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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m not really invited to the work Xmas do?

77 replies

Jinnybean · 13/11/2021 14:58

I’m a support worker, Iv been working at my work for 2 years now. At first I was volunteering and then they begged me to join so I did but as bank staff, as my husband works shifts and with young kids I can’t commit to nights every week day. I do work a lot though and do probably 2/3/4 shifts a week between supported houses and the base.

Work asked me to cover Friday 17th December but I couldn’t as my Dh is on nights.

I found out on Thursday that there is a Christmas party meal thing on the 17th. I only known if it because it was in the staff room and other staff who have been there a few months were talking about it.

I messaged my manager asking if it’s for all staff or just contracted (which btw I think it’s rubbish that I don’t get bonuses etc even though Iv covered loads over covid).

My manager replied that her priority is covering the houses and she already asked me to do it but I couldn’t as my husband was at work. And it’s for all staff.

So I replied that yes he’s on nights but my MIL or daughter could babysit for me. So she replied “ok you’re welcome to come”

I’m not going. I really wanted to but I really feel like I’m not welcome.

I’m guessing they were hoping I could cover so the contracted staff could go and enjoy themselves.

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 13/11/2021 18:51

How else are they supposed to have a Christmas do? If it's unreasonable for them to ask bank staff to cover the Christmas do then you're basically saying you think it would be unreasonable for them to have any work events. Obviously someone would have to cover?

gofg · 13/11/2021 18:53

Surely the reason you weren't asked is because you had already told them you were unable to work on that same night? You can't expect them to go into the logistics of what time suits you to be out. They've said you can go so I don't see what the fuss is all about!!!

mumtoallbhoys · 13/11/2021 19:02

I'm not sure you can invite non-employees to a Christmas party. Is it paid for? Bank staff are expensive and not employees, employers need to be careful not to blur lines. It isn't personal though.

KaycePollard · 13/11/2021 19:04

I would not have had the nerve to turn down a shift because my husband is working and then ask to go to the Christmas do on the same night.

This. YABU

Viviennemary · 13/11/2021 19:10

I think if you have said you couldn't do the shift then it would be cheeky to go to the Christmas night out.

Beachbreak2411 · 13/11/2021 19:20

Wow you have some neck!! You aren’t staff.. they wanted non staff to work so the proper staff could have their night out.. you e shown your true colours to them I’m afraid.

AutumnLeaves21 · 13/11/2021 19:22

Why?? She’s bank staff, not obligated to work every shift they demand-it’s one of the benefits of working the bank.

ancientgran · 13/11/2021 19:31

It is normal to use bank staff to cover for this sort of thing. They have to staff the home or cover the visits so they can't just close down. The fulltime permanent staff are prioritised. If it's all covered and bank staff want to go that should be fine. It isn't personal.

Bananarama21 · 13/11/2021 19:45

I don't get the angst over work dos at my work there's a sign for 2 different days that people would likely attend they now went with the 4th and you put your name down if your going or not.

MiddleParking · 13/11/2021 19:46

Surely someone has to be working for there to be a Christmas do at all. It makes sense that the bank staff would be asked to. That’s just the nature of it, isn’t it? You get greater flexibility with your shifts, but not all the benefits of being a full time staff member. I’d take that flexibility over the Christmas do!

Jumpingintochristmas · 13/11/2021 19:55

I wouldn’t go considering you literally weren’t invited.

Kite22 · 13/11/2021 21:07

@MiddleParking

Surely someone has to be working for there to be a Christmas do at all. It makes sense that the bank staff would be asked to. That’s just the nature of it, isn’t it? You get greater flexibility with your shifts, but not all the benefits of being a full time staff member. I’d take that flexibility over the Christmas do!
This ^ and similar posts from others. It is the nature of being 'bank' or 'supply' etc.

Ideally they wanted you to not go so you could cover the houses and relive the full time members of staff. It isn't personal it's just one of the downsides of being bank rather than a fully fledged staff member.

etc etc

MrsChuckBass · 14/11/2021 06:20

If I was permanent staff and a permanent colleague couldn't come to the do because there was bank staff to cover, then the bank staff turned up at the work do I'd find it very unusual. You weren't invited

Doomscrolling · 14/11/2021 06:35

You aren’t permanent staff, which was your choice. Of course you aren’t invited to the Christmas party.

