Or is this just horrible to think about?

[fluffyatemycake]

My niece had her 15th bday today. We caught up with her via fb to ask what she wanted for her bday and had she had a nice day. We asked for her personal bank details to send her money as her mum has form for pocketing bday money to fund "big presents". I was very saddened to hear that her parents got her no bday presents this year because they forked out £600 privately for foot surgery on her. Aibu that vital surgery does not constitute a bday present?! Waiting times with NHS ate ridiculous at the moment so they went private but intimately billed her as bday and Christmas presents on this! Whattttt?

@fluffyatemycake

I'd rather it didn't!

Aye

So so mean and cheap.

How can you judge if you don't know their financial circumstances? Yes it's a shame but she obviously needed this foot surgery. How do you know they aren't down to the last pennies?

You sound horribly judgemental.

@WTGN

How can you judge if you don't know their financial circumstances? Yes it's a shame but she obviously needed this foot surgery. How do you know they aren't down to the last pennies?

You sound horribly judgemental.

I am related to them and I know very well what their finances are. They are not shy of a few bob...at all.

YABU

Mind your bloody business and if you can't because you've got nothing going on in your own life, speak to the parents to get their version of events.

Yes, because everyone tells their relatives their exact financial circumstances 🙄🙄

Look, this thread says far more about you than this girl's parents.

You're taking a 15yr old's exact word for the fact they didn't make it clear she wouldn't be getting an expensive birthday present and Christmas present on top of the surgery (although you seem to have forgotten you added the Christmas bit to the story).

You're taking her word for the fact they didn't buy her a box of chocolates or 'smellies' to open (when she may not have wanted them anyway).

And not only did you not bother buying her something to open either, but you didn't even bother ringing her on her birthday...you used Facebook instead. Would you even have remembered it was her birthday if Facebook hadn't sent you a notification informing you?

Then to top it all, apart from claiming you know all about her parents personal financial circumstances, you've started a thread on a public forum, inviting people to criticise her parents too.

What's missing from your life that you feel the need to do this?

Apart from wanting another story in the Daily Mail? 🙄

@fluffyatemycake if she can walk then yeah it’s cosmetic. The nhs have more priorities right now sorry. She should have waited or be grateful they’ve spent that money on her. Mind your own business.

So send your brother a tenner and tell him to get her a present tomorrow morning then? But I'm wondering if she actually has had what I had as a kid... 100 things bought at the shops in the run up to my birthday because I'd begged to have an early present. Then when asked how many presents I got on my birthday I wouldn't remember the 100 things I'd been given early.

Yes, it’s horrible.

Giving her some money was the right thing to do.

You’re a good aunt.

Your poor niece! Surgery most certainly does not count as birthday or a Christmas present. I realise it was expensive but surely they could afford some little things to acknowledge her birthday - and it was especially bad to spring the news on her on her birthday. Thank goodness she has a kind aunt, but really her parents have failed badly in my opinion.

@WorraLiberty

Yes, because everyone tells their relatives their exact financial circumstances 🙄🙄

Look, this thread says far more about you than this girl's parents.

You're taking a 15yr old's exact word for the fact they didn't make it clear she wouldn't be getting an expensive birthday present and Christmas present on top of the surgery (although you seem to have forgotten you added the Christmas bit to the story).

You're taking her word for the fact they didn't buy her a box of chocolates or 'smellies' to open (when she may not have wanted them anyway).

And not only did you not bother buying her something to open either, but you didn't even bother ringing her on her birthday...you used Facebook instead. Would you even have remembered it was her birthday if Facebook hadn't sent you a notification informing you?

Then to top it all, apart from claiming you know all about her parents personal financial circumstances, you've started a thread on a public forum, inviting people to criticise her parents too.

What's missing from your life that you feel the need to do this?

I did ring her. We spoke in length. I asked her prior to her bday and she said she wanted cash. Usually we would send cash to her mum and she took it so asked niece for her bank details. I'm not saying niece got no expensive presents because she had necessary surgery on her foot...you know you walk on...she had no presents at all from her parents. I can tell you now my daughter has been reminding me for the past 2 months of my neices bday...although I know it anyway..even my 6 year old managed to save up her pocket money to buy her a present but her own mum has told her flat out you got nothing. They are not hard up at all which makes this so confusing and weird to me.

How can you judge if you don't know their financial circumstances? Yes it's a shame but she obviously needed this foot surgery. How do you know they aren't down to the last pennies?

I'm sure the OP has far more idea about their financial circumstances than you, a complete stranger, does.

For all those who disagree with OP I feel sorry for your poor kids.

