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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my Husband not to swear in front of our daughter?

59 replies

mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 18:28

My Husband thinks the world of our daughter but often looses his temper and swears in front of her even calling her a fucking little bitch for not having an afternoon nap just because he wanted to have a nap himself. He always feels bad about it afterwards but that dosn't stop him from doing it again. When I talk to him about it he Just says he promises not to do it again. I'm so anoyed with him as I would be devistated if Lucy ever swore and so would he. How can I make him stop it and control his temper?

OP posts:
coldtits · 14/12/2007 18:30

Well, you could have another baby and point it out to him when she calls the baby a "Fucking little bitch" for crying. Because that's what he is teaching her - that it is acceptable to speak to vulnerable people like shit.

You can't make him control his temper. You can refuse to tolerate his language though.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 14/12/2007 18:37

Unacceptable language.

How old is she?

How old is he, having a tantrum because he can't have his naptime.

He needs to sort himself out. It's pathetic.

Show him this.

YOU'RE A TWONK. GROW UP.

Elizabetth · 14/12/2007 18:38

That isn't just swearing in front of her - he's verbally abusing her calling her names like that. It's bullying.

Does he call you names too?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 18:39

Yes your right coldtits I'm always trying to protect her from his foul mouth. I take her away quickly or cover her ears. It's such a shame he lets himself down in such a big way. I hate swearing so maybe it's aimed at me too.

OP posts:
YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 14/12/2007 18:39

I was just coming back to add that Eliiabetth!

He's not stubbing his toe and saying "Oh fuck that hurt", he is spewing venom at his child.

He should be ashamed.

FioFio · 14/12/2007 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 18:42

She is only 2.5 and he is 32 years old and has more tantrums than she does.
I will show him this maybe it'll make him think.

OP posts:
glaskham · 14/12/2007 18:44

my husband gets severley told off for saying crap in front of our two (not at them but just around them)...at nearly 3 and 19mths they are what i like to call sponges and will copy anything!! our ds trapped his finger a couple of weeks ago and shouted crap and we were horrified....and thats nowhere as bad as what your dh is saying to your dd!!!

if my husband said anything like that to any of our two i'd be livid with him, and i'd let the kids see me 'telling him off' so they know its bad!!

PortAndLemonaid · 14/12/2007 18:47

The swearing in front of her is the least of your problems, TBH. Swearing at her and verbally abusing her is completely out of order.

choosyfloosy · 14/12/2007 18:49

I have to say that few men I know would react well to being told 'look at this, all these women who don't know you think your behaviour is terrible.'

Having said that, I can imagine forgiving my dh an affair quite easily, but I can't really imagine forgiving him for swearing like this at a child who has done nothing wrong. it would be ridiculous to say 'leave him' for this but she WILL copy him, of course she will, not just swearing but probably bullying too. How does he plan to deal with this?

mylittlepudding · 14/12/2007 18:54

He needs to deal with his anger problem.
To do that, he needs to recognise he has an anger problem.

I think it's harder for men, unless their anger gets them in trouble with the law. If it were me I would sit and write it all down, and then try to talk to him. And in the meantime, I would explain that I didn't want him to look after her any more.

TinselHockey · 14/12/2007 18:57

It's not often my jaw drops to the floor. What the hell are you doing with this man?

JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 18:57

My DH gets very snappy & short-tempered with me and the kids sometimes and it does really uspet me, however, he does refrain from using really bad language. YANBU to be annoyed with your DH.

My next door neighbours argue constantly in front of their 2 kids age 6 and 3 & the F- word comes up several times and 'She' is worse than the husband . Her language is downright disgusting.

Elizabetth · 14/12/2007 19:04

"I will show him this maybe it'll make him think."

Tell him he's a fucking wanker abusing a little child like that. And if he doesn't like being talked about like that by strangers (and who would?), how the hell does he think a toddler feels being sworn at by the person who is supposed to love and respect her?

Honestly I'm a bit worried that all you're concerned about is the swearing, the lack of respect and abuse towards a tiny child is much more worrying. He could do her emotional damage treating her like this.

TinselHockey · 14/12/2007 19:14

Hear hear!

JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 19:16

Very well said Elizabeth. I love your posts .

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 19:19

I know, it's not just the swaring. It usually is just swearing but a few times including today it has been aimed at her. I can't tollerate him verbally abusing our daughter. She is a real Daddy's girl and they worship each other usually and this just makes it worse as she's bound to feel as if her world has fallen appart when he snaps at her.

OP posts:
JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 19:30

Op - my DD is a proper daddy's girl too, however, when she was a baby (and DS who is 2) and they used to wake up crying he used to swear - BUT not directly at them but say things like shut the f - up and it used to really really uspet me.

If he is calling your DD a f-ing little bitch then that is totally unacceptable. What is it with men (some) they can't handle any amount of inconvenience or stress.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 19:33

If he ever swears at her again I'll take him aside and knee him in the balls, after a few of them he should get the message. If he dosn't listen to me then maybe this is the best cause of action.

OP posts:
SpeccieSeccie · 14/12/2007 19:35

(that's the first time I've used that emoticon)

But really?! Calling his two year old a 'fucking little bitch'? I'm seething.

purpleduck · 14/12/2007 19:36

mll - agree that it is verbal abuse, very bad example etc etc

glaskam ROFL at lo shouting CRAP

Our kids seem to know what are "grown up words" and don't repeat. Thank f*ck!

choosyfloosy · 14/12/2007 19:37

Ok, sorry but I am having a sense of humour failure tonight.

To me it is no more acceptable to say 'if my husband steps out of line I will knee him in the balls' than it is for a man to say 'if my ball and chain looks at another man I'll belt her one' or than it is for a parent to say 'Shut the fck up you little btch.' I'm sure it's all meant to be funny, of course.

In the context of this thread, do you think you could spend a few seconds thinking about the level of violence and anger in your family? Maybe it's nothing like it sounds, and I hope so, because it sounds like something out of Tom and Jerry.

OK, butting out now.

TinselHockey · 14/12/2007 19:41

Don't worry CF I'm with you. Don't find any of this funny.

Janni · 14/12/2007 19:42

I have been a full time mum for eleven years and the worst I have ever said, when TOTALLY at the end of my tether is 'shut up'.

There is absolutely no doubt that if he talks to your dd like this, that is how she will end up talking - to you, him, friends or siblings.

Kneeing him in the testicles is going to do nothing to help this situation. You need to exercise some really strong moral authority here. These cliches 'daddy's girl' and 'adore each other' are a bit strange when coupled with the behaviour you describe.

JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 19:46

Janni after 11 years you deserve a medal . I have been a SAHM for 5 years & I am more than ready to return to work.

I agree though - the most I have ever said to DC's when totally stressed is 'shut up'.

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