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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws and wedding

70 replies

abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:03

Genuinely unsure wether IABU here or not.

Went to a wedding recently with the inlaws (mum, dad, two siblings and partners). We took our 4 mo baby. I was a bit nervous about it and just how much work it would be as we travelled over 200 miles and stayed over so it was quite an effort but we wanted to go.

I had said I was feeling a bit anxious about how it would go as we haven't travelled or done an event like that with our little one and MIL and FIL said they would help and not to worry.

So we got to the wedding, us in one car, the rest of the family in another. They take the last remaining parking space, all bundle out and start heading towards the venue. My partner took down the window and shouted that we didn't have a space and baby was crying so could they hold on to help me unpack and get him in his pram so my partner could keep going and try and find a space. They just said that people were being ushered in and kept walking, away into the venue and into their seats. So I rushed to try and get baby out of the car, in the process loosing the keys to the keyless start car, baby crying, trying to get bags etc together, car stranded in the middle of car park 🤦🏼‍♀️ we eventually got our shit together and into the venue, taking our seats beside our family that fucked off and left us.

I was quite hurt, not angry and just thought it wasn't a very nice thing to do atall. We left early the next day and we haven't said anything, have seen them since but I just think it wasn't very nice. AIBU?

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 20/11/2021 08:43

You sound a bit pfb. How many people does it take to put one small baby in a pram?

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 08:44

Honestly I’d say that was a stressful 5 minutes and just move on.

I’m not sure what they could’ve helped with really anyway.

huuskymam · 20/11/2021 08:46

Did your dh not get out for a second to help? I presume everyone else was already inside so blocking a car for a minute wouldn't be a big deal.

ApolloandDaphne · 20/11/2021 08:46

You were stressed about parking the car and the baby, they were stressed because they were in charge of timings and were worried they were late. I think it was just one of those things and if nothing else untoward has happened you should just let it go.

Sally872 · 20/11/2021 08:46

It was inconsiderate but not worth falling out over. I wouldn't realise you needed help getting a pram out although understand crying baby can make situation more stressful.

If late the probably though all of you walking in late would be more obvious and you and your partner have reason of crying baby.

Gazelda · 20/11/2021 08:50

But maybe they thought that your partner would just drop you and baby at the door (no need for the pram) and then find a parking space. One person late for the ceremony rather than 9.
A thoughtless lack or communication at worst. Don't dwell on it.

BeyondMyWits · 20/11/2021 08:51

They were a bit thoughtless, not nice.

But it has passed, life goes on.

MissLC · 20/11/2021 08:51

Unfortunately I think its quite normal for family not to understand or forget how difficult it is for a new mum.
We went on a family holiday for a week with the full in law family (12 adults and 13 kids) with our difficult 5 month old and not one person helped for even half an hour the whole week we were there. They even ignored me when I said that we'd either need to leave pub lunch now (everyone had finished) or wait an hour as baby needed feeding and I was driving people back.
I got so upset and found the week so difficult and really wished I hadn't gone to he honest

Nyxly · 20/11/2021 08:52

Everyone was a bit stressed sue to being late, they were being ushered in and tnh all you needed to do was get the baby and the changing bag out, did you need a pram? Your dh couldn't look for a space while you were getting the pram out of the car.

You were stressed, they were stressed and probably a bit embarrassed about being ushered in.

I don't think this is a big enough deal to be not speaking to someone or leaving things early.

Also if there was only one spot free one of you were going to park where you did. Not sure it really makes a difference who did. Why would he keep looking for a space of at this point you all knew it was the last space?

Original poster
abenbaked · 20/11/2021 08:54

@Gazelda

But maybe they thought that your partner would just drop you and baby at the door (no need for the pram) and then find a parking space. One person late for the ceremony rather than 9. A thoughtless lack or communication at worst. Don't dwell on it.
It wasn't a drop at the door sort of venue - it was on a working farm in like a barn conversion so you had to walk across deep gravel and a grass path to get to it. Probably not a great idea to unload the buggy. Anyway, I see IABU and probably should've planned better and probably just won't expect too much.
OP posts:
PurBal · 20/11/2021 09:01

Sounds inconsiderate for sure. As for being a bit late I’d take it as a learning experience. DH and I have a “we’re only responsible for ourselves” rule. Otherwise it’s super stressful. We did a wedding with DS at 4 weeks (4 hour drive) and 4 months. We allowed far more time than needed, stayed overnight when we wouldn’t have done in the past etc. We planned to arrive early so DS could have a feed before the service, I still ended up BF him half way through at the first one because he was so little and fed on demand.

