Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When should they ask for second date?

72 replies

Leonardo87 · 14/11/2021 08:35

Hey guys 34/F he is 33/M

I had a good first date with a guy from Hinge Friday night, meant to be a coffee but we ended up drinks and dinner until closing time. He said he would like to do something again and enjoyed the date, He got the bill so I said I would get the next one 😊 and we had a kiss quickly whilst I was waiting on taxi.

He has texted a little yesterday but did not reply to my message last night.

I assume he is speaking to others as that us the nature of online dating.

Usually I find guys are fairly swift at letting you know the next day on way or the other if they want to see you again? AIBU to think he is not interested / looking at better options if he has not let me know by the end of this weekend?

Love x

OP posts:
LawnFever · 14/11/2021 08:37

If you want to to see him again you should suggest another date, you don’t have to wait to be asked.

KilmordenCastle · 14/11/2021 08:38

Why can't you ask for a second date?

lunar1 · 14/11/2021 08:38

Why can't you ask?

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 14/11/2021 08:40

I just always assumed the guy asked the girl - thats the way it has always been for me, they let me know either way if they are keen or not? Mind you I have not had much luck so…. 😂

OP posts:
Wagglerock · 14/11/2021 08:40

Ask him?

What year is it again?

FOJN · 14/11/2021 08:43

I think it's unreasonable for you to wait for him to ask so you can confirm he's keen. Perhaps he'd like to know if you're keen.

Text and suggest a time and place for the next date. If he's says no you can stop wondering if he's into you and move onto the next one.

LawnFever · 14/11/2021 08:44

@Leonardo87

I just always assumed the guy asked the girl - thats the way it has always been for me, they let me know either way if they are keen or not? Mind you I have not had much luck so…. 😂
It’s not just up to him to decide if he’s interested, it’s a joint and equal decision.

Change your thinking on this, be active in the dating world not passively waiting to be ‘picked’ Smile

If you enjoyed his company and want to see him again then suggest another date, it’s that simple.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/11/2021 08:44

You said you'd pay for the next one, then it's normal for you to offer what you're going to do - to avoid the situation where the other person offers expensive restaurant and first night at the theatre when all you can really afford is a hot-dog from the van.

If you'd not offered, he might've asked sooner, but he's probably waiting out of politeness.

HollowTalk · 14/11/2021 08:45

I'd look at what kind of man he was. If he was shy in any way I'd ask him. If he wasn't, I wouldn't.

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 14/11/2021 08:49

He mentioned a few times he struggled with confidence when he was younger and a few years ago he would neverr
Be able to speak with girls and meet them the way he did with me on Hinge - 🥺

OP posts:
rookiemere · 14/11/2021 08:56

I'd disagree about asking him, he should have been in touch by now so I'd not be contacting him.

In answer to your question, DH asked me on a second date at the end of our first date. It was hugely refreshing after dating complicated men - or perhaps men who just weren't that into me - where the texts ( I'm old) would be sporadic and impossible to work out if they actually wanted to go out with me.

When you meet the right person it will be easy, as you'll both want to see each other.

LawnFever · 14/11/2021 09:08

@rookiemere maybe he equally is looking for an uncomplicated woman who just says she’d like to see him again rather than being expected to do all the asking.

That concept goes both ways.

The OP owes him a date cos he picked up the bill, of course she should ask him.

suspiria777 · 14/11/2021 09:21

Agree with the consensus -- ask him.

Waiting to be asked is a fool's game. You get to be an active participant in this.

Branleuse · 14/11/2021 09:23

Just message him. Hey you fancy getting food this weekend and making another date of it

HeyArnoldHey · 14/11/2021 09:28

Ask him - crossing my fingers for you Smile

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 14/11/2021 09:32

Thanks guys - will ask and just message - Hey I owe you a date - maybe Indian at the weekend? Will keep yous posted

OP posts:
1u1a · 14/11/2021 10:02

Call me old fashioned OP, but I would wait for him to text you. I think your instincts are right yes, by the end of today would be reasonable to for him get in touch if he’s interested. But this is MN, so you’ll just get, “Text him yourself....” etc etc.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 14/11/2021 10:04

If you said you would get the next one it's definitely on you to suggest and arrange it.

yogaqueenhood · 14/11/2021 10:06

It's on him. I wouldn't text. When I've been dating (given up now) it was always the guy that text about a second date and it was always very soon after the first date. If he's not planning it then he's not that interested or worried you might meet someone else in the time he spends dithering.

girlmom21 · 14/11/2021 10:10

@yogaqueenhood

It's on him. I wouldn't text. When I've been dating (given up now) it was always the guy that text about a second date and it was always very soon after the first date. If he's not planning it then he's not that interested or worried you might meet someone else in the time he spends dithering.
Maybe that's why you've had to give up. Nobody wants to make all the effort with someone who won't reciprocate.
Itsbeen84yearss · 14/11/2021 10:13

Nah. Men who say they’re not confident with girls want you to do the work usually. Doesn’t end well.
I only ever gave them one chit chat text following a date and then only responded to a date request. Definitely no asking them but I’m old fashioned. You’ve definitely done more than enough to show interest. If he continues to text with no date request he’s ‘benching’ you for a rainy day. I dated a ton before dh and the interested ones always set up a date within 24 hours. My dh used to come to our dates with a plan for our next date and ask me at the beginning.

Itsbeen84yearss · 14/11/2021 10:17

@girlmom21 nope @yogaqueenhood is spot on. It’s like buying a house. When it’s the dream home you don’t wait around for someone else to put an offer in, you get in there straight away. It’s the same when men meet women they like.

girlmom21 · 14/11/2021 10:19

[quote Itsbeen84yearss]**@girlmom21* nope @yogaqueenhood* is spot on. It’s like buying a house. When it’s the dream home you don’t wait around for someone else to put an offer in, you get in there straight away. It’s the same when men meet women they like.[/quote]
Then it should also be the same when women meet men they like.

You generally don't know if someone's right for you after one date - it's not really the same as buying a house.

Itsbeen84yearss · 14/11/2021 10:25

It should be but it isn’t.
You know if you’re attracted and men act fast when they’re attracted. They go slow when you might be ok for something easy at some point

maofteens · 14/11/2021 10:27

I met my husband through a dating agency (online dating not really that common then). I was his first date, and he had a couple others lined up that week, arranged before he even met me. He didn't call for a week! We were engaged six weeks later...
I'd give him a few more days, and if hasn't called, and you don't feel up to calling him, then he just isn't that into you.