Page 3 | To not want to persevere with breastfeeding

Missey85 · 14/11/2021 16:51

As long as babies eating that's all that matters if its a bottle so be it don't let anybody make you feel guilty

LittleDandelionClock · 14/11/2021 16:57

3 months is fine. You have given your baby a wonderful start in life already. Well done.

Ozanj · 14/11/2021 17:20

@Sam020

DD is 3 months. I've been combination feeding her from when she was 5 days (on the advice of the midwife as she lost a lot of weight and was too slow in gaining it back).

I usually breastfeed her on both breasts, then give her a bottle and 2-3 times a day I try to express milk as well. This has been working fine so far even though it is quite time consuming. She is growing well and tracking her weight centile.

However, for the past few days she has started to reject the breast. She sometimes drinks from the left one but never anymore from the right one. She cries and turns her head away. It's frustrating for both of us and kind of messes up my entire routine. I have stopped expressing thinking that she might ght feed from the breast soon so am worried about my milk supply. So I'm thinking of switching to exclusively bottle feeding. I'll try to pump for as long as I can but even now I get rarely more than 20-40 ml from both breasts so it will be mostly formula.

I think bottle feeding will have lots of advantages but I'm just wondering if I need to try harder or for a bit longer with breastfeeding. My main reason for wanting to bf at this point is so that she can get COVID antibodies from my COVID vaccination (and hopefully to other illnesses as well.) I don't trust that the antibodies will be preserved in expressed milk and I think that once I stop breastfeeding my milk supply will soon vanish anyway.

What would you do?

How do you feed her and where? At 3 months they get very interested in the world around them so you either take them to feed away from toys / distractions (a breastfeeding cover really helps with this) or exploit it by feeding them in a different position. For example if I lay on the sofa and fed DS in a side lying position he would feed much better as he could still see everything. Also, from 3 months, they do go through a growth spurt so it might be she’s getting all the milk she needs really fast and this fussing is just temporary.

Confrontayshunme · 14/11/2021 17:38

My second DD only ever fed from my left boob from about 5 months. I didn't realise until I said something at a baby group that it isn't uncommon for older babies to have a preference!

PineappleEye · 14/11/2021 19:17

My baby (11 weeks) recently started pulling away and getting upset when I offer her the breast as well. I've found taking her to a darkened room and swaddling her solves the issue...have you tried that? I think it's overstimulation in my case

Rumplestrumpet · 14/11/2021 19:38

I'm a big fan of breast feeding and am still feeding my nearly 2 year old. Like you, I wanted to give him as many antibodies as possible (esp when starting nursery and they catch every bug going). I have found La Lèche League really great with lots of advice and support, so if you are wanting to continue do get in touch with them for advice.

But if it feels like the right time to stop, that's absolutely ok too. Whether it's after a day, a month or a year, whenever you choose to stop breastfeeding is the right time for you and your baby. You don't win any medals for struggling on, and only you can really know what is right.

Trust your instinct and don't worry what anyone thinks. You've done brilliantly to this point. Enjoy the wonderful times ahead

ironorchids · 14/11/2021 19:47

You should do whatever you're comfortable with, it sounds like you're doing a great job, and might just need a bit more support.

Can you ask your GP for help with breastfeeding?

There are specialist lactation consultants who can help with breastfeeding and how to respond to this change in the way she's feeding if you want to try to continue BF. Maybe your GP can refer you.

If you want to switch to 100% formula feeding, you shouldn't feel bad for doing that either.

Original poster

Sam020 · 14/11/2021 19:57

@shouldistop

If you do continue you may find people will start asking when you're going to stop when baby gets to 6 months

This ds2 is 11 months and my mums said a few times since 6 months that surely^ I'll be stopping soon. And a slightly horrified "you won't still be breastfeeding when you go back to work will you?!".
This is the woman that quite rudely asked my poor SIL in hospital the day after delivering, why she wasn't at least trying to breastfeed.

I assume my mother thinks it's only acceptable to breastfeed until 6 months at the very latest. And she also thinks formula isn't acceptable for a newborn.

Yes, Ds I breastfed till he was 18 months and I've had quite a few strangers tell me how crazy that apparently is (they all said it nicely though...so I didn't mind).