CloseThePackWithAClickClack · 20/11/2021 09:01

I think one could have stayed behind to help with the pram and to walk in with you but it didn’t require the entire family. I wouldn’t fall out over it personally.

AndTime · 20/11/2021 09:08

They wouldn't have know you list the keys which sounds like it happened because you were panicking and stressing about getting the pram out and it really doesn't take a whole family to to get a baby out of a car. They didn't do anything wrong.

MoreAloneTime · 20/11/2021 09:22

I wouldn't fall out with them over this but I'd learn from it and try not to put myself in any situations where you rely on them to help you.

gabsdot45 · 20/11/2021 09:22

Personally I think you're very much over reacting.
You had to get your baby out of the car and into a pram and there were 2 of you. That's really no big deal.. Your partner should have got out of the car to help you, it would have taken 2 minutes at most.
The fact that it has upset you so much says more about you than your Inlaws. Perhaps you are finding motherhood difficult and overwhelming. That's perfectly reasonable and understandable and I sympathise. But don't go getting upset with other people.

Seemssounfair · 20/11/2021 09:31

Both you and your partner were there to get the buggy and baby out the car, what would more people who didnt know what bag you needed actually have done to help?

Would have been nice if they had waited and walked in with you, but dont think there was anything they really could have done to help.

MoreAloneTime · 20/11/2021 09:33

How could they both get out in the middle of a car park with no parking space? Yes the OP could have managed on her own but it was bloody inconsiderate of them.

Needdoughnuts · 20/11/2021 09:42

I would imagine they had no idea what 'unpack' etc meant. Why the pram? How many bags do you need? A learning curve for you both. Another time, baby into sling/arms, grab your bag and off you go. As we all learn you don't need the kitchen sink every time you go out! 😄

ZenNudist · 20/11/2021 09:43

Don't hold a grudge against family. It sounds like you were late and you got in a panic being with baby. You will get used to it. You will learn to deal with baby alone very competently and won't need an army of adults to help you.

When we had ds2, dh and I were on a rare occasion both fussing over him after he'd had a bath and I realised we didn't do that much any more. With ds1 it took the 2 of us to do stuff but then you get used to it and are dealing with a toddler and a baby single handed no problems

I remember a friend totally panicking over perfectly normal packing a changing bag to leave the house with her (younger than my) dc. I was bemused because I'd got to the point of being able to go places with minimal stuff. You forget that it's a stress for new parents. It becomes second nature.

You can leave heaps of things in the car and go collect extra clothes etc if you needed them. Use the changing mat insert from your changing bag (or travel changing mat) to hold a nappy or thin pack of wipes, and nappy sacks. Just take essentials.

I was never a sling fan so like you would probably have got the pram out. I suggest getting an easy umbrella fold or I like baby jogger city mini. You can use it from birth and its useful to have an easy lightweight stroller as well as the pram is so unwieldy. The bjcm you can open one handed and bung baby in.

Even when little I'd use the car seat in the travel system as its a bit more manoeuvrable than the pram.

Ah well, you learn!

Nyxly · 20/11/2021 09:45

But they left their abandoned in the middle anyway. There was nowhere to park so he was getting out anyway.

Dancingqueen90 · 20/11/2021 10:07

Oh op I hear you. We had to do a wedding when our DC1 was 6 months . My parents were going and thought they would help a little..nah! They were useless and I told them so the next day.
You have my every sympathy.

faw2009 · 20/11/2021 10:08

Were all the siblings-in-law with the parents-in-law too? In which case I think one of them could have helped, especially as you had expressed some worries beforehand and your husband asked them.
Set your expectations low on any help from them in the future.

Dancingqueen90 · 20/11/2021 10:16

God some of the comments on here are really unfair. Doesn't matter if it doesn't take more than one person to unpack a car or why they were late or what even happened to the car key.

A new mum and dad said "hey family can you help" and they didn't and walked off. That's not ok.

If it were me, I would say something along the lines of "we asked for help and it wasn't cool that no one did". Call it out. But no need for an argument. Just mention it. At least they know..

As some people in above posts have mentioned. People forget how hard having a tiny person is.

Hope you are ok op xx

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 10:17

The baby is 4 months. Not a newborn.

PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 10:18

@Waahingwashingwashing

The baby is 4 months. Not a newborn.
Still hard work though!