To charge guests to a birthday party

[BirthdayDilema1]

I feel like this would be unreasonable, but wanted opinions.

Its my Mum's big birthday in January and I'd like to invite friends and family to celebrate with her.

Problem is we're not well off and have a lot of big bills at the moment.

So my options are :-

1. Smallish get together at her home and I'm happy to make the food (buffet style nibbles). Not ideal as I think mum could feel overwhelmed with so many people in her home.

1. Have a small get together at a local venue she likes, with a buffet, keep numbers down and I'd put it on my credit card. Happy to do this, but would be stressful both financially and picking who to invite.

1. As per option 2, but invite everyone and ask them to pay for their meals. Either buffet style or option of hot meal of their choice might feel a little less cheeky.

I want to do option 3 to have as many people there as possible, but feel like that would be really cheeky and make me a terrible host!

WIBU to invite people to a party and ask them to pay for their own meals?

What about a church hall/community centre and do the buffet yourself? That would keep costs down. You don’t need to spend a lot on decor - some photos and a few balloons?

Thanks @SometimesMaybe I'll look into the options near her and see if there's anything with a bar otherwise the drinks bill would probably outweigh any savings on food.

You can’t invite people and then charge them. Sorry.

You could do a “bring a plate” if that would work?

What about a potluck party? I've done this before where everyone brings a salad/quiche/pudding to share?

It would be unreasonable yes. But you could say it is a Pot Luck and ask guests to bring some food to share instead of a gift. I have been to parties like that before and it's really successful.

Have you asked your mum what she would like to do?

Yeah that’s not ok. Option two or have it at your home.

Thanks @Redtartanshoes that's what I thought, just couldn't see how we could afford it, but didn't want to not mark her big day. Bring a plates a good idea though, thanks.

Church hall/Community Centre where you could do your own buffet and put BYOB on the invites?

I would much rather celebrate with a loved one and pay for my own meal than miss out or put someone under financial strain. I think you would want to be clear about the set up beforehand though so that guests know what to expect and don't get upset on the day. Maybe a compromise would be to pay for a few rounds or bottles of wine and some nibbles or platters, and say that full meals will be available to purchase from the venue.

@Bluntness100 unfortunately my home's too far away from her and her friends (most elderly).

@tangelablue was hoping to arrange it as a surprise, if I asked her she'd say she's fine, no need for a fuss, but I'm sure would enjoy it!

I think if you're having a celebration, you spend within your means and cover the costs. I would be mortified if a party was held in my honour and the guests were charged to take part.

I would go with option 3 but make it very clear on your invite that everyone will be paying for their own food and drinks .
Dont offer the option of splitting the bill evenly between you all as there is always the he had a king prawn starter t-bone and 6 pints and I had a wafer and lettuce leaf, its not fair

Proving the place you would like to go is not really expensive perhaps get everyone a drink on their arrival or a couple of bottles of wine to go with the meal .

Anyone that likes your mum will be happy to pay for their meal , anyone else are just looking for a free meal.

I realise there may be some people on a very tight budget that cant go and if you think they are genuine and would like to see your mum , invite them round a week or so before / after for afternoon tea kind of gathering

If it were on my behalf I'd much rather tea and biscuits for my guests than charge them!

Is your home bigger?
Organise a meal, everyone pays for their own food.

@PinkPomeranian I am glad I am not the only one that think that

[quote BirthdayDilema1]@Bluntness100 unfortunately my home's too far away from her and her friends (most elderly).

@tangelablue was hoping to arrange it as a surprise, if I asked her she'd say she's fine, no need for a fuss, but I'm sure would enjoy it![/quote]
I’m sure she would but if you can’t afford it it’s really better not to offer it.

ITs like offering her an all expensive paid trip to the Caribbean, sur she’d enjoy it, but If you can’t afford it, it’s best not to offer it up if you neeed others to pay for it.

I think a hall or community centre is a great idea and you keep the costs down you can tell guests to bring a bottle or two of what they drink. Then you've just got food and soft drinks to pay for.

Thanks all some really good ideas and confirmed what I was thinking, that some might be OK with it, but most not.

Yes, I would have been upfront on the invites, just wasn't 100% whether it was my pride making me feel it was a bad idea or being unreasonable!

In our family/friendship group if we are eating out at a restuarant for a celebration everyone pays for themselves. Weddings excluded.

If its at a club, rented hall the host does a buffet everyone brings their own drink or there is a bar people buy there own drink.

It seems to be standard around our area for people to do the same.

Never been for a meal or party where the host has paid for everyone except weddings.

Not sure how much of a 'party' you're intending, but in my family and social circle no one would bat an eyelid if you said 'I was thinking about us all having dinner at x place for mum's birthday, they do a good set menu / buffet lunch deal / roast dinner for £x per head, I was thinking we could all go and cover the cost of mum's dinner between us, do you fancy it?' could you frame it more as a meal out than as a 'party'?

Alternatively, would your DM want to pay? Both my DGMs arranged and paid for thoer own 90th parties so they could have exactly the do they wanted.

It’s the norm for my family and circle of friends to pay for themselves at a sit down meal birthday party.
I’d probably find it slightly weird at a buffet but would be happy to do so to celebrate with that person.
You just have to be clear from the outset.

What about doing an afternoon tea? You could cater for that relatively cheaply, provide tea and coffee rather than booze? Or maybe a glass of Buck's Fizz on arrival? That way you could make some of the food eg sandwiches, and buy in others relatively cheaply (pork pies, quiche, cakes)

I would go for a bring a bottle party in a village hall, or use a room in a pub with a paid bar. You could still put on nibbles fairly cheaply, as long as everyone knows what to expect its fine. Most parties I've been to, including weddings, have had a pay bar.

@Bluntness100 that's a good analagy, but feels like a now or never opportunity as she's had several health scares in the last few years and the family never seem to get together anymore - all grown up and married, just the odd funeral...

Hall that I can self cater or bring a plate sounds the best option, ideally with a bar...