To not quite understand this dig at me

[Zaplollies]

It might not even have been a dig but,

My partner had a new female colleague at work who he got on with, he thought I would get on well with her too as we share a hobby and he suggested the 3 of us meet up outside of work, which I said I would be happy to do.

She got promoted and moved to another dept so he doesn’t work with her anymore but kept in touch a bit via text.

It never seemed to happen as apparently she would take days to reply, but he mentioned I would be coming and she asked when was best for me etc.

Anyway still didn’t seem to get planned. He went out with different colleagues to a restaurant and bumped into her and her friends, apparently she seemed drunk.

He said that he said to her “We should get that meet-up sorted soon”, and apparently she replied, “Oh and that will be alright with Zap will it?” In a sort of sneery way, and smirked.

I felt a bit hurt when he told me that, it seemed like a dig at me but I’ve never met the girl apart from saying hello once. It’s great that he wanted to invite me, he often invites me to stuff like that, I told him that he didn’t have to but I do appreciate it.

I’m probably overthinking

Sounds like she thinks he is under the thumb. Maybe she wanted to meet him socially and he made a point of ensuring you were included.

He needs to stop bothering her.

If she wanted to meet up it would've happened by now.

'How would your wife feel about it', definitely sounds to me like her telling him to back off.

Perhaps she's picked up a vibe from him that she hasn't from the other male colleague?

When something is not quite right don't they call it 'mentionitis'

Maybe she wanted to meet him socially and he made a point of ensuring you were included.

Or maybe she's the one who originally made sure the OP was being included.

Then when she moved to another department, breathed a sigh of relief that the situation had gone away (or so she thought).

The situation being that he's so keen to socialise with her I mean.

If she keeps rearranging and taking days to reply, I would think she isn't keen and the dig was actually at him.

Or possibly is a dig at you or nothing meant and just an odd tone. But I think to be honest your DH should drop the arranged meet up. It doesn't sound like it's meant to be.

Why on earth would you be hurt by something someone you don’t know said? It can hardly be a personal insult as she’s never met you.
I think the weirdest thing here is that your partner told you. Sounds like he’s covering his back, or trying to make you feel jealous/uncomfortable.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like this meet up should be pursued.

Apparently she was really keen to meet up with their other male colleague though, so my partner didn’t understand why she was so keen to meet up with the other colleague but not him.

I like some colleagues more that others.

Who gives a shit about your husbands work colleagues? Why did you want to meet her in the first place? It's hardly an old, established uni mate is it?

All sorts of weird. My guess would be this woman hasn't done anything and this all comes from your husbands imagination. Clearly wants to believe she fancies him or something.

And I agree with a poster up thread.. how on earth can we really advise on this third hand something and nothing report?

I'd just tell your husband to stop talking about her and stick to fostering your own friendships

I think she was probably just drunk and being stupid, probably half trying to show off in front of her mates, in a “he wants me” kind of way. What a twat!

I'm with Worra on this.

Tell him to stop trying to arrange to meet up. To be pleasant if he bumps into her at work, but nothing more. If she really wants you all to meet up she can pursue it.

I felt a bit hurt when he told me that, it seemed like a dig at me but I’ve never met the girl apart from saying hello once. It’s great that he wanted to invite me, he often invites me to stuff like that, I told him that he didn’t have to but I do appreciate it.

He has told her you're the domineering type.

To be honest if a male colleague kept trying to arrange meet ups with his wife, I’d think either:
a) she was a bit odd & he was desperate to find her a friend
b) he thought I was desperate for a friend
c) he was desperate to go out but his wife insisted on going everywhere with him
d) they were setting me up for a threesome

Basically I’d change departments asap and delay answering any texts if I felt blocking him altogether would cause problems.

It's odd. Either she's being weird, in which case it's time for him to stop pursuing a meet-up with her, or he's being weird, in which case I'd be keeping an eye on him for other strangeness. I'd wonder why he thought he should tell you this. To make you jealous?

Surely the easy answer is that he should stop trying to meet up with her. If he continues, I'd suspect that he's interested in her, trying to make you/her jealous, or enjoying the drama.

I’m ashamed to say but I’ve read the texts on Facebook and it does seem like she wasn’t keen, first time didn’t reply as at a wedding that weekend, second time couldn’t meet as she was ill, then they almost got somewhere and she just didn’t reply, although she sent a text out of the blue saying she was sad they didn’t work together anymore.
To be fair each time she did ask if I was free too and what was best for me so maybe I did misunderstand

I can't imagine a situation where DH, his work colleague (male or female) and I would meet up outside of work. Why? Just why would this ever be suggested? It's weird sorry OP, but I would be suspicious.

Weird that he’s pushing for a meet up she seems less interested in
Weird he told you she made a dig at you

Somehow it feels like you're not getting the whole story here OP, something a bit fishy about this. Its slightly odd that keeps trying so hard to organise these meet-ups in the first place and doubly odd that he felt the need to share her reaction with you.

Either

a) He's been hassling her for this meet-up, she's trying to back out and is sending him a warning shot that it's a bit inappropriate (which he's apparently failed to read) OR
b) She's been pushing for a meet-up, he's been making clear that you and he come as a package and the barbed comment was her getting pissed off with you having to be roped into the deal.

In either of these scenarios it sounds as if one of them has intentions which are not entirely platonic.

I'd keep a watchful eye on this.

I reckon she's got a thing for your fella!

Sounds like he's been pestering her and she was reminding him you exist so not a dig at you at all. He needs watching.

Has your partner told this woman anything about you? Maybe just in casual conversation? You are controlling/ always has to have a say/ know where he is? Not saying you are controlling but sometimes it may be put across like that.
Perhaps that's what she was getting at, it's whatever he may have told her in the past she is referring to?

The point that would bother me the most is him saying “why does she want to hang out with him and not me.”

It seems possible based on this and him trying so hard to arrange something that he has a little crush on her. Perhaps she’s sensing that, and asked what you thought about it to push him away.

Crushes happen and are sometimes harmless. I’d ask him “why do you care?” If he mentions her hanging out with this other guy again.

I reckon she likes him too, but hasn’t really arranged anything because you are involved.

Did they really just bump into each other or did she know your dh would be out with colleagues without you? Did she hope something may happen? Drink loosens tongues. That’s why the sarcasm about you. She was maybe upset she wasn’t getting anywhere that night and she’s pissed off that he wants you there.