Aibu to think that a lot of kids are extremely anxious after lockdown?

[MrsHookey]

I've got one child who seems extremely anxious since lockdown. Anecdotally it seems like a few kids I know are like this. Is this a wider thing? Are mumsnetters finding their children have become anxious since March 2020?

Referring a 2yo to SALT is not unusual at all. Do people just post without a having a clue what they’re going on about ?

Some children deemed worthy of socialisation and adequate education, others not.

In most cases it was nothing to do with whether a child was deemed worthy or not.
It was mainly down to if a kid's parent had a specific job.

Then there were some cases made for children who weee deemed more vulnerable due ti SEND.

Few children were able to go in just because the school deemed them worthy of it in my experience.

As for a different it better education.- in many schools, if following the government guidance, those children in school were there for childcare rather than being taught. Many received the same lessons as those doing home learning.

@Abraxan

Some children deemed worthy of socialisation and adequate education, others not.

In most cases it was nothing to do with whether a child was deemed worthy or not.
It was mainly down to if a kid's parent had a specific job.

Then there were some cases made for children who weee deemed more vulnerable due ti SEND.

Few children were able to go in just because the school deemed them worthy of it in my experience.

As for a different it better education.- in many schools, if following the government guidance, those children in school were there for childcare rather than being taught. Many received the same lessons as those doing home learning.

The fact that it was mostly based on an arbitrary list of parental jobs doesn't negate the fact that some children were considered worthy and others not. This is simply what happened.

The quality of education being provided to the at home group was variable, not helped of course by the fact that schools were having to provide it to children at home and in class simultaneously. An impossible task, so not a surprise that many did it so badly. What my own DC got was completely inadequate, meanwhile the children who were allowed in school benefitted from smaller ratios than usual. And there's no getting round the fact that the kids in school were the ones not being denied proper socialisation. It was awful.

@Abraxan

Some children deemed worthy of socialisation and adequate education, others not.

In most cases it was nothing to do with whether a child was deemed worthy or not.
It was mainly down to if a kid's parent had a specific job.

Then there were some cases made for children who weee deemed more vulnerable due ti SEND.

Few children were able to go in just because the school deemed them worthy of it in my experience.

As for a different it better education.- in many schools, if following the government guidance, those children in school were there for childcare rather than being taught. Many received the same lessons as those doing home learning.

The key missing part was socialisation.

We were lucky (well as you can be in a bad situation) that online for both home and school but other posts indicated the skew wasn’t as fair to home. I really felt for them. Missing friends was bad enough.

Nothing to do with worthiness of children
And everything to do with worthiness of parent’s job.

What pissed me off was that the insistence that children with an EHCP could attend school during both school closures ,that didn't happen in special school where every single child had an EHCP , and every child is vulnerable ,my son's special school closed for both lock downs .

@Oftenithinkaboutit

Nothing to do with worthiness of children And everything to do with worthiness of parent’s job.

'Worthiness'. But it is a fact that some children were considered worthy of school and others not. You do not remotely negate this by pointing out that the assessment of children's worthiness was made based on parents jobs in the majority of cases.

@x2boys

What pissed me off was that the insistence that children with an EHCP could attend school during both school closures ,that didn't happen in special school where every single child had an EHCP , and every child is vulnerable ,my son's special school closed for both lock downs .

Same with the one DN goes to. She has an EHCP too.

The idea that home or school were equitable is crazy considering the reaction of parents to get their dc into school

KW places rocketed because everyone knew how hard home learning was on their dc.

@MarshaBradyo

The idea that home or school were equitable is crazy considering the reaction of parents to get their dc into school

KW places rocketed because everyone knew how hard home learning was on their dc.

Yep. It's laughably disingenuous to pretend otherwise. The state saw fit to provide much better for some children than others.

So what's the best plan going forward to support our kids?

* You do not remotely negate this by pointing out that the assessment of children's worthiness was made based on parents jobs in the majority of cases.*

Sure I don’t

I got CBT workbooks for kids and kept gently pushing my dd to attend clubs I knew she had loved before lockdown. We moved forward slowly. She enjoyed everything once she could get over the fear of going in, but it took a long time, and the club staff working with us for the initial distress to stop. We were lucky she never had distress at school drop-off.

We now have worked on drop off parties and drop off play dates. She won’t always go alone but is managing some with people she knows well.

The emotional regulation I’m realising we still need to work on and maybe need a plan for. This thread has made me realise how much in kids lives is still quite weird. Thank you for posting.