DBI78 · 14/11/2021 06:42

I wouldn't take offence, it seems like it's an open invite and understandably it's tricky for manager as most people will prefer to go than work. I would feel cheeky going though if I had turned shift down even though your reasoning of childcare is completely legitimate. Bear in mind some staff will have booked the night off to go. If you really want to go I would say go.

RedHelenB · 14/11/2021 06:43

@Nowomenaroundeh

I don't know why you're offended. If you want to go, go. Don't take this personally, it isn't.

A old friend of mine joined my company once years ago as a temp worker while she was between jobs. One of the purposes of the role was to have someoen cover the office while we were all abroad working at a company event followed by a Christmas party. The boss handled it badly not telling her she was not invited on the trip and I was uncomfortable when she asked me but honest.

She came to work on Monday and demanded a meeting where she read him the riot act saying it was very embarrassing as newer staff members were being added to the trip. He apologised for his clumsiness but explained they were permanent staff and one of her roles was to cover the office for the days it was empty. She told him he should fly her over for the party or at least give her vouchers to compensate her. He (quite annoyed now) said that it would be unusual for a short term temp to be included or get a bonus but he would give it some thought and get back to her.

She returned to her desk and openly sulked for the rest of the week. He gave her nothing and did not extend her contract.

I think she should have been given something for holding the fort while the rest of you were on your jollies. I certainly wouldn't want to temp there.
SexyNeckbeard · 14/11/2021 07:03

@JustLyra

Anyone that can’t see the difference between having childcare for a few hours in the evening, but not having it for an overnight shift isn’t particularly bright.

I wouldn’t go. They were clearly hoping to use bank staff to cover the night to allow all contracted staff to go.

Given that that the overnight shift detail wasn't included in the OP it's not unreasonable she's had the responses she's had.

And isnt that what bank staff are for?

starrynight21 · 14/11/2021 07:16

@MrsChuckBass

If I was permanent staff and a permanent colleague couldn't come to the do because there was bank staff to cover, then the bank staff turned up at the work do I'd find it very unusual. You weren't invited
I'd feel the same. You said you couldn't work on the 17th, but when there is a party planned on 17th you expect to go ? I'd call that cheeky . I know that the hours of the offered shift and the hours of the party were different, but nobody will notice that. They'll just notice that you refused work but accepted the party. Don't go.
StormyTeacups · 14/11/2021 07:22

As bank staff the OP was under no obligation to say yes to the shift. Even if she just didn't fancy it that would be perfectly legitimate. If she were contracted to work that night and blagged her way out of it that would be different.

As a bank worker if she used her in laws for ever extra shift she was asked to do she'd be classed as taking the piss. Babysitting for a few hours for s one off party is totally different

Grapewrath · 14/11/2021 07:31

As bank staff part of your role is to cover permanent staff. I’d imagine they’d assume this would extend to the Xmas party so permanent members of staff can have a night off and some time together. I understand it’s disappointing but it tends to just be how it is when you are bank. As you can’t cover, they’ve said you are welcome. I don’t see an issue with what they’ve done. I totally understand why you’d feel uncomfortable though as you weren’t
actually invited

Whaleandsnail6 · 14/11/2021 07:45

I'm a night nurse. It's hard arranging Christmas nights of as there is always people left out. In the past we have tried to do tea time so people can come before shift if they are working but that didn't suit everyone either.

We don't tend to bother now as one year a staff member complained to management the night that was "voted" as the one most people could do didn't suit them and they had to work. It's just too hard to arrange without leaving people out

There is always someone who will miss out in 24 hour cover roles and we would prioritise permanent staff too... Nothing personal against the bank or agency staff.

Boombastic22 · 14/11/2021 07:56

You’re bank staff not an employee. You don’t have the same status and so I wouldn’t expect you should be invited.

Lulu1919 · 14/11/2021 08:04

Couldn't Mil or Daughter sleep over ?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 14/11/2021 08:06

but they didnt invite you to the party, they are not inclusive, ie not very nice
do you like your colleagues
is it just your boss that is a bitch for not sending you an invite?

tallduckandhandsome · 14/11/2021 08:08

@Boombastic22

You’re bank staff not an employee. You don’t have the same status and so I wouldn’t expect you should be invited.
Status?! It’s a Christmas party but a high society ball.
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