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Original poster

Sam020 · 14/11/2021 20:04

@Sparkletree

That's great that she's started accepting the breast again. To me it sounds like the combination of bottles, expressing and breastfeeding is a lot of faff. I'd probably spend a few days doing skin to skin and having lots of topless time with baby feeding on demand which will increase your supply so you can get rid of the formula top ups and then only bother expressing if you need to leave baby with someone. However, if you find bottles easier and you really want to give up then do that. Breastfeeding is a really emotive topic and people on both sides get very defensive so go with whatever option best fits your baby's needs and your own.

Yes, I've tried baby moons or whatever they are called..basically breastfeeding the baby every hour or so. I think I am one of the few women who really just don't produce enough. I'm glad DD is growing well with the help of formula. Ds was exclusively breastfed (not Out of choice...he rejected the bottle) and has always had weight gain problems. I feel so bad now thinking I starved him. He was a bit if a difficult baby ..always crying but now I think he was just hungry.

Anyway I think I really do have low supply.that is unlikely to improve

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KatieKat88 · 14/11/2021 21:40

Apologies if I'm missing something OP, but why do you think you don't produce enough? It's generally supply and demand so the more you top up, the less supply needed. If you start to feed more you start to produce more (like with cluster feeding). What evidence (or what have you heard from professionals) that tells you low supply is the issue? Hope this doesn't come across as rude, just want to be able to comment appropriately to help

Fullyloaded · 14/11/2021 21:58

Breastfeeding yummy mummies on Facebook is a useful group, national breastfeeding support helpline is good too, and also la leche league website.

Personally I would ditch the bottle full stop and concentrate on boob - the more you feed, the more your supply will increase. Babies go through fussy patches at the boob, but as long as you're getting wet and dirty nappies then you're doing fine. Also know that efficiency will increase so baby will feed for less time.

I don't agree that fed is best I'm afraid - there is a reason that NHS recommends breastfeeding for 6 months and WHO recommends it for two years minimum. Yes, fed is best if breastfeeding is not possible (and I have great sympathy for women who desperately want to but just can't make it work), but in a direct comparison between breastmilk and formula, breastmilk is far and away more beneficial for your baby and should be continued if at all possible.

Original poster

Sam020 · 14/11/2021 22:19

@KatieKat88

Apologies if I'm missing something OP, but why do you think you don't produce enough? It's generally supply and demand so the more you top up, the less supply needed. If you start to feed more you start to produce more (like with cluster feeding). What evidence (or what have you heard from professionals) that tells you low supply is the issue? Hope this doesn't come across as rude, just want to be able to comment appropriately to help

Hi. No, don't worry, you are not coming across as rude.

What happened was that dd lost a lot of weight after birth and even though she was hanging on my breasts almost round the clock she didn't put on enough weight. So the midwife said I need to top her up. Immediately.

Her latch isn't perfect but it also isn't Terrible.

When I express milk I'm never able to express more than about 40ml from both breasts.

Ds was exclusively breastfed. He was born on the 75th centile, very quickly dropped to the 9th and is now below the 2nd. I was always told to continue breast feeding and It might have nothing to do with breastfeeding but I'm not risking that again. That's another thread though I guess ..

I don't mind giving her formula. It is a faff doing both, ie bottle and breastfeeding, however, and my priority is that she grows and develops well. Breast milk might have benefits but not if she isn't getting enough of it. It's very difficult to know how much milk the baby is getting. The best indication is Weight gain and she just didn't show good enough weight gain without formula. I'll never know if it's because of low supply or a bad latch or something else but for some reason my kids didn't and don't get enough milk from the breast. I'm not willing to experiment and risk ds not gaining enough m

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Original poster

Sam020 · 14/11/2021 22:21

Also, pre formula she wasn't getting enough wet nappies

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Marvellousmadness · 14/11/2021 22:24

Do what baby wants. Stop giving this any more though. You don't fail because you don't BF. You succeed because you feed. No matter how

Ohdofuckofdear · 14/11/2021 22:27

I breastfed all 5 of my DC but I am the first person to say don't carry on breastfeeding if it's not working for you or your LO.

I think far to much pressure is put on Mum's to breastfeed nowdays!

Feeding is one of the earliest ways that we get to bond with our baby's and it would be such a shame if you forced yourself to carry on breastfeeding,being fed,held and loved is all your baby desires,they honestly don't care where they're milk comes from just as long as they're fed and loved that's all that matters.