I actually don’t see the problem with this. I’d rather have parents that scrimped and saved to put my health and well-being first than splurged it on birthday tat. She’s 15 and will be old enough to appreciate that. Having parents willing to pay for private surgery is a huge privilege.

I'm just wondering what is the point of this thread?

Gosh if someone spent £600 on non-urgent surgery for me I wouldn't expect more than a card either for my birthday. Christmas is different.

You only have her side of the story. 15-year-old girls (most of us here have bern one) are not always the most honest people and are prone to embellishments. Maybe they bought he a few small things but she doesn’t consider them to be presents.

Considering you left it until the day of her birthday to ask her what she wanted (and you’re not even getting her that, you’re just chucking money into her bank account), you don’t have much room to talk.

Are you worried about her care apart from this?
If yes, it's a concern and you may need to help protect her.
If no, it's not your business.
(Just my opinion)

Aye, right, FluffyMcShitStirrer

Well seeing you didnae enable voting. At 15, your niece is old enough to start understanding the cost of things and budgets etc, and sometimes when a large outlay has had to be made, especially where in other circumstances, the surgery would have been able to go ahead free on the NHS, in a more timely manner, then at times that means finances are limited, and if you haven’t got it – you can’t spend it. Which means yes at times you can't have/get everything you want all the time, even if you are just about to turn 15.

You are the one stating it was vital surgery, and further drip fed in response to another PPs post, that she broke her toes in a tournament – so she clearly competes in some sort of sport or partakes in an activity she takes seriously – so it may well have been that in order for her to continue in her sport/activity, she needed the surgery on the broken bones asap, to maybe re-set them, otherwise she may have been left with a loss of flexibility/restricted mobility in her feet and therefore could be a hinderance in this, or could cause her serious problems later in life. So yes, if her parents forked out a not unsubstantial sum, in order to ensure their daughter’s broken bones heal as well as they can, and that means she isn’t able to get a birthday present, that’s not an acceptable way for her parents to spend their money on her, in your opinion, well quite frankly that’s none of your business and you need to take your beak, and stick it right out of their business.

Care to mention what type of tournament she competes in (or a like for like example so as not to identify you niece any further, when the Daily Fail pick up your Sad Face follow up story, seeing as how you’ve managed to shoehorn in all the emotional buzz words like, so confused/it's so confusing for me/it’s just so sad/the mother has form for this/she’s a standard cheeky fucker and so on.

I think we all know who the CF is, in this situation.

i would suggest it was all talked about and sorted in her own family, and there were no problem with anything. Other peoples views do not matter,

£600 doesn't seem enough to pay for any surgery. Are you sure that's the correct amount? A couple of grand would be more like it

I had partial nail avulsion on both big toes which was exactly £600. And such a massive relief!

@Summerfun54321

I actually don’t see the problem with this. I’d rather have parents that scrimped and saved to put my health and well-being first than splurged it on birthday tat. She’s 15 and will be old enough to appreciate that. Having parents willing to pay for private surgery is a huge privilege.

I agree 100 percent. The parents chose to spend their money on her surgery. That’s what they prioritised ahead of needless tar. That’s a good, responsible decision, IMO.

And it always makes me laugh on here when posters confidently proclaim that they’re certain about other peoples finances, I’m surprised we didn’t have the usual “considers two foreign holidays a year to be a basic human right, new car, won’t shop in primark” etc to back up her opinion. The reality is you know nothing about their actual finances. I earn very very well and my family would assume that I have bundles of spare cash, and I’m general I do, but there have been times things have been tight due to circumstances and commitments I have kept private and my family know nothing about.

The posters who think it is fair, did you bother to read the post where the OP said the family are not hard up?

MN is such a strange place. On the one hand you have people saying others are mean for not spending thousands on their DC for b/days or Christmas, the next they think a necessary surgical procedure is fine for a gift. One minute 18 year olds are children, the next a 15 year old is almost an adult.

Ouch, I'd think it a bit miserly to be honest, certainly wouldn't leave DD without anything to open on her birthday myself, even if it meant just nipping to the shop and getting a few v small bits for her to open.

But then, no one can be certain they're not having a tough time financially speaking. During the past few years things have been arse end upwards financially for a lot of us.

Still would struggle to get past the guilt of my daughter waking to no gifts on her birthday

The posters who think it is fair, did you bother to read the post where the OP said the family are not hard up?

Yes, I did read it. Did you read the posts by others who have pointed out that the op cannot be certain that they are not hard up? She doesn’t know their exact financial circumstances and their outgoings/commitments etc. They may appear to be financially ok but in reality they may be utterly stretched and this 600 quid have been the last straw, the extent of their financial cushion and they chose to spend it on their daughter’s health needs.