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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has come over then gone to the gym

74 replies

chloemori · 13/11/2021 15:51

I haven't seen DP in a few days (we don't live together). This morning my DS had an activity so we were doing that whilst DP was at home not doing much. He came over at 1pm. At 2:30pm he announced he was going to the gym and would be back in a couple of hours. I'm seeing my friend for a few hours later and DP's having his DC extra all day tomorrow so I won't see him then.

Am I being unreasonable here? Surely he should have gone to the gym this morning instead of going during the few hours we have together today. He doesn't see any issue at all and thinks I'm moaning!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 13/11/2021 15:55

He wants to spend time at the gym and not with you. He can't deny it.

vikalpa · 13/11/2021 15:55

This may be poor planning on DPs part - but also if you'd had a chat before hand about your weekend schedules then maybe this could have panned out differently. If it's a one-off I'd let it go, if not then better communication and planning in future.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/11/2021 15:58

Did he know that was the only time he would really spend with you all weekend? If so then yes it's odd that he is choosing to do an activity that he can literally do at any time during those specific hours

SomePosters · 13/11/2021 16:02

Why would you begrudge him going to the gym?

You’ve got a busy life, kids needs to meet, friends to see… why is it a problem for him to do something for himself?

Sirzy · 13/11/2021 16:02

It depends how you had planned the day. It sounds almost as if you expect him to slot in where it suits you, is him going to the gym any more unreasonable than you going out with your friends instead of spending time with him?

slashlover · 13/11/2021 16:03

@StoneofDestiny

He wants to spend time at the gym and not with you. He can't deny it.
OP wants to spend time with her friend and not with him. She can't deny it.
Original poster
chloemori · 13/11/2021 16:05

He knew about my plans this weekend and I knew about his. I think my issue is that he's been at home doing nothing until 1pm, comes over to see me for the afternoon as planned and after being here for only an hour decides to go to the gym!

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 13/11/2021 16:06

Why is he at your house if you aren't there and won't be seeing him tonight (out with your friend)

Is he leaving to go and see his DC?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/11/2021 16:07

YANBU!!
He's obviously not fussed about spending time with you

lockdownalli · 13/11/2021 16:08

Oh sorry, X post. So he came over for an hour instead of the whole afternoon and you won't see him for the rest of the weekend now?

Yes I would be pissed off. It sounds like he got bored of you after an hour and that's your lot.

newmoonrising · 13/11/2021 16:08

Why is him going to the gym bad but its fine for you to see a friend later?

Sirzy · 13/11/2021 16:10

Where you actually doing something while together or just sitting watching tv or something?

Cosyblankets · 13/11/2021 16:10

So he should work round you? It seems it's OK for you to do your thing but not for him to do his

Original poster
chloemori · 13/11/2021 16:12

It's not about 'working around me' or the fact it's the gym. We had planned to spend the whole afternoon together today as that's the only time we could this weekend due to both of us having other plans, and after being here for an hour he has left and gone to the gym.

OP posts:
newmoonrising · 13/11/2021 16:12

Maybe he was bored?

girlmom21 · 13/11/2021 16:14

He came over, was alone and bored and knew you'd start getting ready before long. I'd have gone to the gym too.

Well I'd have more likely have gone out for cake but same difference...

Rainbowheart1 · 13/11/2021 16:15

Maybe he didn’t fancy sitting around the house doing nothing. Or was something planned? If not I don’t see a problem with it, as long as you do things too to keep yourself busy.

Rainbowheart1 · 13/11/2021 16:16

Yes going for cake and going to the gym is the same thing 😂

Original poster
chloemori · 13/11/2021 16:17

I'm not seeing my friend until 8 so we would have had the whole afternoon and part of the evening if he hadn't left after an hour.

He was supposed to come over last night but got back from somewhere a little later than planned so told me last minute he was staying at home. Maybe I'm just really boring 😏

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/11/2021 16:18

Well you can still spend early evening together then, can't you?

If he'd have come over last night he'd have still been on his own for most the day.

newmoonrising · 13/11/2021 16:19

I was seeing dome one a while ago and he got to the place of wanting to be in each others company at his or my house much faster than I did. I wanted to be out doing things and going places together. Maybe its something like that.

Cosyblankets · 13/11/2021 16:19

We're you actually doing anything? Did you have anything planned?

Bellringer · 13/11/2021 16:24

It's done now, but I wouldn't let it be a habit

MsThinksAlot · 13/11/2021 16:29

Sounds more like poor planning with the timing; perhaps he just went when he felt like it and didn't think much about the situation.

But also sounds like someone who isn't really thoughtful and sensitive to your needs.

Benjispruce5 · 13/11/2021 16:39

Sounds like he’s not that interested. Yanbu. Move on.

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