To charge guests to a birthday party

[BirthdayDilema1]

I feel like this would be unreasonable, but wanted opinions.

Its my Mum's big birthday in January and I'd like to invite friends and family to celebrate with her.

Problem is we're not well off and have a lot of big bills at the moment.

So my options are :-

1. Smallish get together at her home and I'm happy to make the food (buffet style nibbles). Not ideal as I think mum could feel overwhelmed with so many people in her home.

1. Have a small get together at a local venue she likes, with a buffet, keep numbers down and I'd put it on my credit card. Happy to do this, but would be stressful both financially and picking who to invite.

1. As per option 2, but invite everyone and ask them to pay for their meals. Either buffet style or option of hot meal of their choice might feel a little less cheeky.

I want to do option 3 to have as many people there as possible, but feel like that would be really cheeky and make me a terrible host!

WIBU to invite people to a party and ask them to pay for their own meals?

In January if you decide to go for option 3 don’t be surprised if a lot of people decline. Most people are skint in January. I personally would ask people to bring one buffet option if money is tight. Be honest with them as most people can then buy what they can afford. If you go out for a meal it becomes very expensive.

I did afternoon tea for my 0 birthday. Everyone came and paid for them self. Could you do that?

A few pubs near where I live do a free buffet as long as you invite 50guests as they make the money on drink. I’d have a look around to see if pubs near by may do this.

Or you could just tell everyone to pop in the local pub between 2-5 for a drink most people will naturally buy themselves a drink, people can stay for half an hour or the full time up to them.

I have never been to a birthday meal where the host has paid for all the meals.

A potluck style in a church hall would be nice.

We did the last option as a family.... but everyone was told before..you order and pay for what you eat and drink. The pub let us bring a cake which we used as a desert. No complaints as everyone knew before hand. Ask your mother want she like

Wouldn't bother me to pay for a meal myself. You could say "I'm circulating the menu and price list for you to look at". Otherwise you could offer to pay for drinks or a bottles of wine on the table

Pot luck party is the wat to go in a village hall

Or

A meal in a local pub. And when you invite them. Say there is a set menu at £x. That's fine.

We had just such a dilemma in our family. First, my SIL sent out invitations inviting people and telling people how much the event cost. Then people started calling her up and yelling at her for being tacky. Then she and her siblings were humiliated, so they sent out invitations inviting everyone for free. The cost of this event became absolutely astronomical, as SIL now felt desire to compensate by expensive decorations, fine wines, etc. plus transportation and many other extras. Since we were broke at the time, I was very unhappy. I would vote for pot luck in church hall. They are so jolly and humane.

Even if it’s a surprise party I’d give your mum a heads up about it. She might want to prepare herself, get a new outfit and hair cut etc, you might also want to check up that you are inviting the right people, your mum might also have strong opinions as whether to ask people to pay or not and it’s her friendship group it would impact.

How much would option 2 cost and are there
any other venues in the area that do buffets?
I think option 1 is a no no as you’ll be using your DM’s house.
Option 3 could work if there aren’t too many people going and you word the invite as a birthday meal. Meals when there are really big groups don’t work well as people want to mingle.