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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has come over then gone to the gym

74 replies

chloemori · 13/11/2021 15:51

I haven't seen DP in a few days (we don't live together). This morning my DS had an activity so we were doing that whilst DP was at home not doing much. He came over at 1pm. At 2:30pm he announced he was going to the gym and would be back in a couple of hours. I'm seeing my friend for a few hours later and DP's having his DC extra all day tomorrow so I won't see him then.

Am I being unreasonable here? Surely he should have gone to the gym this morning instead of going during the few hours we have together today. He doesn't see any issue at all and thinks I'm moaning!

OP posts:
CandidaAlbicans2 · 13/11/2021 16:45

YANBU. You'd both arranged and agreed to see each other this afternoon, so why would he decide that was then the time to bugger off to the gym?! Especially as he could've done it in the morning or evening. I'd feel a bit Confused too OP.

LittleOwl153 · 13/11/2021 16:48

Tbh I'd probably make plans for the late afternoon early evening and tell him not to bother coming back from the gym... but maybe I'm just mean.
Is this usual behaviour or just an off weekend? That would probably determine my answer in reality. But I can see why you are pissed off.

Bellringer · 13/11/2021 16:49

Speak to him?

MostlyHappyMummy · 13/11/2021 16:50

Are you cooking dinner for him?

FlowerArranger · 13/11/2021 16:57

@chloemori

I'm not seeing my friend until 8 so we would have had the whole afternoon and part of the evening if he hadn't left after an hour.

He was supposed to come over last night but got back from somewhere a little later than planned so told me last minute he was staying at home. Maybe I'm just really boring 😏

He isn't fussed about you and you don't sound terribly enthusiastic about the relationship either. The two of you don't seem connected.
HikingforScenery · 13/11/2021 17:01

I’m sorry I agree with those saying he doesn’t sound keen.

Teeturtle · 13/11/2021 17:05

@chloemori

It's not about 'working around me' or the fact it's the gym. We had planned to spend the whole afternoon together today as that's the only time we could this weekend due to both of us having other plans, and after being here for an hour he has left and gone to the gym.
But he is working around you. You have something on in the morning, something in the evening but you object to him having something in the afternoon because he should be fitting in around you…
Nailingnow · 13/11/2021 17:11

OP I think that your DP just didn't think.

No one here knows your relationship or what you are like together. However I have met many men in my life who just wouldn't think about making sure they go to the gym early to maximise your free time together. Don't take peoples more hurtful comments to heart as they don't know your relationship.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 13/11/2021 17:12

What were you doing at your house? Did you have specific plans? Like lunch and then watching a movie or going for a walk or was he just coming to ‘be there’ with nothing actually to do?

RussianSpy101 · 13/11/2021 17:14

He’s an adult and can go to the gym whenever he likes.

houseonthehill · 13/11/2021 17:16

Blimey. Poor bloke.

Benjispruce5 · 13/11/2021 17:22

Why is he a poor bloke? If you were on a date with a guy and he left halfway through to got to the gym, you’d think that was ok?

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 13/11/2021 17:23

Was it a date? Was OPs child there too?

Benjispruce5 · 13/11/2021 17:25

It was a scheduled afternoon together. They don’t live together so a set date to be together.

Benjispruce5 · 13/11/2021 17:25

If you date a women with a child, they’re part of the deal.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 13/11/2021 17:29

@Benjispruce5

If you date a women with a child, they’re part of the deal.
Umm no, not necessarily. I certainly wouldn’t expect to always have a mans child or children there when dating. In fact it would be a deal breaker for me if this was his expectation.
EmeraldShamrock · 13/11/2021 17:29

Yabu.
He probably didn't want to go to the gym earlier.
You're very bossy.

Bookworm20 · 13/11/2021 17:31

So he knew the afternoon was the only time you could see each other this weekend.
Comes over for an hour then just goes to the gym?
Yeah, yanbu.
He could’ve gone to the gym in the morning but instead he’s chosen to go during the only time you have together that day.
Sounds like he’d rather be at the gym than with you. Sorry op.

Viviennemary · 13/11/2021 17:33

Are you still a couple. Is your DS his child. Sounds to me like you are both about to go your separate ways.

IncompleteSenten · 13/11/2021 17:34

Does he have a problem with the fact you have plans with friends? Going to the gym being mardy?

Hont1986 · 13/11/2021 17:35

Did you have any particular plan with him this afternoon? Or was it just hanging around the house doing nothing?

Benjispruce5 · 13/11/2021 17:51

If I had a child and my new partner didn’t want to be around my child ever, he would be gone.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 13/11/2021 17:53

@Benjispruce5

If I had a child and my new partner didn’t want to be around my child ever, he would be gone.
Who said ever?
houseonthehill · 13/11/2021 17:54

@Benjispruce5

Why is he a poor bloke? If you were on a date with a guy and he left halfway through to got to the gym, you’d think that was ok?
Whether I lived with her or not (I do), I wouldn't be at all pissed off by her doing what she felt like at the weekend. Relaxing in the morning, some time with me, nipping out to gym...I mean, getting pissed off about her making choices about how she wants to spend her time would feel weird and controlling.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2021 17:56

Why is he supposed to fit around your plans? Maybe he just wanted a lie-in/have a few hours to chill and sort out chores etc before seeing his kids tomorrow.

Why is it all about your needs?

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