Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won’t leave me alone

60 replies

Bell25 · 12/11/2021 04:47

Not an AIBU more a what would you do?

Fell out with MIL a few months back, after months of her gas lighting behaviour, passive aggressive comments and general shitty behaviour towards me, I found unacceptable and basically called her out on it.
She blamed her mental health on why she was treating me this way (doesn’t treat any other family members like this) and didn’t apologise etc.
I essential told her I wasn’t onboard with having a relationship like this and we should just leave any comms to her and DH.
Since then she literally won’t leave me alone. She messages me constantly, suggests we FaceTime regularly (we’ve never FaceTimed before).

I can’t work out if this is her way of trying to make amends or just winding me up (judgment probably clouded). It’s really doing my head in, I specifically asked her not to contact me and all she does is message me.
Do I leave it ? Call her out on it again? Remind her to leave me alone. I’m well aware I sound like an 11 year old in the playground Blush but it’s so draining and I genuinely don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 12/11/2021 04:50

Block her? She’s trying to control you.

cs98127634 · 12/11/2021 05:04

@FangsForTheMemory

Block her? She’s trying to control you.
Agree
nocnoc · 12/11/2021 05:12

It’s game playing. She has big issues and now can’t leave you alone because you’ve stood up to her. Best thing is to cut her out. Block and forget

rrhuth · 12/11/2021 05:26

Just block. She sounds hard work Flowers

NataliaSerene · 12/11/2021 06:43

What does your DH say?

I think I’d ignore her for the most part. Easier said than done of course.

Beechview · 12/11/2021 06:52

She wants you back in line.
Ignore and block.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 12/11/2021 07:05

@nocnoc

It’s game playing. She has big issues and now can’t leave you alone because you’ve stood up to her. Best thing is to cut her out. Block and forget
This^
CluelessAt50 · 12/11/2021 07:19

A 'grey rock' resistant narc. Great fun. I had a SIL like this, she was a nightmare. I tried to keep out of it but she really wasn't used to not being in charge of her brother & wouldn't let up. Her attempts to drag me into, or centre me in drama got more & more extreme. I walked away, she was too much.

tallduckandhandsome · 12/11/2021 07:29

Why haven’t you blocked her?

Original poster
Bell25 · 12/11/2021 10:19

@NataliaSerene He asked her to give us some space too, basically reinforced what I said but I think he’s less bothered that she hasn’t listened.

Every time I see a message it puts me in a bad mood.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 12/11/2021 10:25

I agree with others who say to block her. You are in no way obliged to have any sort of relationship with her. Think of the stress free life you can have knowing you don't have to speak to her again if you don't want to, don't have to see her name flash up on your phone etc. Your Dh can continue his relationship with her but ask him to keep any discussion about her to the bare minimum. And likewise ask him not to engage in discussions about you, with her. The less she knows about you and what you are up to, the better.

Original poster
Bell25 · 12/11/2021 10:25

@CluelessAt50 that’s exactly what she does, she’s hell bent on trying to drag me into everything even when I’ve made it clear I’m not interested in her games.

Ignoring her isn’t working, I think it’s encouraging her more to be honest.

Sounds like blocking her is the only way.
I’ve genuinely been questioning whether it’s me but I think that’s her intention. Agh going to block.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 12/11/2021 10:26

Yeah, I'm not understanding why you haven't blocked her yet.

Original poster
Bell25 · 12/11/2021 10:29

I know it sounds so obvious to have already blocked her, but she’s playing the victim in the situation, made me out to be a trouble maker etc, DH can see through her but I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire and I also don’t want to put DH in an awkward position when it’s his mum. I’ve tried to ignore as long as possible I just can’t do it anymore.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2021 10:29

She's trying to manipulate you. Block and don't give it another thought.

Whereismumhiding3 · 12/11/2021 10:29

Don't hesitate , block her

Resume contact in your terms in the future when you want your

It sounds like being unable to contact you or draw you in , (by being blocked) will be a good clear lesson in "behave, or lose contact"

TheCanyon · 12/11/2021 10:33

My fil has really been annoying me recently, so I've blocked his number. Unfortunately he can still access my voicemail, He's called and left 43 messages in the last week, varying from normal charter to me, to getting very aggressive towards unknown(to us) people. He's suspected of having dementia and unfortunately goes on massive drinking binges so he's totally unoredictable. I'm considering changing my number...

Original poster
Bell25 · 12/11/2021 10:47

Do you think I should give DH the heads up that I’m going to block her ? Or just do it.
Definitely not in an asking permission way, just more of a this is what I’m doing.
Half of me can’t be bothered as I’m sick of talking about it but he might think it’s a bit weird I didn’t mention it.

Also just for everyone wondering why I’ve not done it already, I’ve been managing to ignore it for months. But we’re starting IVF soon and I just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with that and MILs BS, it’s really started to take a toll in the last few weeks.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2021 10:51

I would tell your husband, and if he kicks off, I would also tell him this decision isn't up for debate or even a conversation. He should be supporting your choice 100% after the way she has treated you. If he doesn't, I would be very seriously rethinking the marriage.

Notaroadrunner · 12/11/2021 10:54

@Bell25

Do you think I should give DH the heads up that I’m going to block her ? Or just do it. Definitely not in an asking permission way, just more of a this is what I’m doing. Half of me can’t be bothered as I’m sick of talking about it but he might think it’s a bit weird I didn’t mention it.

Also just for everyone wondering why I’ve not done it already, I’ve been managing to ignore it for months. But we’re starting IVF soon and I just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with that and MILs BS, it’s really started to take a toll in the last few weeks.

Tell him after you've done it and tell him that's the last you want to hear about it and about her for some time.
IntermittentParps · 12/11/2021 10:57

@Bell25

Do you think I should give DH the heads up that I’m going to block her ? Or just do it. Definitely not in an asking permission way, just more of a this is what I’m doing. Half of me can’t be bothered as I’m sick of talking about it but he might think it’s a bit weird I didn’t mention it.

Also just for everyone wondering why I’ve not done it already, I’ve been managing to ignore it for months. But we’re starting IVF soon and I just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with that and MILs BS, it’s really started to take a toll in the last few weeks.

Do it, then tell him.
Newestname002 · 12/11/2021 12:05

Yep. Another one saying do it first (on all platforms) THEN tell him. No permission or arguments needed. 🌹

CurseofChristmas · 12/11/2021 12:44

Tell him and then block her. He can explain to her why.

Be prepared for her to turn up at your house being dramatic though.

Sexnotgender · 12/11/2021 13:35

I’d tell him. Your mums doing my head in so I’ve blocked her.

Budapestdreams · 12/11/2021 13:45

Agree, block her then tell him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread