To wonder why parents lie on social media?

[saveusernamee]

It’s rife, maybe I live/have lived under a rock.

Only recently noticing however that all these cutesy pictures of babies and children and cute captions, having me looking at them thinking how have I lucked out so badly with how difficult I find child rearing?

Then you message them privately and it all pours out, all the same crap you’re going through. Why not say ‘this was the only time my child smiled today so I took a picture’ why say ‘the bestest, most magical day with my precious little smiler’ ?

Every time I post something realistic literally nobody, or maybe an adorning aunt/grand parent engages with it but you post a photo of essentially a lie and everyone and their dog engages. Why?

@NuffSaidSam

People engage with positive posts more than negative ones because it's easier.

If you tell someone good news it's easy to be happy/say congratulations etc.

You tell someone you're struggling or suffering with something or your mum's just died people don't know where to look or what to say. They're awkward and uncomfortable. Easier to just ignore.

Agree it’s much easier to click a single like or one off comment - rather than enter into a much longer dialogue and offer support which is necessary if someone is in distress but quite inappropriate in a public forum.

I also agree that when you took
photos and show photos from your holiday, back in the day, you didn’t snap you all hanging around the luggage carousel bored, on the loo with a dodgy tummy, having a rant because you’ve missed the bus, being disappointed at a rubbish restaurant…..you don’t record the crap same as you don’t record scrubbing the mashed banana out of hinges in the high chair or the look on your face being woken at 5am.

It’s good to record the nice bits

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would post photos of their children on social media

Op it sounds like you could do with a good long social media break

Not everyone is lying. Sure its highly unlikely that someone is 100% happy all day every day but doesn't mean they are lying about how they feel their day has gone in general

I'm lucky in that my children are pretty easy, good kids and I do love spending my days with them. However, if I was having a hard time I wouldn't confide in everyone I know, probably one or two people. Some people may be having a tough time but post something nice to remind themselves in a permanent way that it's not all bad

Because people often keep their difficulties private? Because Facebook isn’t a counsellor’s office and all of their contacts are privy to different levels of info? Should they not be allowed to post any social posts except ones which are absolute transparent representations of the truth? I mean, if it was your birthday and you had an argument with your OP before, would you post a photo of you on your night out with a caption about how you may be smiling but inside you are upset? If you think they are fake and liars or this type of thing feels so false that it bothers you, unfollow them or leave Facebook.

I don't think most people intentionally lie. I do think they only show the good bits. I struggled with child rearing too (may have had something to do with the fact that I had 5 kids in 4 years! LOL). It makes you feel like an outlier even before social media putting it in your face all day. Once, while talking to a wise elderly relative about my struggles she said "If any woman tells you that this is the best time in her life then she is a damn liar!" LOL. I don't believe that but I do have to say it made me feel somewhat better at the time.

Whenever I see people constantly writing gushing posts about their husbands/partners (it's usually women who do this), I figure their relationship is on the rocks or a very depressing place for the poster. The few 'glimmers' of niceness they get they plaster all over FB, probably to try and make themselves feel better. Sad, really.

Social media: Editing your photos and your entire life to make it appear the most desirable.

This is why I am not on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc.

No-one likes a whinger.

Also, we filter and post the important stuff, and that stuff is generally positive.

Social media feeds on your feelings of inadequacy, that's why.

Here's everyone else having a better life than you. Here are some ads for things that will give you a better life. We know all about you and what you need to be a fulfilled person (and it's not turning your screen off and having a nice walk in the park, it's much more expensive than that)

See how it works?

Well I've only ever shared the highlights reel of life anyway really- in any form. Why share the crap? I keep bad news on a need to know basis and even if I tell quite a few people, it stays off socials. The only exception was when I wrecked my ankle joint and couldn't walk- easiest way to tell everyone I was out of action, and I still made the tone light so as not to seem moany.

Social media for me is the odd nice update or just nice pictures. To me, it really is a photo album, as Pp have said. Hence why I shared my very low key engagement announcement, last week but didn't share a single picture of the many days I spent signed off work in August, sobbing, having been with GAD and a panic problem. Barely anyone knows.

On the one hand I completely agree, and some people go much more over the too with this then other staging everything in the photo etc or some of the people I know will be wearing the same level of makeup I would wear to a wedding for a daytime selfy.

On the other hand many people use things like Instagram in the same way we used to make photo albums. Some times there would be joke photos but mostly people took them at special occasions or holidays with people posing or being told to smile. It is only because we have access to social media daily that we feel we should be daily sharing what we are up too and most people’s lives are mundane on a day to day basis.

I’m not a fan of fake it to you make it and am generally taking the picture of the giant rat I spotted in the street and getting zero interaction.

With regards to ‘my kid had a tantrum today’ I would find it a bit invasive of their privacy to be sharing a moment like that and not really fair to them.

Me and my friend were talking about this today. Her sister in law posts lovely family nature walks with the kids in matching outfits. When reality is her and her husband have spent the last 6 months fighting and arguing because she slept with the neighbour

Its all fake and if I didn't laugh, I'd be losing my rag with it. I've had men trying to message me then are tagged in their new baby announcements the next day. Its horrific.

I try to be real on facebook (the only social medium I post on apart from this) by sharing the fun and positive things I've done, either alone or with my family, and also sharing some of the mishaps such as when I almost got stuck in a flood or when I fell over in the mud trying to get a decent photo of a local landmark.

