School gate mum

[CautiousOptimist11]

My 5 year old DC goes to a small school. Started in Sep. Very close knit community in the school, and definite cliques from the cohort that started just before my DC.

Now I am not for playground politics but something is really bugging me and I want to let it go. One of the other mums, who I have never had the chance to speak to, seems to have taken a dislike to me. She had done a couple of things that - to someone that notices everything despite being non chalant on the outside - were brusque or rude. Immediately after each interaction with me, she was effusive with another, mum who is not a newbie. It just pisses me off that she barely manages to rearrange her face into a 0.5 second smile when I try to say hello in passing - you can tell she didn't want to- yet is all sweetness and light with her friend behind me. In the whatsapp group she was really short with me then in the very next message, using loads of kisses to someone else. It made me feel a bit embarrassed to be honest.

If we had spoken even once I'd think, fine, she doesn't like me. Can't get on with everyone. But she seems to have taken a dislike to me from afar and I can't get past that! What is wrong with some people? There's a Christmas meetup soon and I am considering whether to go and force myself to strike up friendly conversation with her.... see what happens.

Why are some people such knobs though. I honestly try to be pleasant to everyone. Actually I dont try, it just happens. Not necessarily striking up big conversations or friendships, I value my own space too... but just a quick hello or a warm smile in passing. I do it, is it that hard for others? (Obviously knowing there are times when we all are distracted or have "off" days I get that). Or more to the point in in her case, how is it possible to dislike someone from afar??

@Gardeningtipsneeded She definitely sounds like Hyacinth Bucket! 🤣🤣

But I gotta say she's got some brass neck first she writes you off as rough council estate mum then when she sees your house suddenly your her type of people and ds gets a party invite and when you aren't as chatty she interrogates your friend to find out about your wealth 🙄 I'd have so much fun messing with her it'd be worth turning up at school in head to toe designer clothes or telling your friend to let slip about your house having a pool or something just to amuse yourself but then I'm an evil witch like that hence the name 🤣🤣

😂 honestly, grew up on a council estate and when I said to my best friend “there’s this woman at school who won’t seem to talk to me, and I think it’s because she thinks I’m a bit rough” she said “well, she’s right, you are….” So she kind of had me pegged correctly! She’s just ridiculous. I feel quite sorry for her really.

Some women are just bitches and embarrassing.

I told one school mum, who I had thought was nice and a friend, that I was upset that I didn't get X like other mums did. The next day a newer to the school than me mum was given what I and said I was upset about right in front of me. At that moment I just thought they are all pathetic and didn't say another word to them. Would ignore her.

Just ignore her, why would you try and be over friendly when she's made it clear that she's not interested?

These examples are only slights if she's knows all of you equally well.

If she knows other people from having older children at the school or through nursery, of course she talks to them more and knows them better.

Talk to the other new mums with their first child at the school instead.

Desperate to be liked by those she deems useful to her, not smart enough to be passingly civil with someone who she knows nothing about.

This is sadly true. I loathed the school gates.

Women like that are best ignored. She clearly doesn’t think you’re worth socialising with in some way. A lot of school gate mums only really want to talk to people they know already or feel will benefit them in some way. I often get ignored as I’m 10 years older than the other mums & don’t dress in designer clothes or straighten my hair. That I have connections at all the local Outstanding preschools & know all the best 11+ tutors personally is something they don’t often realise until their child needs it but by then I have no interest in socialising with them or sharing my connections.

I had this in YR, it was so weird. Thankfully I only picked up two days a week. I just kept myself to myself and later on I made a few good mum friends in my younger DS's class instead.

I am a friendly person. This school gate stuff is very odd.

Btw sometimes are the friendly ones the ones who spread gossip and rumours.

I am friendlier and more effusive to my my friends than to people I only know in passing.

There's a mum at our school who says hello to everyone with a cheery wave and smile, she comes across as a bit overzealous, can you imagine if everyone did that!
I usually say hi to a few other quieter mums, I don't want to make contact with everyone 😬

I am friendlier and more effusive to my my friends than to people I only know in passing.

Absolutely this! People would think you were a loon if you bowled up to them cheesing you head off.

I'd think there was nothing much too it, it could be any of the reasons that people have suggested, except for ;
In the whatsapp group she was really short with me then in the very next message, using loads of kisses to someone else. It made me feel a bit embarrassed to be honest

She's marked you out as one of those people who like to be friendly and approachable and she could possibly be one of those that takes a bit of satisfaction in being able to diss you, knowing that you will probably continue to try to be friendly so she can diss you again.

I don't think you should chase after her to change her mind.

If something brings you together and she decides to be polite, well and good, but other than that I would just focus on other people and leave well alone

She sounds like a nob to me. Don't even bother with her, stuck with the nice mums..you'll find your tribe x

Why are you bothered? Some people are idiots. That’s life, ignore her. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, not even a nod of acknowledgment never mind a smile or a hello.

Nothing to do with the playground. Just someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe she's rude everywhere. Maybe she doesn't want to be effusive with you because she doesn't know you.

Someone will be along to tell you playground parents are all bitches soon enough. The parents who aren't normal people and of whom they, as parents, aren't one of.

In 3, 2, 1. ...

Honestly thank you all for your replies, kind words and stories of similar situations. Makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this, and that I can now accept there are just odd people out there. Figuring out why they behave the way they do will never work so I will let it go!

She's marked you out as one of those people who like to be friendly and approachable and she could possibly be one of those that takes a bit of satisfaction in being able to diss you, knowing that you will probably continue to try to be friendly so she can diss you again.

God yes, some people do do this. (To me...)

@CautiousOptimist11 Exactly! People like that aren't worth the head space. A regular saying I've heard on MN is "you can't control someone's reaction to you but you can control your reaction to them" just go in ignore her and act like you give zero fucks it'll make you feel much better 😊

@Gardeningtipsneeded Don't worry you aren't alone I'm also a bit rough and I give zero fucks about it 🤣🤣 Snobby cows like her should be treated like the stupid knobs they are. They're in all walks of life unfortunately 🙄

Im on the other side of this- there's two parents I can't stand to be around at pick up time and always get stuck with.

Mum #1 pissed me off the second we walked in for the settling in session- my kid plucked up her courage to go up to her kid to say hi and the mum told my 4 year old to go away because her son doesn't play with girls. Fucking brutal and completely mental- I have fuck all time for her now which I can see confuses the life out of her but not my problem. She doesn't know it but we worked on my kid's social skills and confidence her whole summer because she was behind/being assessed for autism, adhd and sensory issues. She's trying so damn hard and that mother completely stomped on her.

Mum #2 is just fucking nuts and only talks about herself, talks constantly and AT you. I know all about her divorce, her ex MIL's cancer and care needs, how impoverished she is, what her ex is like. Like literally a ten minute one sided lecture on her economy 7 bill. She has never asked me a single thing about myself (not even my name) yet constantly just unloads this deluge of verbal diarrhea on me. I hmmmm and uh huh and dont really engage and just have no time for it. Its on the tip of my tongue to tell her no wonder her husband left her because she's so fucking boring. I won't though.... But fuck me it's true.

Weird thing is I've got heaps of friends of kids in other years that all have to walk past the reception playground queue and say a quick hi as they walk past so I probably look super social to everyone else and bloody rude to these two mums. Fuck me.... Pass the gin!