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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alternate Xmas with each family, did last year count?

65 replies

whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy · 14/11/2021 20:00

I've name changed because my sister might see this.

We normally alternate at christmas, either my family or husbands family. over the years it has become that our siblings have all aligned so it is a big bash each time.

Last year was my family's turn. At the last-ish minute restrictions changed but we still saw my sister, and other family members didnt come. (I cant remember if my sister was going to host all along)

So this year we think it is husbands family, and so do husbands siblings etc. My family are saying that last year didnt count and they are all doing this year, and we are ruining the system if we dont fall into line with this and we have ruined it now FOREVER.

Before I say any more - i will open it up for views.

so
YANBU - you are right it is your husbands family turn
YABU - you should go to your own family

Before anyone asks, no we wont split up, we have 3 primary kids, for whom christmas is actually designed imo.

OP posts:
sageandbasil · 14/11/2021 20:01

If you only saw your sister and no one else it's your families turn

TheGirlWhoLived · 14/11/2021 20:02

I vote it’s your families turn, last year doesn’t count imo

Scarby9 · 14/11/2021 20:04

We are rerunning what should have happened last year, if Boris hadn't put us all into Tier 4 and a Christmas travel ban at the last minute.
We are mainly doing this because the apartment we booked for Christmas to allow family to stay nearby (while overnight stays in people's houses were banned) was moved from last year to this.

HelloBambinos · 14/11/2021 20:05

I agree it is your husbands family turn this year. If you hadn't seen your sister fair enough but that wasn't the case. Sorry but your family sound a bit dramatic. Ruining Christmas FOREVER!? 😂🤦‍♀️

DeepaBeesKit · 14/11/2021 20:08

It's a really difficult one.

DH and I have avoided this argument. For health reasons we'd had to "cancel" (not see extended family) at Christmas 2019 too. So we and our families have taken the view they've each missed a turn and we are evens.

Dishwashersaurous · 14/11/2021 20:09

Last year didn't count as the restrictions in most of the country meant couldn't see people. So do this year what you were going to do last year

RuggerHug · 14/11/2021 20:10

Husbands family turn. You saw your sister, if no one saw anybody it could be seen the other way but no.

happytoday73 · 14/11/2021 20:12

My DB is running what should gave happened last year... So going to his ILs.

We were not in tier 4 so managed a more normal celebration with limited numbers so have moved our years to accommodate them as too us it's fair enough.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 14/11/2021 20:14

I think that while I understand your families POV, your DH's family didn't spend it eith you either & that aside, when an arrangement involves multiple families on both sides & their partners families etc you just need to go by the year, not by things that made the plans change! Otherwise total chaos ensues!!

I'd tell your family that you hope they have a nice Christmas & that you'll be available for a 'your family' Christmas next year should they wish to do that!

MrzClaus · 14/11/2021 20:16

I think it's your husbands families turn! You did still see your family last year (your sister), albeit not your wider family. So this year, their turn!

NewbieAlert · 14/11/2021 20:16

I think you’re right, in that it’s DH’s turn but I would go to your family as long as it didn’t annoy your DH’s side. Otherwise you potentially won’t have that big family Christmas with them again.

Erictheavocado · 14/11/2021 20:17

I hate this 'their turn' 'our turn' at Christmas. It causes so much stress and upset . I think you should do whatever you and your dh are happy with. Your siblings sound very selfish.

claymodels · 14/11/2021 20:20

Before anyone asks, no we wont split up, we have 3 primary kids, for whom christmas is actually designed imo.

Stay at home with them then. Save the drama.

ShowOfHands · 14/11/2021 20:23

I think it's time to start treating Christmas as a season and see both sets on different days. Two celebrations and you get to see everybody. Is that possible?

And no Christmas isn't designed for children. It's for everybody otherwise you're suggesting that people who are child free or whose children are busy/away shouldn't matter when making plans.

notacooldad · 14/11/2021 20:26

I hate this my turn, your turn malarkey. All it takes is an unexpected event ( like last year or a death right on Christmas) to throw everything out of kilter and someone gets upset and dreams happens.
In your shoes I would start with a new tradition.
We either see the different dudes if the family on dsysvkesfing up to Christmas or have a big party between Christmas and New Year and everyone can come.

Parky04 · 14/11/2021 20:30

This is why we have spent every Christmas day on our own. Can't be arsed with any of that nonsense!

Original poster
whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy · 14/11/2021 20:36

sorry -@ShowOfHands you are right. it would be more precise to say that for us, at this stage in life it is all about the kids, so we wouldnt want to break up our family unit for it.

interesting views so far..

OP posts:
AnnoyedByAlfieBear · 14/11/2021 20:38

We're doing what we should have done last year, so we're seeing DH's family.

CalamariGames · 14/11/2021 20:39

Of my family started with the ruined Christmas forever nonsense I would stay away on principle.

Gizmo98765 · 14/11/2021 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dudsville · 14/11/2021 20:39

Last year didn't chubby, not really, not in the true spirit of how you celebrate, but you might have to make exceptions, so things differently for a time until everyone's caught up and back to normal.

Whistleforthechoir · 14/11/2021 20:43

I agree with PPs. Once children get to an age where they want to be at home to chill with new gifts etc, Christmas day is our little family unit at home, alone.

We're happy to fit into everyone else's plans on any other day, but Christmas day is for the 4 of us at home. Not had any arguments so far.

Whereismumhiding3 · 14/11/2021 20:47

I think you should do what you and DH want

If you feel it's right to go to DHs family then you do that.
They'll miss two years in a row otherwise and last year wasn't their fault/ you saw Dsis anyway from your family. Really no one should be pressurising you. I'd be answering "don't be silly snd turn this into a drama".

Each family will have had to make arrangements and she a pattern to fit into. Lots of people missed out last year the whole year.

Christmas is about the children so do what is best for them.

I couldn't be doing with people making a drama out of things & would be tempted to suggest an extra get together at Easter with my family instead if they felt they'd missed out last year on a full Xmas get together, compromise is possible if your family aren't being unreasonable about it.

ShowOfHands · 14/11/2021 20:53

My DC seem a different breed to the MN norm. My oldest is 14, youngest is 10 and if I suggested spending Christmas without seeing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc, they'd be gutted. Their toys aren't going anywhere. And I know looking back that my Mum's insistence on not seeing grandparents on the day meant that my Grandma had some v lonely Christmases. She said nothing at the time. I inherited her diaries and know that Dec 25th was a v rough day for her and when I was old enough to have her to my house, it was one of the best things to ever happen to her.

It's actually a nice problem to have. Two sets of people love and want to see you. Is there no way you can be honest with both sets and just have two Christmases?

NorthSouthcatlady · 14/11/2021 20:55

Last year doesn’t count