This book is good for guiding children through understanding and dealing with emotions www.amazon.co.uk/My-Hidden-Chimp-author-Paradox/dp/1787413713?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@Oftenithinkaboutit

* You do not remotely negate this by pointing out that the assessment of children's worthiness was made based on parents jobs in the majority of cases.*

Sure I don’t

Correct. You surely don't.

@noblegiraffe

This book is good for guiding children through understanding and dealing with emotions ]]

Superb book

Actually, my comment that younger children were less bothered than teenagers about lockdowns was wrong. I think that was just my anecdotal observations from friends and family, but obviously this will differ wildly across the board, depending on personality, family situation etc.

I had zero problems breaking totally random/unscientific rules during lockdowns. I knew it made no sense at all that I couldn't take my kids to a beach, because it was outside my permitted travel limits. Such rubbish. I also brushed off dirty looks from shoppers in supermarkets because I had my kids with me, as if they were super-spreaders about to contaminate them.

I also acknowledge that I was privileged to have the time to do any of this, as all my work stopped, so I didn't have a full-time job to attend to. That made a massive difference.

I think going forward, we are all going to have to make decisions based on our own family needs and listen less to sweeping public health decisions made, often with little thought into their long-term consequences.

[quote noblegiraffe]This book is good for guiding children through understanding and dealing with emotions www.amazon.co.uk/My-Hidden-Chimp-author-Paradox/dp/1787413713?tag=mumsnetforu03-21[/quote]
Funnily enough, I've got that book!

@MrsHookey

So what's the best plan going forward to support our kids?

A few thoughts, mainly aimed at secondary school children:

• as a poster above mentioned, getting the basics right: enough sleep, nourishing food, time outside, exercise/movement, time to talk, genuine listening

• activities in which they can get absorbed and experience flow: this will be different for different individuals, but might be photography, reading, sport, craft - something which allows them to get away from the internal monologue because they are concentrating on what they are doing

• caring for others: volunteering with an organisation, looking after animals, supporting a charity - something where they are making a positive, concrete difference to someone's experience or the world, and can see they are doing so

• support to develop resilience - not in a glib "children are resilient!" way, but a set of skills and strategies which will help them through life. There's a book by Nicola Morgan which looks really good on this: www.nicolamorgan.com/product/be-resilient/

• opportunities for unpressured, but possibly slightly structured, play and time with peer groups (e.g. board games, organisations such as Girlguiding, Scouting, the Woodcraft Folk etc), as well as workshops and events

My 16 yr old dd is severely depressed and has gradually realised most of her friends are too.

Here is the info about the book mentioned above (published in July 2021):

"Some events in life will always be out of our control, whether it’s a global crisis or a traumatic event at home – but Be Resilient, the latest book from teenage brain expert Nicola Morgan shows that the power to cope is in our hands.

Here are the building blocks for a strong mind:

1. YOUR SUPPORT – know who’s on your team and grow strong friendships
2. YOUR SKILLS – knowledge, abilities and personal strengths build your confidence
3. YOUR COPING STRATEGIES – when times are tough, the right actions and words matter
4. YOUR COURAGE – learn how to practise bravery, dealing with fears and growing optimism
5. YOUR FUTURE – create your best future by knowing yourself and making good choices for you"

@blue12345

Actually, my comment that younger children were less bothered than teenagers about lockdowns was wrong. I think that was just my anecdotal observations from friends and family, but obviously this will differ wildly across the board, depending on personality, family situation etc.

I had zero problems breaking totally random/unscientific rules during lockdowns. I knew it made no sense at all that I couldn't take my kids to a beach, because it was outside my permitted travel limits. Such rubbish. I also brushed off dirty looks from shoppers in supermarkets because I had my kids with me, as if they were super-spreaders about to contaminate them.

I also acknowledge that I was privileged to have the time to do any of this, as all my work stopped, so I didn't have a full-time job to attend to. That made a massive difference.

I think going forward, we are all going to have to make decisions based on our own family needs and listen less to sweeping public health decisions made, often with little thought into their long-term consequences.

Agree with your last paragraph, though of course there are always going to be people who will have to or feel they have to adhere to every rule, however idiotic.

I think going forward, we are all going to have to make decisions based on our own family needs and listen less to sweeping public health decisions made, often with little thought into their long-term consequences.

I’d welcome this although as schools closed we had no choice unfortunately