Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

be upset my husband is onlyfans?

80 replies

LauraJaneJones · 12/11/2021 14:49

Just clicked on his email since I was at his desk and I just thought hm, let's click this tab..... only fans password change.

We do not have an open relationship. AIBU to be upset about this? I feel it's like cheating as he's getting private stuff off these women? I am unsure how it works, any insight helpful.

OP posts:
Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 12/11/2021 18:09

While I wouldn't ever pay to see sexual content on there and regard men who do as losers, I don't think it's cheating and the "personal" aspect of it is bollocks really, it's just another avenue for these women to fleece the losers, it's not really any more intimate or personal imho.

Whereis · 12/11/2021 18:13

You need much more info before you make a decision.

Could be entirely innocent content.

Could be “just” porn videos. Your own boundaries will tell you what you’re happy with.

Could also be interaction with porn content creators. As above since your not in an open relationship could cross a boundary for you.

If you can get access do so and see for yourself. If it’s something you’re unhappy with screenshot and send to yourself so you have proof. I’d then confront him and advise you’ve seen the email only - see if he’s honest or otherwise.

Lammysaurus · 12/11/2021 18:15

@PlanDeRaccordement

if he wants to follow chefs and musicians and artists, why do it on an explicetly misogynist platform?

Onlyfans is not a “misogynist” platform. It actually results in the content creators getting fair pay for their work. Monetising videos of anything is almost impossible now on YouTube and YouTube takes most of the money into their corporate pockets. It also has better protections for creators against piracy which Youtube doesn’t have because you can’t download and then share or upload content.

It's a misogynist platform. Do a search and see. You have not at all refuted that despite your best efforts. That does not mean it is not the best available choice for an individual creator, of course, but it's also possible to have standards and not support overt misogyny.
Moonmagic24 · 12/11/2021 18:21

@Tal45

If you have the changed password then you can log in and see what he's been looking at.
Yes, however confirmation email would be sent to partners account!
DickMabutt73962 · 12/11/2021 18:24

People generally see what they look for and listen what they hear for

AdamRyan · 12/11/2021 18:30

I am not sure what peoples home lives are like, if men have to go on this site or others much the same, if it is for porn and sex stuff etc..
Some people get very addicted to these things, easily accessible now, and some maybe have crap sex lives at home, and like the thrill of everything that they can now access.
I think a bigger problem is the men who are porn addicts, fetishists and serially unfaithful with cyber sex workers regardless of the sex they get at home, to be honest

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/11/2021 20:34

@Lammysaurus
It’s not a misogynistic platform at all.
You have no basis for that except for the fact it hosts pornography on it.
But when it comes to which platform gives women control over the porn they create and pays them the most money for their work directly to them...it is by far the best platform compared to all other porn sites.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/11/2021 20:40

@Lammysaurus
OnlyFans is considered an ethical porn site. Because most of the money goes to the sex workers. Because it has stringent protections. Because their material cannot be pirated and sold on by others. Because they don’t have issues with underage sex/rape like pornhub and other porn sites. Etc etc.
happymag.tv/best-ethical-porn-sites/

CommonRoom · 12/11/2021 20:41

@PlanDeRaccordement

Ah yes. Empowerment, control, choicy, choicy. If you earn money from something then it has to be good. Is that your type of argument?

Funny how it's only women with few options who 'choose' to do this though isn't it? Either that, or women who re extremely fragile for various reasons.

CommonRoom · 12/11/2021 20:43

Ethical porn Halloween Hmm

spotcheck · 12/11/2021 20:46

@1forAll74
So .. if people have a crap sex life, they must go on sites like onlyfans?

tarasmalatarocks · 12/11/2021 20:51

Sit him down, say you would like him to log into his only fans account in front of you — his history will be on it I’m sure— if it’s recipes and othercwholesome stuff— all well and good, somehow I would be surprised- !! For me it’s a complete no no

Pyewackect · 12/11/2021 20:54

Funny how it's only women with few options who 'choose' to do this though isn't it? Either that, or women who re extremely fragile for various reasons.

Extremely fragile my arse. The vast majority of women are on OF because they have control over content and presentation and can earn significant amounts of money.

