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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to persevere with breastfeeding

97 replies

Sam020 · 11/11/2021 14:31

DD is 3 months. I've been combination feeding her from when she was 5 days (on the advice of the midwife as she lost a lot of weight and was too slow in gaining it back).

I usually breastfeed her on both breasts, then give her a bottle and 2-3 times a day I try to express milk as well. This has been working fine so far even though it is quite time consuming. She is growing well and tracking her weight centile.

However, for the past few days she has started to reject the breast. She sometimes drinks from the left one but never anymore from the right one. She cries and turns her head away. It's frustrating for both of us and kind of messes up my entire routine. I have stopped expressing thinking that she might ght feed from the breast soon so am worried about my milk supply. So I'm thinking of switching to exclusively bottle feeding. I'll try to pump for as long as I can but even now I get rarely more than 20-40 ml from both breasts so it will be mostly formula.

I think bottle feeding will have lots of advantages but I'm just wondering if I need to try harder or for a bit longer with breastfeeding. My main reason for wanting to bf at this point is so that she can get COVID antibodies from my COVID vaccination (and hopefully to other illnesses as well.) I don't trust that the antibodies will be preserved in expressed milk and I think that once I stop breastfeeding my milk supply will soon vanish anyway.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TotallySuper · 11/11/2021 14:34

Fed is best. Follow your instincts and go with bottles. Get your right breast checked and sometimes baby can pick up on issues with the breast which is why she might have a sudden aversion to that one.

Wolfiefan · 11/11/2021 14:36

It’s not compulsory! You’ve persevered for 3 months. That’s great.

millymolls · 11/11/2021 14:37

Personal opinion. I breast fed for few weeks, hated it, terrible experience, moved to bottle. Found it much better, more enjoyable and took loads of stress away
Do what’s right for you

Winnie87 · 11/11/2021 14:39

I think you've done amazing doing it for this long. Do whatever works for you and your baby, as long as she is feeding that's what's best. Doesn't matter if it's a bottle or breast

shouldistop · 11/11/2021 14:42

Around that age ds2 started rejecting my left boob. I started every feed on that boob and persisted a bit (he wasn't becoming distressed so I was happy to do so). After a week it was fine.
You can just feed on one boob too, doesn't need to be both.
You can also just bottle feed. Entirely up to you. You don't have to stop because he's rejecting one breast though.

Original poster
Sam020 · 11/11/2021 14:46

Thanks so much for the kind replies. They are actually making me feel much better.

Thinking about it it's a real no-brainer that bottle feeding at this stage would work better for me and save us so much time. Assuming I have a choice and she'll accept the breast soon again...

It's just the antibodies to protect her from covid and other illnesses. I feel that's the only thing I can do to protect her. I mean, I try to avoid crowded places indoors but COVID is ripping through ds's school so it's only a matter of time till he'll get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam020 · 11/11/2021 14:53

@shouldistop

Around that age ds2 started rejecting my left boob. I started every feed on that boob and persisted a bit (he wasn't becoming distressed so I was happy to do so). After a week it was fine. You can just feed on one boob too, doesn't need to be both. You can also just bottle feed. Entirely up to you. You don't have to stop because he's rejecting one breast though.
So what's happening now is I put her on the right side, she starts crying and pulling away so then I put her on the left side (which has always been my preferred side so she's probably caught on to that) and sometimes she'll drink a bit but then quickly pull away from there as well (even though milk is still flowing). I could just give up on the right side completely but ok worried about my milk supply and I don't know want to have to express after every single feed. It would be easier to just regularly express and always bottle feed rather than trying to breastfeed as well on the off chance that she might accept it this time. But then I think she might accept the breast again in a few days and I've unnecessarily stopped bf.
OP posts:
Hbs21 · 11/11/2021 14:56

Don't put pressure on yourself. I know a lot of people don't agree but I am a big believer in fed is best. Breastfeeding is hard and if you're going to be happier and less stressed if you exclusively bottle feed then go for it. 3 months is an amazing length of time to have breastfed your LO! I wish I made it that long! Do what's best for you and your family.

Liverbird77 · 11/11/2021 15:00

This is the advice I got from an older health visitor when I said I wanted to stop breastfeeding...
"Well, stop."
I was so relieved to hear that I cried!!!

gamerchick · 11/11/2021 15:02

OP if you want to stop then stop. Yes the antibody thing was a big driver for me but she got colostrum. That shits liquid gold. You've set her up.

If you want to carry on then you'll probably have to ditch the bottles and have a babymoon.

