Have I left it too late?

[Patriciathestripper1]

My marriage is awful. There is no emotional closeness from his side or romance or anything. I avoid going to bed as I know he will pester me for sex and I end up going through the motions for him.
I actully don’t like him anymore as he causes rows all the time, picks on everything I do and what our daughter Does. I could go on and on but it’s quite depressing really.
I’m now 57 and have a part time job with a low wage, It just about covers our weekly shopping snd dd out of school activities. DH makes sure I spend it too as he dosnt like me having money.
I have no savings. I sometimes think about just walking out with dd and going to a refuge and trying to start again. She is 14 and has never been allowed friends over or to sleep out… he dislikes everyone. If we plan days out he spoils them. Have I left it too late to start again?

I am 10 years older than you and got married for the second time a few months ago, after 20 years in a marriage and a long time single which I began to understand was abusive and controlling (the children were allowed friends, but I wasn’t, for example, male or female. I wasn’t even allowed private email, or to get a job - it sounds crazy now, but there was always a seemingly rational explanation: he earned to much money to waste his time cutting the grass; I could support the family best by supporting him earning money...)

I did leave the marriage younger than you, and I felt absolutely terrible about it, because we had children, mostly mostly grown up, but not the youngest.

I spent a very long time single just recovering, but the point is the same: at 57 you aren’t too old to have a life. Maybe you’ll recover faster than I did! There’s a lot more support and understanding these days.

And your daughter is just the right age to see that you have a life. That’s also an important lesson for her.

Last time he didn’t speak to me or our daughter for three weeks solid."

This is abusive behaviour. Don't let your daughter be exposed to this horrible man any longer.

My mum left at 74, it is not too late

Never to late to bring happiness into your life!

Could you find a safe place to talk to womens aid or the local CAB? either may be able to help you find out what you may be entitled to which may make more options for you. If you go it will be hard. But if you stay you will continue to have your self esteem bashed. And that of your DD who is being run down constantly. This kind of abuse is so toxic - when I worked in a womans shelter the clients would tell me that they almost preferred being hit because bruises fade but the damage that words do lasts. It is not too late - you and your daughter deserve more than this arseshole.