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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my Husband not to swear in front of our daughter?

59 replies

mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 18:28

My Husband thinks the world of our daughter but often looses his temper and swears in front of her even calling her a fucking little bitch for not having an afternoon nap just because he wanted to have a nap himself. He always feels bad about it afterwards but that dosn't stop him from doing it again. When I talk to him about it he Just says he promises not to do it again. I'm so anoyed with him as I would be devistated if Lucy ever swore and so would he. How can I make him stop it and control his temper?

OP posts:
wilbur · 14/12/2007 19:47

I'm more that your dh could call a 2 year old a bitch than use the F word in front of her. Absolutely, totally, irredeemably unacceptable. Girls whose fathers speak to them like that are far more likely to get involved with men in later life who treat them badly and abuse them. That is what he is setting her up for, by speaking to her like that. Stop him now.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 19:47

No, I know it's not funny and it was only a joke. No one in our family is violent. I'm just trying to cheer myself up a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 19:54

I agree janni, it does seem strange that they are so close with what I've discribed but he has only aimed the language at her about twice in her life, although he swares quite a lot it is hardly ever aimed at her.

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 14/12/2007 19:57

MLL you sound a lovely mum. So sorry you are living with this awful situation.

If he says things like that to an adorable 2.5 yr old, what's going to happen when she is a painful 5 yr old who wont get ready for school/ an annoying 7 yr old who wont go for her bath/ a willful 12 year old who wants to stay out till 10?

He has to stop this now, otherwise it will become a downward spiral where he hits more and more lows in his disgusting behaviour

Elizabetth · 14/12/2007 20:03

MLL, I asked before but does he ever call you names like "bitch" too?

Don't blame you for wanting to cheer yourself up, it's a very depressing situation.

geekymummy · 14/12/2007 20:15

I'm in agreement with everyone else - YANBU!!!!

I'm livid the few times DH has sworn at me, to verbally abuse his daughter at any age is bang out of order .

He may be "sorry", but the question is, what will he actually do about it? IMO, this needs to be nipped in the bud and dealt with, else I feel this is can be a slippery slope...

hercules1 · 14/12/2007 20:20

The op is one of the saddest ones I've read on mumsnet. I agree with the others about the violence etc. WHat will he say to her when she's older?

Personally I couldnt deal with someone speaking to my daughter in that way.

WOuld you let a stranger off the street talk to her in that way???

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 20:21

Thanks universallychallenged, It does have to stop definetely. Ive had words with him and quoted a lot of things mums have said on this thred. I also showed him the photoes of her that I collected today in her fairy dress. She looks like a little angel and I told him to repeat what he said to her, he was very upset and wanted to wake her up to appolagise. He is going to take us out somewhere nice tommorrow and spend quality time relaxing together,(well sort of.) He also said that if he ever gets stressed again he will just walk away and go and calm down on his own.
I hope that is the end of it.

OP posts:
walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 14/12/2007 20:22

Haven't read whole thread but one thing to say:

HE SOUNDS A TREAT

hercules1 · 14/12/2007 20:23

Let's hope so but I doubt it..
Has he considered any other help for his temper?

JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 20:24

MLL - no disrespect but your spelling is pretty poor.

hercules1 · 14/12/2007 20:25

Jinglyjangly what the hell has her spelling got to do with anything?

walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 14/12/2007 20:25

JJ - what's that got to do with anything?

TinselHockey · 14/12/2007 20:27

I'm sure that's just what she needs to hear.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 20:27

Elizabeth, he has called me names like that in the past but I'll put him in his place and that dosn't bother me that much. It does bother me a great deal when he did it to her. Believe me he knows how angary I am.

OP posts:
JinglyJangly · 14/12/2007 20:27

my spelling and grammar is far from great but the OP's is not good.

hercules1 · 14/12/2007 20:28

so?

hercules1 · 14/12/2007 20:28

Do you know each other? I can only assume you do and it's an in joke or something..

coldtits · 14/12/2007 20:31

there is a time and a place, jj.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2007 20:32

jingly jangly, yes I know my spelling is bad it's one of the down sides of being dyslecsic, one of the upsides though is that people are always so kind in pointing it out.

OP posts:
TinselHockey · 14/12/2007 20:34

Round of applause for JJ for kicking someone when they're down

coby · 14/12/2007 20:36

mummyloveslucy - I'm in the same situation as you(and sometimes worse)

He is unlikely to be able to control this anger himself. It sounds like he is not a bad guy most of the time, but obviously he loses control very quickly sometimes and then regrets his behaviour. It is incredibly hard for a person to change this kind of behaviour themselves.

If he seems as though he is genuinely wanting to change, give him a chance to do it himself. If there is no permamnent change in his behaviour that starts to take effect relatively soon then you are going to have to do what you have done tonight with the photos etc and tell him to get professional help with anger management. He won't want to do it (it's very hard for men in particular to do) but he'll have to for his daughter. He can get help via his doctor and I would advise you to go to the doctor with him when he firsts asks for help.

I promise you, I'm talking fom experience on this one and this is not the easiest bit of typing I have ever done! Don't let this get you down. Good luck

Sparkletastic · 14/12/2007 20:37

Am tempted to use all sorts of colourful language JinglyJangly but suffice to say beggar off to Pedants Corner. mummyloveslucy - sounds like DH knows he has stepped way over the mark and I really like the way you've handled it with the photo etc.

walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 14/12/2007 20:37

JJ - wthat was a nobbish thing to do

Janos · 14/12/2007 20:42

Spiteful and unneccessary comment there JJ. That is helping the OP how, exactly?

MLL you come across fine, don't worry. Glad you are taking action over it though as it's just not acceptable for your DH to talk to your wee girl like that. It's good that he realises that.