And congratulations on your baby.

Fullyloaded · 14/11/2021 22:27

Have you tried asking your gp for help? I gather domperidone can be prescribed to boost supply? Also, you're eating and drinking enough yourself? Re pumping, have you tried a different pump? I'd only get 30ml or so with the models swing and hated every second of it, but got 100ml+ with the Bella baby, which is cheap as chips from amazon.

Fullyloaded · 14/11/2021 22:28

Medela swing, not models swing

Youdoyoutoday · 14/11/2021 22:31

I did the same as you for both of mine for the exact same reason and just bottle fed from around 5 or 6 months, my boobs just didn't produce enough milk. I could never seem to pump enough for a decent sized bottle but hey ho, no point stressing about it. Fed is best and less stress is best too.

unknownstory · 14/11/2021 22:41

@bjjgirl

Honestly just do what is best for you both, you have given her an amazing 3 months of breast milk, if you need to stop or want to, no one will Judge.

THIS. Do what works for you and your child & family

KatieKat88 · 15/11/2021 08:13

I think if I'd try to get some help if I were in your position and if I wanted to continue breastfeeding- you could contact your local infant feeding team if you're in England, mine were amazing. They'd be able to give advice on reducing top ups safely and gauge your supply. Pumping isn't usually a good indication as babies are so much more efficient. Wet nappies definitely are but I'd expect your supply to be much more established now than when she was a newborn. You could try then to move to dropping top ups and just doing a bottle of expressed milk or formula say once a day if needed as that's a lot more manageable? But I think you'd need proper support to help with this.

RidingMyBike · 15/11/2021 09:21

OP it's worth looking at why you want to BF. If someone wants to, enjoys doing it and it's going well from both their and baby's perspective then those are excellent reasons to do it.

But not if it's making you miserable and isn't fully working anyway- which isn't that uncommon, I discovered after EBF made mine seriously ill. You'll get a lot of people saying 'supply and demand' but it isn't as simple as that if you have other reasons for low supply. And, yes, it's far more important to feed the baby than to BF, otherwise they're at risk of not getting the calories they need for growth and brain development.

Have a look at Emily Oster's 'Cribsheet' book - she looks at the research into BFing, assesses it's quality (much of it is very poor quality) and evaluates it, then leaves you to make up your own mind. The reason the NHS recommends BFing is because it makes a difference at a population level - things like the breast cancer risk reduction (risk drops from 12.5% to 12% after 6 months of BFing if you're under 35 - which is really not how it was portrayed at the BFing antenatal class I did!) makes a difference when extrapolated across millions of women but very little difference to an individual woman. The same for the immunity benefits, which are absolutely tiny.

Lavender24 · 15/11/2021 09:37

I'll probably be slated for this and it's totally your decision of course but I would try to persevere for a bit in your position. I feel I did not persevere enough with breastfeeding due to lack of education/support so different reasons to yours but I've never quite forgiven myself.

RidingMyBike · 15/11/2021 09:56

@Lavender24 please don't be so hard on yourself! I did persevere (BF to3.5 years in the end) and I really regret doing so as it was so miserable and no end of expense and hassle.

BFing promotion makes you think you're missing out on something if you don't do it, which is probably what I'd be thinking if I had stopped!

RosettaR · 15/11/2021 10:05

Not what you're asking but has she been checked for tongue tie? That can cause refusal and aversion issues and can also cause weight loss or slow weight gain.

I was in a similar situation to you at 12 weeks with my twins, they just weren't getting much milk breast feeding so i was expressing and bottle feeding but it just got too much for me. I discussed with health visitors and various feeding helplines and got no meaningful help, so I ended up formula feeding. A month or so later they started refusing the bottle and at that point someone suggested checking them for tongue tie. I thought it couldn't possible be that because surely someone would have suggested it before now! But it was. I'm still so upset to think if only I'd known I could perhaps have breast fed which I desperately wanted to do.

AnAverageMum · 15/11/2021 10:20

Of course it’s completely your choice, but I do agree about the antibodies in your breast milk! I believe they’re particularly dense around this time period too.

If it’s easier just give up breastfeeding all together & just try to pump what you can to bottle feed - that would be my advice. Not forever… just until this winter (& all the horrible viruses that are coming with it, including Covid.) is over.