Or is this just horrible to think about?

[fluffyatemycake]

My niece had her 15th bday today. We caught up with her via fb to ask what she wanted for her bday and had she had a nice day. We asked for her personal bank details to send her money as her mum has form for pocketing bday money to fund "big presents". I was very saddened to hear that her parents got her no bday presents this year because they forked out £600 privately for foot surgery on her. Aibu that vital surgery does not constitute a bday present?! Waiting times with NHS ate ridiculous at the moment so they went private but intimately billed her as bday and Christmas presents on this! Whattttt?

Some of these replies are weirdly over-the-top hostile. People are strange.
You're not being unreasonable OP, as usual just a boat load of projection in the replies.

If this is actually what happened then I do think it's very mean BUT broken bones that require surgery aren't put off by hospitals so I think there may be more to the story than you are saying.

She only wanted money from you though? So she might be happy with the £600 spent on her foot

I recently spent thousands on knee surgery for my DD15. If I hadn't it would have taken 2 years before it could have been done on the NHS. She would not have minded at all if I'd said we couldn't afford a present - getting the surgery was far more important to her.

I struggle to believe that essential surgery would not be dealt with under the NHS. if the waiting time was too long and the parents were able to have this done quickly by paying then they are lucky to have been able to afford that.
I'm interested about the "tournament" that was mentioned-this sounds like it could be related to an expensive hobby.
Relatives are very rarely totally aware of family finances and whether a family is short of money.
If they are being told by the 15 year old that the parents are not short of money then that is hardly a reliable source of information.

Why is it just her Mum that's told her no presents? Surely it's also her father and the person who you or your spouse is blood related to. Why aren't you speaking in private to your blood relative over not getting their DD a present?
Was the tournament part of privately paid for sport? Does the child get a lot in general?

I would've been very upset with this at 15! And yes I think it's sad. The parents can't be that skint if they went private, something like that is unlikely to have a huge wait on NHS, especially as children are prioritised

The NHS classification of non urgent surgery especially at the moment after Covid doesn't necessarily put this in the cosmetic surgery vanity bracket. The girl could well have been left unable to walk and in pain for a long period of time.

When I had a suspected brain tumour my GP strongly advised me to pay for a private neurologist consultation as the wait for an NHS appointment was so long. As things turned out I would have almost certainly died before getting that appointment on the NHS.

It does sound pretty awful. I think many people on these threads couldn’t imaging parents not doing their best for their kids but it happens.

There is a distant relative on dh’s side who couldn’t care less about her kids. Their stepfather (who she left and who the family disapproved of initially) was far more of a parent than she was. For her eldest daughters 16th she was given no present but told she would pay her deposit on a rental flat. The girl didn’t actually want to move out and made no suggestion that she had any indication of doing so. She didn’t even have a job. But this was her ‘present’ snd she was told to start looking. Thankfully the dsf took her in so she had no use of the money but that meant that didn’t get a thing for her birthday.

Waiting times with NHS ate ridiculous at the moment so they went private but intimately billed her as bday and Christmas presents on this!

I clearly said bday. Read again. I don't hate the girls mother at all but she is a standard CF in every sense of the word and I feel very sorry for the situation that has left her daughter in.

You might want to re read yourself @fluffyatemycake