LaBellaTrix · 12/11/2021 20:57

This is news to me, I'd assumed OnlyFans was a subscription porn service. I had no idea there were other creators around. I just read titbits in the paper occasionally where there's reference to a zlist celeb making lots of money out of OnlyFans.

CaMePlaitPas · 12/11/2021 20:58

I'm not a cool girl wife, I'd be furious.

CommonRoom · 12/11/2021 21:01

The vast majority of women are on OF because they have control over content and presentation and can earn significant amounts of money

There we go again. 'Empowerment, Control, choice, earning lots of money'. Bollocks

It's not fine though is it? Why don't you do it OP? Or your daughter? Or niece? Perhaps I should stop being a teacher. I could earn more on OF. I wonder why I don't?

I don't do it because I DO have a choice, and it would make me feel crap.

traka · 12/11/2021 21:03

Reddit is a million times worse than OF

abcdeg · 12/11/2021 21:04

@PlanDeRaccordement

if he wants to follow chefs and musicians and artists, why do it on an explicetly misogynist platform?

Onlyfans is not a “misogynist” platform. It actually results in the content creators getting fair pay for their work. Monetising videos of anything is almost impossible now on YouTube and YouTube takes most of the money into their corporate pockets. It also has better protections for creators against piracy which Youtube doesn’t have because you can’t download and then share or upload content.

This is an interesting take, because everyone's so against OF but surely it's better than being on a street corner? Or getting your video content ripped off for free?

Even if you have the argument that that they don't get paid enough when starting out, it's not that much different than a young artist not making money.

Anyway, I don't have an issue with OF as a platform really, but it's not acceptable in my relationship. I don't want money being wasted on porn usage, especially not if it's someone my OH knows in person

abcdeg · 12/11/2021 21:07

[quote CommonRoom]@PlanDeRaccordement

Ah yes. Empowerment, control, choicy, choicy. If you earn money from something then it has to be good. Is that your type of argument?

Funny how it's only women with few options who 'choose' to do this though isn't it? Either that, or women who re extremely fragile for various reasons.[/quote]

There are absolutely men and couples who put porn up on OF.

Also I'm not sure why you're so against it. Not everyone makes loads of it- same as anything in life. But it's literally a choice for most people. Whether or not you accept it in a relationship, I'm not sure what the issue with it really is?

You even said yourself "choicy, choicy", might not be your choice but I guess some people find they can make quick money- even without showing their face.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/11/2021 21:08

[quote CommonRoom]@PlanDeRaccordement

Ah yes. Empowerment, control, choicy, choicy. If you earn money from something then it has to be good. Is that your type of argument?

Funny how it's only women with few options who 'choose' to do this though isn't it? Either that, or women who re extremely fragile for various reasons.[/quote]
No, that is not my argument.
My argument was against the poster claiming that OnlyFans is a misogynistic platform when it isn’t.
It has porn on it, but that is not all it is for, it hosts multiple types of content, fitness videos, hobbies/crafts videos, chefs cooking videos, and so on.
The poster called it “misogynistic” purely because it also has porn. But is ignoring that facts that of unlike all the other platforms when you pay a subscription, you are paying direct to the creator of that content whether it is a cooking show, or sewing tutorial....or porn.

I personally don’t like porn, but to think all porn is equal is a mistake. Pornhub for example took uploads from anywhere and anyone, so revenge porn was being up loaded, videos of rapes of under age girls being posted and the women being raped or abused in these videos make zero money for it...the sex traffickers were making the money. You don’t have that happening on onlyFans.

WonderfulYou · 12/11/2021 21:52

All you have to do is google images or videos and you’ll get just as much content as you would on onlyfans.
So no it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.

steff13 · 12/11/2021 21:53

I follow a photographer on Only Fans. I've never interacted with anyone.

Ledition · 12/11/2021 21:55

This is 100% cheating in my book and the relationship would be over with zero second chances.

Sorry OP Flowers

Janaih · 12/11/2021 21:58

Easy to say its a deal breaker when it's not happening to you.

He's most likely paying for porn, but you need to find out for sure either by snooping or asking and then decide what to do.

Hydrate · 12/11/2021 22:03

I'd dump him.