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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I’m not really invited to the work Xmas do?

77 replies

Jinnybean · 13/11/2021 14:58

I’m a support worker, Iv been working at my work for 2 years now. At first I was volunteering and then they begged me to join so I did but as bank staff, as my husband works shifts and with young kids I can’t commit to nights every week day. I do work a lot though and do probably 2/3/4 shifts a week between supported houses and the base.

Work asked me to cover Friday 17th December but I couldn’t as my Dh is on nights.

I found out on Thursday that there is a Christmas party meal thing on the 17th. I only known if it because it was in the staff room and other staff who have been there a few months were talking about it.

I messaged my manager asking if it’s for all staff or just contracted (which btw I think it’s rubbish that I don’t get bonuses etc even though Iv covered loads over covid).

My manager replied that her priority is covering the houses and she already asked me to do it but I couldn’t as my husband was at work. And it’s for all staff.

So I replied that yes he’s on nights but my MIL or daughter could babysit for me. So she replied “ok you’re welcome to come”

I’m not going. I really wanted to but I really feel like I’m not welcome.

I’m guessing they were hoping I could cover so the contracted staff could go and enjoy themselves.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/11/2021 15:02

She said you were welcome to come once you said you could get childcare. So you could have gone. You could still go.

Teeturtle · 13/11/2021 15:03

I would not have had the nerve to turn down a shift because my husband is working and then ask to go to the Christmas do on the same night. 😅

SouthOfFrance · 13/11/2021 15:06

Yeah not sure I'd have done what you've done either But either ways sounds like you are welcome to go.
I have a feeling employer's can be on shaky ground if they treat bank workers the same as full time employees, with regards to bonuses, social events etc so perhaps that has something to do with it

Original poster

Jinnybean · 13/11/2021 15:06

Why not? It wasn’t a normal shift, it was a sleep in until 10 am. My husband is on 6pm-6am that day. I have childcare for the evening. I don’t have childcare overnight.

OP posts:

Mediocrates · 13/11/2021 15:09

I worked as a bank support worker when I was at uni. It was normal for bank staff to be asked to cover the shifts for the Christmas night out, so please don't take it personally because its probably just what they normally do

DeJaDont · 13/11/2021 15:12

It sounds like you work in private children's residential care? If so Tbh the staff politics in this field are TERRIBLE. If you go after refusing a shift it's very likely that you will be offered less shifts in the future so be aware of that. Both of my sisters work in this field and it can be brutal with lies, back stabbing and cunt-fuckery.

CristinaYangismySpiritAnimal · 13/11/2021 15:17

I think turning down a shift for the reason of no childcare and then asking to go on the Christmas night out on the same night is cheeky. If you were a colleague of mine I would judge you for it.

vajingleberry · 13/11/2021 17:13

@CristinaYangismySpiritAnimal

I think turning down a shift for the reason of no childcare and then asking to go on the Christmas night out on the same night is cheeky. If you were a colleague of mine I would judge you for it.

Why would you judge?

OP was asked to cover an overnight shift lasting until 10am.
She couldn't do this as her husband is also working that night.

She cannot do the overnight shift as there is no-one to look after the children overnight.

The Christmas night out is not likely to carry on until 10am the following day and the OP could get a babysitter to look after the children until she got home. What on earth is cheeky about that?

Glad you're not my boss!

vajingleberry · 13/11/2021 17:14

Sorry, meant "colleague" not boss.

Ozanj · 13/11/2021 17:43

I think you’re right that you aren’t invited. Don’t bother going.

drpet49 · 13/11/2021 17:48

No you aren’t invited. But as bank staff I would expect you to be.

JustLyra · 13/11/2021 17:51

Anyone that can’t see the difference between having childcare for a few hours in the evening, but not having it for an overnight shift isn’t particularly bright.

I wouldn’t go. They were clearly hoping to use bank staff to cover the night to allow all contracted staff to go.

Nowomenaroundeh · 13/11/2021 17:53

I don't know why you're offended. If you want to go, go. Don't take this personally, it isn't.

A old friend of mine joined my company once years ago as a temp worker while she was between jobs. One of the purposes of the role was to have someoen cover the office while we were all abroad working at a company event followed by a Christmas party. The boss handled it badly not telling her she was not invited on the trip and I was uncomfortable when she asked me but honest.

She came to work on Monday and demanded a meeting where she read him the riot act saying it was very embarrassing as newer staff members were being added to the trip. He apologised for his clumsiness but explained they were permanent staff and one of her roles was to cover the office for the days it was empty. She told him he should fly her over for the party or at least give her vouchers to compensate her. He (quite annoyed now) said that it would be unusual for a short term temp to be included or get a bonus but he would give it some thought and get back to her.

