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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws and wedding

70 replies

abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:03

Genuinely unsure wether IABU here or not.

Went to a wedding recently with the inlaws (mum, dad, two siblings and partners). We took our 4 mo baby. I was a bit nervous about it and just how much work it would be as we travelled over 200 miles and stayed over so it was quite an effort but we wanted to go.

I had said I was feeling a bit anxious about how it would go as we haven't travelled or done an event like that with our little one and MIL and FIL said they would help and not to worry.

So we got to the wedding, us in one car, the rest of the family in another. They take the last remaining parking space, all bundle out and start heading towards the venue. My partner took down the window and shouted that we didn't have a space and baby was crying so could they hold on to help me unpack and get him in his pram so my partner could keep going and try and find a space. They just said that people were being ushered in and kept walking, away into the venue and into their seats. So I rushed to try and get baby out of the car, in the process loosing the keys to the keyless start car, baby crying, trying to get bags etc together, car stranded in the middle of car park 🤦🏼‍♀️ we eventually got our shit together and into the venue, taking our seats beside our family that fucked off and left us.

I was quite hurt, not angry and just thought it wasn't a very nice thing to do atall. We left early the next day and we haven't said anything, have seen them since but I just think it wasn't very nice. AIBU?

OP posts:
NeverTheHootenanny · 20/11/2021 08:08

I agree, it’s not very considerate. Although, if they’re otherwise nice people then I wouldn’t fall out with them over it.

Daisy4569 · 20/11/2021 08:09

Not unreasonable, I find lots of family like this though strangely! Friends on the other hand I find to be a lot more aware, maybe because they’ve had children more recently so just get it whereas maybe older relatives have become more used to being independent and doing their own thing

NeedsCharging · 20/11/2021 08:10

Maybe they didn't realise how much of a struggle it was for you.
In their mind you were just getting the baby out of the car which isn't more than a 1 person job really.

Are they normally helpful with the baby?

2Hot2Handle · 20/11/2021 08:10

What a strange thing for them to do and very inconsiderate to take the last space and then refuse to help you knowing you had the baby with you. Is this how they usually are in general? How do you think your parents will react if you raise this with them?

PicaK · 20/11/2021 08:11

Why were you so late? Were you the ones who held things up? Might put a different slant on things.

Crumblinginside · 20/11/2021 08:12

What are they usually like ?
I wouldn't say anything but you know them now. Selfish. Keep your distance and don't expect much from them.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 20/11/2021 08:12

Yanbu.
Some people are judt thoughtless. If otherwise nice i wouldn't hold it against them - but i would note it for the future and nit expect a lot from them

Dogscanteatonions · 20/11/2021 08:12

Not that nice but not worth a falling out over. To be honest though there were two of you, you should have been able to manage to get a baby out of the car and into the pram between you then partner hi find a parking space. Your in laws probably didn't think it was big of a deal?

Pottedpalm · 20/11/2021 08:12

A one off? I would try to forget it. Presumably wedding was someone on their side of the family and you were all arriving at the last minute. People wouldnt think anything of a couple with a baby being a bit late but six adults is a bit much.
Would have been mice if one of them helped though.

PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 08:14

They probably just panicked because it sounds like you arrived there a bit late tbh

Original poster
abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:18

They're okay, I wouldn't say really helpful, they like to see lo when it suits them. I get a lot of 'oh my friend is coming over, would John like to come for a cuddle?' Sort of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:18

And we were a bit late, FIL told us to follow him because he knew where he was going and timings etc so we did just trust that they had their timings right.

OP posts:
LawnFever · 20/11/2021 08:22

Why were you all arriving so late everyone was being ushered in and all the parking was taken?

I hate being late for a wedding, it’s stressful!

They needed to park up too, so although that’s a bit irritating on the parking where did you expect them to go?

It wouldn’t occur to me that two parents would need additional help bringing in their own baby tbh.

LawnFever · 20/11/2021 08:24

@abenbaked

And we were a bit late, FIL told us to follow him because he knew where he was going and timings etc so we did just trust that they had their timings right.
Were you late because he’d misjudged the time to set off?
Banani · 20/11/2021 08:26

Whilst it would’ve been nice for them to help I do get it. I hate being late for things and would have felt really pressured and stressed to get inside. Far more acceptable for a couple and a baby to slip in late than two cars worth of adults.

soapboxqueen · 20/11/2021 08:26

It shouldn't have taken more than one of you to get the baby out of the car. I appreciate things might still be new but it isn't a group activity for the most part.

However, as your dh asked for help, I think it is wrong of them all to just wave it off and continue in.

amoobaa · 20/11/2021 08:27

Regardless of who’s right and who’s wrong, I just want to say... that sounds like a horrible experience and I’m sorry you had to go through it. Having a young baby is so bloody tough and it was your first time doing something like that. It’s completely understandable that you felt anxious and I would have felt the same way as you.
The silver lining is... you did it! You survived something that initially had you feeling quite anxious. You’re awesome and the thing you need to focus on is your own self care and the great job you’re doing looking after your baby Flowers

PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 08:27

As you were late I think they did the right thing sorry. Its better for the two of you to come in a bit late than all of you.

Original poster
abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:28

There were also some major road works going on which didn't help the situation.

OP posts:
PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 08:28

But definitely get why at 4 months old it was so stressful for you!

MrzClaus · 20/11/2021 08:32

Hmmm I don't think anyone was being unreasonable, I think it sounds like just a slightly annoying incident, I wouldn't personally fall out over it.

Getting a baby out of a car into a pram (even if crying which can be stressful!) is a one person job realistically, even if you think having them there might have helped it's doable by one person. It's not as if by them continuing to the venue you would be unable to do it.

The situation with lost keys / bags sounds like it is making it more stressful and perhaps making you view it differently - but I'm not sure why you'd take the keys out of a keyless car if you're just hoping out and getting baby out then your partner is driving on for a space?

Your in laws probably didn't want to be late into the venue - one couple arriving late with a baby is potentially disruptive enough (depending on if the service had started) but people would assume the baby needed to be calmed / changed / fed. One couple with a baby plus all the in-laws arriving late would be way more disruptive!

All in all it sounds annoying, but I wouldn't be making an issue out of it. Sounds like a one off stressful situation!

Original poster
abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:35

Sorry, the service hadn't started and the bloody keys were in the changing bag Hmm which I then took out of the car to put on the pram. Never having another keyless car!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 20/11/2021 08:39

They probably presumed that 2 adults could cope with 1 baby.

MrzClaus · 20/11/2021 08:41

@abenbaked

Sorry, the service hadn't started and the bloody keys were in the changing bag Hmm which I then took out of the car to put on the pram. Never having another keyless car!
😂 we have a keyless start - I've walked off with them in my handbag before and my DP has had to run after me when I got dropped off!

Now we stick them in the same little cubby slot each time we get in and do not move them unless we're the driver, so far so good!

YellowMonday · 20/11/2021 08:41

I think you were flustered. A bit annoying the other car took the spot, but other than that I'm not sure of the problem? Especially given you were all running late, better for 2 people to take longer than the bigger group.

Let it go, move on, there will be bigger problems to come!