To wonder why parents lie on social media?

[saveusernamee]

It’s rife, maybe I live/have lived under a rock.

Only recently noticing however that all these cutesy pictures of babies and children and cute captions, having me looking at them thinking how have I lucked out so badly with how difficult I find child rearing?

Then you message them privately and it all pours out, all the same crap you’re going through. Why not say ‘this was the only time my child smiled today so I took a picture’ why say ‘the bestest, most magical day with my precious little smiler’ ?

Every time I post something realistic literally nobody, or maybe an adorning aunt/grand parent engages with it but you post a photo of essentially a lie and everyone and their dog engages. Why?

This is the essence of social media. People only ever share the good bits, and it's not just parents that do this.

Because social media is one giant lie so people can make out they're perfect with perfect life's.
I deleted Facebook a long time ago. Happier for it.

^ what @MangoM said

That’s what I’ve been surprised at though.. not only do people post just the good bits but people only seem to engage with the good bits too.

It’s people saying I only want to show one fraction of a second of my life and I’m only interested in seeing a fraction of yours. Everything else that actually requires support/empathy can do one.

Social media is kind of supposed to be the good stuff, isn't it?
I would never post a photo of my child distressed, ill or having a tantrum

It’s just about sharing happy memories with friends and family though isn’t it? If people post loads of bad stuff I think it can come across as ‘woe is me’ and a bit attention seeking. People haven’t met up as much because of COVID so I wonder if they are making up for it through social media.

Support and empathy is something you get from people in real life though, in person or privately. Not something that happens in public, online.
If I need support or empathy I'd call my friends or family, or visit them - not put a photo on instagram.

Well I think you're being naive if you honestly think people wouldn't/shouldn't post the best bits of the day. I don't think people want to see the bad bits anyway. They're not actually lying are they? There will be some parts of a day/weekend/holiday that were amazing and they are posting the good stuff. That's the whole point. It's not supposed to be a competitive moan about how awful everything is.

Yeah definitely, I know Facebook/Instagram isn’t known as an empathy machine.

But that doesn’t really explain why things are framed the way they are. Like the OP ‘the first time they smiled today’ is realistic and not sharing a video of a tantrum. Saying it’s the bestest, cutest, most special day with my smiler blah is untrue or at least sugar coating a raisin to make it seem great.

How is ‘first time they smiled today’ a competitive moan😂

Because people want to share moments of joy and make their fun times public, but don't want to plaster their relationship issues/parenting woes/stress to the world. Surely it's the same as inviting 100 people to your wedding but just asking your closest friend to come over and drink wine when you've been dumped /sacked or are feeling down. It's a socia phenomenon, not a social media one.

I think it's a bit like an old school photo album isn't it? When I look through albums of my childhood every picture is smiling, in a school play, on a big day out or holiday etc. There's no photos of me crying, having a tantrum, or sitting watching the TV but I guarantee I spent more time doing that than I did smiling at the seaside.

I came off social media a few years ago.
It was making dislike people who, in real life, I get along with famously. The worst ones for me are the gushing love letters to their partners, who they then spend the next evening slagging off and telling you they’ve barely spoken for 6 months.
I’m much happier for only having real life interactions with friends and family.
It feels much more sincere.

I have a friend who portrayed the most amazing life for her and her kids in her photos at a time when their life was actually going really really badly. I remember reading all the fb friends' comments who were saying things like, "your kids have the best childhood!" etc. It was bizarre as they had just become homeless, lost their Dad and were struggling with all kinds of health/ mental health issues. It was probably a way of carrying on as normal, or a way of coping. Don't believe what you read on Facebook!

I think it's just the nature of SM. I am not a massive fan of SM generally anyway and I rarely post. But, I don't think it's all that different to my parents' generation putting up the nicest photos in frames. Nobody puts up that one where they have 25 extra chins or their teenager is pulling a face or the toddlers are pulling each other's hair.

People engage with positive posts more than negative ones because it's easier.

If you tell someone good news it's easy to be happy/say congratulations etc.

You tell someone you're struggling or suffering with something or your mum's just died people don't know where to look or what to say. They're awkward and uncomfortable. Easier to just ignore.

I tend to assume that most people are going through the typical ups and downs of life, they just don't document everything on social media. I wouldn't bat an eyelid that someone shared a nice moment with a baby but when I spoke to them their baby was being a typical baby. Anyone who sees a few nice baby photos and thinks that means someone is claiming they're living I'm a blissful baby bubble is foolish in my opinion

I'd be more eye rolly about couples who post gushing comments to each other, but in private it's known the relationship is a mess.

How can a picture of a child smiling be a lie? That other less positive things are going on at times doesn’t invalidate the good things. What a weird way of looking at life.

I don’t post about my child on social media at all but I like to see my friends sharing nice pictures or events. One person I know posts pix of her DD looking miserable quite often with rants about how hard her life is. I know the DD very well as I’m close friends with her dad, they’re divorced and he does way more parenting than her. She’s deliberately posting a negative slant and claiming she has it hard on the little time she chooses to have with her child. No one wants to see unhappy stuff on Facebook, that’s a proper downer. And I’m pretty sick of competitive parenting of the moany sort too. No one made you have kids and it helps no one to whinge and moan in public on the internet.

I don’t expect people to run and get the camera for a photo shoot as their toddler pokes their babies eyes out, I’m just talking about how things are framed.

Oh god very very calm now that sounds like an extreme example but yeah.. that sort of thing.

So if someone posts a happy photo, of their kid smiling or whatever, are you private messaging people telling them how miserable your kids are? You said the messages come back with "all the same crap you're going through". I'd be mortified if I posted a happy family moment and someone messaged me privately to tell me their life wasn't like that.

I don't see anything wrong with social media being a highlights reel. I tend to know what's going on behind closed doors with my nearest and dearest.

It's really not on to share photos and videos of kids having tantrums. That's a real invasion of their vulnerable moments.

Do you have anyone IRL you can lean on if you're struggling?

See all my friends on facebook post fairly honest stuff and very few post shit about how perfect their lives are or how they're #blessed, mostly because I have a zero tolerance policy for the latter, but also because I only have people who have a sense of humour and no problem with posting the shit and making a joke about their lives.

That's not to say I think people should, or do, post indiscriminately with photos of sick / unhappy children, but they might post something along the lines of "after a rubbish week, it's great to see X smiling again" or similar.

Mind you, most of my friends on there are horse people and they also think nothing of posting photos of themselves being decked into the mud and loaded into a ambulance after. I'm not sure they're normal

Would you put up a photo of yourself looking your best, or one where you look grumpy and have a double chin?

It is natural to present your best face to the world, and that applies to our children too.

To make themselves feel better.

I assume mostly everything on social media is exaggerated bollocks, and just focus on the cat pics.