She returned to her desk and openly sulked for the rest of the week. He gave her nothing and did not extend her contract.

lanthanum · 13/11/2021 17:54

There's a fundamental problem that it is impossible to have a work do to which everyone is invited if there still have to be people at work.
Why were you asked to be the one to work? Maybe they roll a die, maybe it's "most-trusted bank-staffer", maybe it's "person we think is least likely to mind, because they'd rather have the pay". Perhaps they should be open about how they decide.
With you having said you were unavailable, it was perhaps not surprising that they assumed you couldn't make the party either.

FissionMailed · 13/11/2021 17:55

@JustLyra

Anyone that can’t see the difference between having childcare for a few hours in the evening, but not having it for an overnight shift isn’t particularly bright.

I wouldn’t go. They were clearly hoping to use bank staff to cover the night to allow all contracted staff to go.

"Hi can you work 17th?" "No, sorry, husband is working that night"

Manager assumes OP is on childcare duty that night.

Either way, work is work, their not friends or buddies or a team or a family or any other such bollocks. It's a place you go to earn money, fuck them beyond that.
Stay home, have pizza, have wine.

Tal45 · 13/11/2021 18:04

Does she realise that family could baby sit for the evening but they wouldn't be baby sitting all night? She might have misunderstood.

I guess it depends how much you want to go really? If you want to go maybe apologise for not being able to cover the night as you only have a sitter for the evening so she understands the situation. If you want to go then find a way to make it work, no doubt yo udeserve a night out.

tallduckandhandsome · 13/11/2021 18:04

Can’t believe people are telling you you shouldn’t have asked to go to the party if you can’t work that shift

The two are completely unrelated.

OP, go to the party and have a fantastic time! Ignore the manager.

Rainbowunicorn76 · 13/11/2021 18:06

Ideally they wanted you to not go so you could cover the houses and relive the full time members of staff. It isn't personal it's just one of the downsides of being bank rather than a fully fledged staff member.

I can see your logic that you can get a babysitter for a couple of hours but not the whole shift but it's really up to you to decide whether they'll accept your reasoning or hold it against you.

JustLyra · 13/11/2021 18:14

@FissionMailed I was referring to the comments about how her colleagues would think she was a cheeky fucker.

Childcare for a couple of hours is vastly different to a sleep over shift.

DukkaDukka · 13/11/2021 18:27

I’m a nurse, no one gets ‘invited’ a poster gets put on the wall and whoever wants to go sticks their name down and anyone who doesn’t, covers the shift. I’ve never known any different. That includes bank staff.

peachesarenom · 13/11/2021 18:31

Defo go if you think you could have fun, everyone deserves a night out for Christmas x

ThinWomansBrain · 13/11/2021 18:38

when arranging stuff like this, I'm always careful to ensure that part time staff aren't overlooked - I can also understand that if they need 24/7 staffing, they'd ask bank staff to cover first. = and so not invite you initially, then assume that you couldn't make it.

Perfectly reasonable that you could get cover for an evening, but not for an all night sleep over shift.

Line manager has said that you're welcome - go if you want to, I'm sure colleagues will be pleased to see you - and from some of the posts on here, some staff that dread the xmas party and desperate for an excuse to miss it.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/11/2021 18:47

I have a feeling employer's can be on shaky ground if they treat bank workers the same as full time employees, with regards to bonuses, social events etc so perhaps that has something to do with it

If 'bank worker' is a PAYE employee, it's not an issue - technically employer shouldn't invite self emplyed contractors, but HMRC don't have christmas party police - so if you have a staff event and have a small number of contractors, no one is going to notice - but sounds as if OP is an employee anyway.
Not even certain from post whether its an event paid for by the employer anyway.

Mammyloveswine · 13/11/2021 18:51

@Teeturtle

I would not have had the nerve to turn down a shift because my husband is working and then ask to go to the Christmas do on the same night. 😅

Omg this 🤣

HeartvsBrain · 13/11/2021 18:51

Hi OP, I do think that it was initially understandable that they would use bank staff to cover a time when full-time workers are hoping not to be there, and that it didn't click immediately with your manager that you could manage to be out for a few hours on the same evening, as you could get an evening babysitter, but not an all night one. So as your manager presumanly understands now, and if they have the funds to cover bank staff at the party as well, then I would talk to some of your other colleagues if you are friendly with them? If they seem genuinely to think it is fine for you to go, then go, you will have some friendly faces to talk to, but if you get a cool reception from them then I would say don't go. Presumably you wouldn't want to go to a party on your own with no one friendly to spend time with anyway?

If you think that being bank staff for that company is going to be long term, you could suggest to your manager that as you can't cover for the party this year, if she gives you next year's party date as soon as she knows it, you will try to make sure that your husband doesn't work that night so you can cover at work, and then take turns every alternate year, so that you can attend at leadt once every other year.

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