or flowers afterwards?

Honestly.... they're family. I'd definitely give a gift.

No. I definitely wouldn't. They specified no gifts.

@FiddlefigOnTheRoof

Maybe send a thank you box of chocs or flowers afterwards?

"Thank you for letting me pay a stupid amount of money to attend your wedding"?

I would get DH to ask his DP what they think, but personally if you're paying out a lot for the hotel room then I'd take them at their word.

If they said they don’t want a present then I wouldn’t take a present (and I definitely wouldn’t take cash).

I have never heard of anyone insisting that other people stay in a hotel, that is very odd.