You've done 3 months, it's ok to stop.

BogRollBOGOF · 11/11/2021 15:09

The added benefits of breastfeeding have diminishing returns over time. If it works for you to continue then great, but in this case it isn't. Pumping is hard going on its own right. You've given the best start you can in tricky circumstances and its perfectly fine to just move to formula.

Member984815 · 11/11/2021 15:18

You don't need permission to stop, there's no reason for you to feel bad you've done amazing to keep it going this long , as above, fed is best

welshladywhois40 · 11/11/2021 15:38

3 months is amazing and right now you are trying to feed using three different methods so have the worst of all worlds, breast pads, pumps and sterilising bottles.

I stopped at day 6 when my milk hadn't come in. My baby was hungry and miserable and I was miserable. A happy mum is much better for your baby.

When I stopped my midwife reminded me of the liquid gold in the colostrum he had had so you have given your baby the liquid gold and way more.

agnesflorence · 11/11/2021 20:17

Three months is great! Well done

I think you can reduce it a bit more. Reduce it bit by bit and eventually just do breast at night as it's easier than making up a bottle at 2am

Chloemol · 11/11/2021 20:20

You do what’s best for her, and if that’s formula so be it

You have done well for three months, don’t beat yourself up

Amammai · 11/11/2021 20:25

If you do want to continue to BF then do contact an experienced lactation consultant for support. I have found excellent support through La Leche League. It is definitely possible to get baby back on the breast fully, if that’s what you choose. Also, if you feel you are ready to stop, they can advise on best ways to stop without becoming engorged etc.

MrsGeralt · 11/11/2021 20:31

Please do what's right for your and your baby. If she's happy bottle fed, and you're going to find it easier then do that. Fed is absolutely best. Yours has had 3 months more breastmilk than mine ever had and you'd never know how mine were fed. Breastfeeding is one of those things that only seems important when you're in the thick of it. If you do want to persevere then try a breastfeeding counselor but there is no shame at all in switching to formula.

Original poster
Sam020 · 12/11/2021 00:00

@agnesflorence

Three months is great! Well done

I think you can reduce it a bit more. Reduce it bit by bit and eventually just do breast at night as it's easier than making up a bottle at 2am

Yes, I don't know how to handle the night feeds when bottle feeding but that's another thread I suppose.

I've got very little supply so am unlikely to get engorged I think. Also I'd like to continue expressing milk if possible.

OP posts:
longdistanceclaraaa · 12/11/2021 00:08

My personal experience is that fed is best. Well done for getting to three months. I couldn't, and my goodness I tried. My children are now 4 and 2 and something that i fretted and fretted over with my first turns out to fade from memory as other life stages take over. Well done, pat yourself on the pat, give yourself a break, and move on. Best of luck.

longdistanceclaraaa · 12/11/2021 00:08

Back...

Original poster
Sam020 · 14/11/2021 03:36

Just a quick update: she has started accepting the breast again but now sometimes rejects the bottle. Hmm

OP posts:
nameisnotimportant · 14/11/2021 04:39

I think if that's what you want to do, then do that. Keep in mind that at 3-4 months babies can get fussy at the breast. Breastmilk supply naturally drops a bit around this time. Their fussiness at the boob is actually stimulating more milk. Because of this lots of women choose to change to formula at this point. My little one would also often have feeding strikes where she would fuss and not take any milk for some feeds, which often lasted for three days.
But fed is best and if you want to change to formula then do that. Luckily most adults she will come into contact with, will have had the covid vaccine, so herd immunity will provide her with some protection.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 06:05

I think there is FAR to much pressure to BF in the UK.

KatieKat88 · 14/11/2021 06:39

My DD got to a point where she needed a quieter space to feed as she was so curious as to everything else going on around her, too distracted! So that could help if you continue.

Never feel guilty about stopping OR continuing breastfeeding- whatever you choose for you and your baby is best and no-one else's business. If you do continue you may find people will start asking when you're going to stop when baby gets to 6 months Hmm so you really can't win if you care about other people's opinions!

How are you feeling about it at the moment?

Lovingcup · 14/11/2021 06:42

Just to add - when my DD started to reject the breast around 5 months, I carried on with the expressing even though, like you, it was only small amounts. It still felt like a positive thing to get those 20/30/40ml of breastmilk into her as even small amounts carry benefits. So I stopped putting pressure on myself to get her to try and accept the breast, switched to mostly formula and carried on with expressing what I could until it naturally tapered off at 6 months. You’re doing amazingly Smile