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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this just horrible to think about?

60 replies

fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:00

My niece had her 15th bday today. We caught up with her via fb to ask what she wanted for her bday and had she had a nice day. We asked for her personal bank details to send her money as her mum has form for pocketing bday money to fund "big presents". I was very saddened to hear that her parents got her no bday presents this year because they forked out £600 privately for foot surgery on her. Aibu that vital surgery does not constitute a bday present?! Waiting times with NHS ate ridiculous at the moment so they went private but intimately billed her as bday and Christmas presents on this! Whattttt?

OP posts:
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 19/11/2021 00:03

Did they discuss it and your niece decided she would rather have the surgery than presents?

waitingpatientlyforspring · 19/11/2021 00:04

This is sad for a child. If she was an adult and it was what she wanted then kind of fair enough (you would still get something to open). I mean, some smellies, chocolate, new sock etc don't cost much but give her something to open.

WorraLiberty · 19/11/2021 00:06

Honestly? I think you should mind your own business.

She's 15 and it's likely they've discussed with her and explained the situation.

It's also very possible they'll get her a couple of little stocking fillers.

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:09

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Did they discuss it and your niece decided she would rather have the surgery than presents?
No. It only came up once her bday came around. They said we can't buy you any bday presents because the surgery was expensive. I appreciate that the surgery cost a lot of money. I have 2 kids myself but I wouldn't dream of telling my kids no presents because I did a parent thing and paid for something you needed.....chocs and smellies even. Doesn't have to cost a lot. Its just so sad.
OP posts:
Cocopogo · 19/11/2021 00:10

Such a shame for her but maybe they have no money left. Have you been in touch with your sibling, presumably DB since you only mentioned “her mum has form” to offer any support?

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:11

@WorraLiberty

Honestly? I think you should mind your own business.

She's 15 and it's likely they've discussed with her and explained the situation.

It's also very possible they'll get her a couple of little stocking fillers.

Stocking fillers for her bday? Nope she's getting nothing at all.
OP posts:
Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:12

@Cocopogo

Such a shame for her but maybe they have no money left. Have you been in touch with your sibling, presumably DB since you only mentioned “her mum has form” to offer any support?
We have given her money for her bday into her personal bank account to do what she wants with
OP posts:
MrsDrSpencerReid · 19/11/2021 00:12

Bloody hell that’s horrible!

My DD is turning 15 in a few weeks and I couldn’t imagine doing this to her. Sad

At the very least they could’ve got her a little something to unwrap like the previous poster said, chocolates/socks/sweets.

And she’s not getting anything for Christmas either? Sad

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:14

I will preface with when I say her mum has form for this...she had the family over for Xmas a few years ago and charged us all £100 a head when she got all the food for free from her volunteer job. It was in the daily fail...

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 19/11/2021 00:17

£600 doesn't seem enough to pay for any surgery. Are you sure that's the correct amount? A couple of grand would be more like it.

WorraLiberty · 19/11/2021 00:19

Stocking fillers for her bday? Nope she's getting nothing at all.

Birthday? Confused

Did you forget that you included Christmas in your opening post?

Either way, you clearly hate the girl's mother so there's no point in me suggesting you find out her version of events.

Cocopogo · 19/11/2021 00:19

So you didn’t get her anything to open either? What a shame.

LizBennet · 19/11/2021 00:22

@fluffyatemycake

I will preface with when I say her mum has form for this...she had the family over for Xmas a few years ago and charged us all £100 a head when she got all the food for free from her volunteer job. It was in the daily fail...
Do you mean a thread started by you and lifted by the Daily Mail?
Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:23

@Porcupineintherough

£600 doesn't seem enough to pay for any surgery. Are you sure that's the correct amount? A couple of grand would be more like it.
This is what my niece said!
OP posts:
Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:24

@Cocopogo

So you didn’t get her anything to open either? What a shame.
...we asked her what she wanted and she said money. How many 15 year olds do you know what want random gifts from their aunts that don't know what's cool?!!
OP posts:
Crazycakelady17 · 19/11/2021 00:24

That’s awful fair enough if she was a adult and they agreed it between themselves but to say to the child AFTER the surgery that it will be replacing birthday and Christmas
I wouldn’t even do that to my 20 year old child

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:25

@WorraLiberty

Stocking fillers for her bday? Nope she's getting nothing at all.

Birthday? Confused

Did you forget that you included Christmas in your opening post?

Either way, you clearly hate the girl's mother so there's no point in me suggesting you find out her version of events.

I clearly said bday. Read again. I don't hate the girls mother at all but she is a standard CF in every sense of the word and I feel very sorry for the situation that has left her daughter in.
OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 19/11/2021 00:26

I don't like this thread. Asking people to comment on one situation and then adding stuff in. I wonder what OP hopes to gain from this?

LizBennet · 19/11/2021 00:27

@Anordinarymum

I don't like this thread. Asking people to comment on one situation and then adding stuff in. I wonder what OP hopes to gain from this?
Another thread in the Daily Mail I'd guess.
WorraLiberty · 19/11/2021 00:28

I clearly said bday. Read again.

Waiting times with NHS ate ridiculous at the moment so they went private but intimately billed her as bday and Christmas presents on this! Whattttt?

And you're telling me to read again? Confused

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:28

I'd rather it didn't!

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 19/11/2021 00:28

Was it necessary life or death surgery because if it was cosmetic then sorry but I’m with the parents. Why shouldn’t it be a gift for birthday or Christmas. Surgery isn’t cheap and if they aren’t made of money then I get it.

Geppili · 19/11/2021 00:29

I think that is incredibly mean.

Geppili · 19/11/2021 00:30

Op referred to it as vital surgery.

Original poster
fluffyatemycake · 19/11/2021 00:30

@CharlotteRose90

Was it necessary life or death surgery because if it was cosmetic then sorry but I’m with the parents. Why shouldn’t it be a gift for birthday or Christmas. Surgery isn’t cheap and if they aren’t made of money then I get it.
Is foot surgery cosmetic? She broke her toes in a tournament
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