To charge guests to a birthday party

[BirthdayDilema1]

I feel like this would be unreasonable, but wanted opinions.

Its my Mum's big birthday in January and I'd like to invite friends and family to celebrate with her.

Problem is we're not well off and have a lot of big bills at the moment.

So my options are :-

1. Smallish get together at her home and I'm happy to make the food (buffet style nibbles). Not ideal as I think mum could feel overwhelmed with so many people in her home.

1. Have a small get together at a local venue she likes, with a buffet, keep numbers down and I'd put it on my credit card. Happy to do this, but would be stressful both financially and picking who to invite.

1. As per option 2, but invite everyone and ask them to pay for their meals. Either buffet style or option of hot meal of their choice might feel a little less cheeky.

I want to do option 3 to have as many people there as possible, but feel like that would be really cheeky and make me a terrible host!

WIBU to invite people to a party and ask them to pay for their own meals?

If you are worried about booze just make it BYOB or go to a local rugby, cricket or bowling club - they often have a bar mostly will let you bring in your own buffet? They might not even charge you room hire if your guests Zoe d enough at the bar.

Zoe = spend

Hire a village hall, bring in booze, and order pizzas / make some buffet. You could even get a family member to he a dj and have a bit of a dancefloor.

You've got to take into consideration people may be skint in January and may not be able to afford it

I definitely think hiring a hall and doing the food yourself with bring a bottle on the invite is the best way to go.
Do you have other family members you could share the buffet making/buying with?

I'm going to a christening this weekend and it's a bring and share one, both food and drinks. Everyone is happy with it as far as I know and we have a private Facebook group to say what you are bringing so you don't have too much of the same things.

I would do an option 4, enjoy special time with you and your Mam and do something together to mark her special birthday or....
Ask your Mam what she wants to do.

In my family it would totally depend on the wording of the invite. "You're invited to Mum's 70th birthday party at X venue" versus "We're thinking of going out for a meal to celebrate mum's 70th if you fancy joining us?"
We've been for many family birthday meals and always paid for ourselves so it doesn't seem at all unusual to me. The only exception was a 50th with a hired hall and buffet, rather than restaurant.

I’m not sure about asking them to pay, if they are a load of pensioners they might not have much to spare. I this whichever option is within your means, I’m sure your mum wouldn’t want you stressed or in debt over this.

Message received, thanks, will go to original venue I was thinking of (club) and ask off they'd be happy for me to self cater - closest family and friends would probably offer to bring a plate, which I'll graciously accept.

They usually do free room hire and make money on the bar and food (buffets or hot meals at under £10 for a main) so I'd offer to pay for the room to balance the food.

If they say no I'll look for somewhere else within budget.

Thanks for all the advice, was tending towards a big credit card bill, but knew that wasn't really the answer.

Special thanks to those kind souls who said they wouldn't mind.

It's not ok to charge guests to s a party but it's not unusual imho to arrange a meal and people pay for themselves. In my family the person who invited everyone would generally pay but in my friendship groups and in DH family everyone pays for themselves.

So I agree with PP that if you frame it as a meal rather than a party then that would be ok but make it known it's not paid for.

I'd go for Option 2. However, if your Mum is likely to feel overwhelmed by lots of people in her house, would she really enjoy to have a big fuss made of her, either at home or elsewhere? Genuine question, parties can be tiring.

@pasturesgreen she's definitely getting a lower tolerance for these things as she gets older. No longer volunteers to take a turn at hosting Xmas, etc, even though our immediate family is tiny.

The place I was thinking of is somewhere she regularly socialises and is use to being busy so she's comfortable there (although maybe not be in a few years), plus she can leave when she's tired without worrying about asking guests to leave and wouldn't have to worry about tidying up (not that we'd let her, but it would be on her mind). So, much less stressful for her than at home.

Sorry, not ignoring those of you saying going out for a meal would be better - in our family everyone would be fighting to pay the bill, which wouldn't be right and costs would be much higher so had counted that out.

A church hall or similar sounds ideal, where you can cater and ask people to bring dishes too.

Yes my family would do that too OP

Hire a cheap place, do your own buffet, cake, drinks etc.

Hopefully you have siblings who will share the cost?

Don’t put things relating to the party on your credit card if you don’t pay your bill off every month in full, I’m sure your Mum wouldn’t want you to go into debt for her.

@SometimesMaybe

What about a church hall/community centre and do the buffet yourself? That would keep costs down. You don’t need to spend a lot on decor - some photos and a few balloons?

I was going to suggest that.

We did something similar (not the same happy situation) as a 'farewell' to my late Dad. Hired a hall and asked people to bring food/drink to share. We linked up a projector with slides & music, and it was actually a really nice event.
We couldn't have afforded a hotel/buffet which would have been the alternative.

If money is an issue then I don’t really think that a place with a pay at would be a good idea.

Church hall or similar with
Buffet supplied by your- ham, cheeses, posh ploughman’s? Big massive chilli WhT jacket potatoes, salsa, guacamole etc?
Buy a barrel of beer and enough Prosecco for everyone to have at least one glass. (5 flutes in a bottle to give a rough idea) and tell your guests what you’ll supply but when it’s gone it’s gone.

Loads of fairy lights and white paper decs and paper lanterns. Could be really lovely.

*Pay bar

Hi OP

An alternative if your family arent big drinkers is hire a space and do afternoon tea. Ask various people to bring different cakes and you can make sandwiches in advance. Have tea coffee and a bit of prosecco or something.

Could you do an afternoon tea at a village hall? Much cheaper and easier time of day. Or a sandwich lunch even?? Those can easily be prepared at home.

Another thing you can do is do a drop in style of birthday and let visitors to her home come and go throughout the day. Maybe put an invite out saying it's mums birthday and she'd love to see you all to celebrate. Pop in anytime between 12 and 6 for cake and a natter. That way she can actually speak to people without being overwhelmed and also feel special. You can then put sandwiches, cake and light nibbles out and your mum can enjoy her day without getting too exhausted.

I understand your dilemma - I've the same with my mum this year and we live ages away so we're having a drop in day for family and friends and taking her for a very posh brunch the following day.

I don't know what kind of people are on this website op but in the real world we always go to a pub or something for birthdays and everyone buys their own meal. Why is that bad?
If you're lucky someone brings a cake and candles... we never did this though

As the mother who could be in this situation (not sure what the big birthday is?). I would be mortified if my daughter either asked guests to pay or took on debt to provide a party for me.

What does your mother want? If my dd organised something similar I'd giver the money for it.

I like the idea of an afternoon tea - if you got good bakers to bring a cake, others to bring sandwiches and then if anyone else asked what they could bring you could suggest a bottle of prosecco? If it's an afternoon thing people won't want to drink as much and there won't be the same cost involved.

Does depend how much you were looking to spend though.

I think it's that or a potluck with bring your own booze.