It's the same with the people who appear on my newsfeed in between all the adverts in that they mostly post the good things but occasionally also the annoying things.

Is it being whiney to acknowledge the difficulties that lie behind a seemingly happy photo?

There obviously an issue because even on this thread some people say that sharing bad stuff is ‘real’ and other say it’s ‘oversharing’ so we’re not going to please everyone.

About the partner thing, if I’d had an argument with DH before an anniversary meal I’d still post yes of course, I’d say probably ‘anniversary meal’ or something boring like that. I wouldn’t… say how blessed I am to be able to call you my husband and how incredibly lucky I am to share life with you, our beautiful life our beautiful children blah blah
See what I mean?

I generally love being a parent and adore my dcs but have had some v difficult times too. I totally get why not everyone likea to moan and its good to be positive but i feel i can never talk to anyone in rl about how hard I find it sometimes. I think its frowned upon ..

Even during lockdown where I know parents were trying to work.ft and had v young kids to look after, all I heard was how it was great to spend so much time together , I just didn't believe it tbh.. I remember once saying to my neighbour who had a baby same age as mine how wreaked I was and she looked surprised and said hers slept so well, they were so blessed etc etc. Her dh passes later and told me about how they werent getting a wink ( unprompted ).. I don't get it tbh

SM just ain’t for you.

It is what it is.

Save yourself the bother and come off it or restart with an edited list of like minded friends.

Oh mine are usually “it took 25 attempts to get her to smile for this”

“Ignoring me again but having a great time” when she’s got her back turned to the camera.

“The only non-blurry photos I got all day. Does she ever stay still?!”

Always said with some jokey emojis because it’s the bitter sweet truth, my child is having too much of a good time to stop and smile for the camera. No point in sugar coating that online because realistically what child wants to stand posing for the perfect photo for 5 while minutes. I can think of several other things I’d rather do myself.

Yes, it's good to be positive and not to moan all the time but find it strange ( v v much where I am) to never admit to findng it hard at all.. Another example, a friend went on holidays, both dcs got ill, they had to stay in their campervan a lot as it was chicken pox but it was wonderful all the same and her dcs were just happy to look at the stars every night...a 2 and 3 year old....in a confined space , v sick... I said it must have been tough but no, not at all.
Maybe I am just.weak but I would find that v tricky..

I don’t do much in the way of social media. I don’t have many ‘friends’ on there. Even relatives I don’t have as friends.
I do however have lots of very real friends.

I too find it bizzare seeing posts about how much I love my darling other half, they are the best thing since sliced bread etc etc. yet these are the same people who know their oh has been shagging Laura from across the road.
Madness.

if I’d had an argument with DH before an anniversary meal I’d still post yes of course, I’d say probably ‘anniversary meal’ or something boring like that. I wouldn’t… say how blessed I am to be able to call you my husband and how incredibly lucky I am to share life with you, our beautiful life our beautiful children blah blah

Well, that is more a reflection of who you are friends with on SM.
I am not friends with anyone who posts that sort of stuff.
Maybe other posters have also been answering from the same perspective as me.
I see friends post a nice photo of a meal out or a break away from home or day out or a family gathering, and I am pleased to see they have had a nice day. I don't see things like you have quoted there, so haven't been answering from that perspective.
Maybe, if it annoys you, then it is time to have a bit of a 'cull' of who you are friends with on SM ?

@saveusernamee

Is it being whiney to acknowledge the difficulties that lie behind a seemingly happy photo?

There obviously an issue because even on this thread some people say that sharing bad stuff is ‘real’ and other say it’s ‘oversharing’ so we’re not going to please everyone.

About the partner thing, if I’d had an argument with DH before an anniversary meal I’d still post yes of course, I’d say probably ‘anniversary meal’ or something boring like that. I wouldn’t… say how blessed I am to be able to call you my husband and how incredibly lucky I am to share life with you, our beautiful life our beautiful children blah blah
See what I mean?

I wouldn't say it's whiny I'd say it's uninteresting. Why would you even bother just posting 'anniversary meal' or something boring? Why is it yes of course I'd post if you're both sat there with a face like a smacked arse seething with each other? Just don't post.

I like to think in quite honest in my posts. None of this blessed or making memories BS. It's relentless.

Social media is not a true reflection of anyone's life.

Everyone presents a different face on social media. My mum and I are NC. She refuses to speak to me. I've tried every possible approach to get her to engage (she won't speak to me because I don't support her choice of partner, he has a history of sexually abusing his own daughter). She posts all sorts of rubbish on social media about how much she loves her daughter and her grandchildren. In fact, behind the scenes, she hasn't seen her grandchildren in years (her friends all know this and know why) and she ignores any of my attempts to be in touch with her. In the past, there were times when we still talked when she would post all sorts of love and kisses shit all over my Facebook, while literally at the same time, messaging me about what a horrible person I am. People do want to present their best face to others, but some people just literally can't do anything but perform on social media, even when their lives are falling apart behind the scenes.

Chikapu I mean as a caption on a photo of me/the meal or whatever. That is what the poster was saying earlier.

Yeah maybe I need to unfollow or delete, that doesn’t really answer the question as to why some do frame things to make it look or seem different.