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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In laws and wedding

70 replies

abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:03

Genuinely unsure wether IABU here or not.

Went to a wedding recently with the inlaws (mum, dad, two siblings and partners). We took our 4 mo baby. I was a bit nervous about it and just how much work it would be as we travelled over 200 miles and stayed over so it was quite an effort but we wanted to go.

I had said I was feeling a bit anxious about how it would go as we haven't travelled or done an event like that with our little one and MIL and FIL said they would help and not to worry.

So we got to the wedding, us in one car, the rest of the family in another. They take the last remaining parking space, all bundle out and start heading towards the venue. My partner took down the window and shouted that we didn't have a space and baby was crying so could they hold on to help me unpack and get him in his pram so my partner could keep going and try and find a space. They just said that people were being ushered in and kept walking, away into the venue and into their seats. So I rushed to try and get baby out of the car, in the process loosing the keys to the keyless start car, baby crying, trying to get bags etc together, car stranded in the middle of car park 🤦🏼‍♀️ we eventually got our shit together and into the venue, taking our seats beside our family that fucked off and left us.

I was quite hurt, not angry and just thought it wasn't a very nice thing to do atall. We left early the next day and we haven't said anything, have seen them since but I just think it wasn't very nice. AIBU?

OP posts:

Notonthestairs · 20/11/2021 10:26

I'd bracket this as quite a small hiccup. You struggled to co-ordinate baby and buggy and bag. And the family didn't recognise that.

It is hard getting the hang of events plus baby. But you got there and presumably enjoyed seeing your family members get married - job done.

Really not worth giving it too much more thought.

MoreAloneTime · 20/11/2021 10:40

See I wouldn't even bring it up with them. What's done is done and it's obviously just what they're like. The odds of anything good coming from such a conversation are really low. Best just accept, adapt and move on

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 20/11/2021 10:41

Why were you in such a difficult situation with a 4 month old? 2 adults can surely look after a baby. No reason to fall out with them. They assumed like everyone else you will be able to cope with normal everyday issues and a baby

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 10:51

Hard work to get baby out of car? After 4 months?

Santaischeckinglists · 20/11/2021 10:55

Make a memo to self that in future they aren't to be relied upon.
But it's 1 dc and 2 adults you can manage
..
At least now you know where you stand..

Chocolatewheatos · 20/11/2021 10:55

I don't think YABU actually. They said they'd help, then very much didn't. If they hadn't said they'd help then you'd have mentally prepared for it and given yourself more time.
It wasn't too bad and now you know that you need to rely on yourselves more.
At the end of the day you asked them for help and they said no. That's just shitty.

billy1966 · 20/11/2021 10:59

@Chocolatewheatos

I don't think YABU actually. They said they'd help, then very much didn't. If they hadn't said they'd help then you'd have mentally prepared for it and given yourself more time. It wasn't too bad and now you know that you need to rely on yourselves more. At the end of the day you asked them for help and they said no. That's just shitty.

This.

Very rude of them.

But now you know.

I wouldn't bother bringing it up.

But if they tell you they will help you in future, take it with a pinch of salt.

Don't be at their beck and call.

Suit yourselves 100% and you will be happier for it.

The logistics of a new baby and travelling definitely involves a learning curve.

Chocolatewheatos · 20/11/2021 11:00

Surprised people are shocked you struggled, you've only had 4 months and presumably a lot of things to remember with little practise. DS is 6mo but DH drove us to a shopping centre for the first time last week. I've been a few times so have the hang of parking and getting out but he was quite chuffed with himself for reversing into a slim space. Until I pointed out that we couldn't get the baby or the pushchair out the boot and then he's getting stressed trying to work out what parking space is suitable.
What I'm saying is, the first time doing something with a baby is a bit messy.

MoreAloneTime · 20/11/2021 11:58

I'm not even a first time mum and I wouldn't want to attempt to manage a baby, a bag and a folded buggy without a parking space.

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 12:03

Huh? Partner stops car, get buggy out. Put up. Grab changing bag. Put in bottom of buggy.

Plonk baby in buggy?

TheNarwhalBalloon · 20/11/2021 12:42

Yes, really inconsiderate of them. People on here will fall over themselves to make out you're pathetic and entitled, but of course you stop and help someone whose juggling kids, bags, whatever. My friend has a 1 y o and when we went out the other day the rest of us all helped her with her bags, entertaining the little one etc. Why wouldn't you?

Notonthestairs · 20/11/2021 12:58

But it's such a minor event. Small delay whilst sorting baby.

Unless there are significant other issues I wouldn't have given it a second thought.

FizzyTango · 20/11/2021 13:04

I think a lot of people are not being fair. The main point is you asked for help and they just refused. What kind of family does that? I would be very hurt!

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 13:09

What entertaining is there to do with a baby while walking from the car park to the venue?

In all honesty I’d have no even thought you needed help with plonking a baby in a pram and walking across a grass path.

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 13:11

*Not even have thought

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to help you with that. I would’ve maybe hung back but since I know the sum total of nothing about modern prams I’d have left you to it. And the baby would’ve been in the car seat until the pram was up, so what was there actually to do?

Aprilx · 20/11/2021 13:14

I think you are being very strange. Do you and your husband normally need other adults around to help you get out of a car! Sounds like you are looking for a reason to fall out with in laws.

Needdoughnuts · 20/11/2021 13:17

In laws offering help probably means looking after baby when parent needs the toilet, gets something from the car, makes up feed, parents want to dance, visit the buffet etc

Lasair · 20/11/2021 13:40

YABVVVU.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 20/11/2021 14:03

Ah i dont think you are bu. Big trip out is scary in the early days. I can remember threatening to bin a pram as 3 of us couldnt get the fecker to open up at an event!! At least you know where you stand with them

Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2021 14:12

Sorry, I think you made a huge deal out of nothing. Getting a 4 month old baby out of the car isn't a big deal, and I'm sure that's what your in-laws thought, and they were concerned about being later than they already were. Sounds like you let anxiety get the better of you.

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