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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to persevere with breastfeeding

97 replies

Sam020 · 11/11/2021 14:31

DD is 3 months. I've been combination feeding her from when she was 5 days (on the advice of the midwife as she lost a lot of weight and was too slow in gaining it back).

I usually breastfeed her on both breasts, then give her a bottle and 2-3 times a day I try to express milk as well. This has been working fine so far even though it is quite time consuming. She is growing well and tracking her weight centile.

However, for the past few days she has started to reject the breast. She sometimes drinks from the left one but never anymore from the right one. She cries and turns her head away. It's frustrating for both of us and kind of messes up my entire routine. I have stopped expressing thinking that she might ght feed from the breast soon so am worried about my milk supply. So I'm thinking of switching to exclusively bottle feeding. I'll try to pump for as long as I can but even now I get rarely more than 20-40 ml from both breasts so it will be mostly formula.

I think bottle feeding will have lots of advantages but I'm just wondering if I need to try harder or for a bit longer with breastfeeding. My main reason for wanting to bf at this point is so that she can get COVID antibodies from my COVID vaccination (and hopefully to other illnesses as well.) I don't trust that the antibodies will be preserved in expressed milk and I think that once I stop breastfeeding my milk supply will soon vanish anyway.

What would you do?

OP posts:

shouldistop · 14/11/2021 06:45

If you do continue you may find people will start asking when you're going to stop when baby gets to 6 months

This ds2 is 11 months and my mums said a few times since 6 months that surely^ I'll be stopping soon. And a slightly horrified "you won't still be breastfeeding when you go back to work will you?!".
This is the woman that quite rudely asked my poor SIL in hospital the day after delivering, why she wasn't at least trying to breastfeed.

I assume my mother thinks it's only acceptable to breastfeed until 6 months at the very latest. And she also thinks formula isn't acceptable for a newborn.

shouldistop · 14/11/2021 06:47

@Sam020

Just a quick update: she has started accepting the breast again but now sometimes rejects the bottle.

It's a funny age. I wouldn't stress too much. Just feed in whatever way she'll accept

you're doing a great job

Mamacarrot · 14/11/2021 06:57

My son was exclusively breastfed and did the same around that age I believe it was a nursing strike . It’s normal for babies to do this at times Google more on it . Also are you doing pace bottle feeding ? That way your baby will less likely have a bottle preference and can go from bottle to breast easily . If not watch YouTube videos on it . I think what you are doing is great . If combi feeding is going going well I would continue either way and not stress Too much about following the perfect routine . A consistent routine will fall in place when they start solids

Macaroni46 · 14/11/2021 07:02

Please stop giving yourself a hard time about this OP. Just switch to bottles and carry on enjoying your little one. Life is too short to be worrying about this. There's far too much pressure on women to breast feed in my opinion. When the baby's older no one will care or ask how they were fed.

bjjgirl · 14/11/2021 07:06

Honestly just do what is best for you both, you have given her an amazing 3 months of breast milk, if you need to stop or want to, no one will
Judge.

Grapewrath · 14/11/2021 07:11

It’s totally possible to carry on bf with the right support and advice. Rejection of one breast is not uncommon and could be due to a number of factors- usually resolvable. If you want to carry in then contact lll or your local breastfeeding support group.
If you don’t want to carry on breastfeeding then don’t.

Craftylittlething · 14/11/2021 07:32

My midwife said to me “do you want your memories of your first months with baby to be about struggling to breastfeed or do you want to enjoy her” she was wonderful, as long as your baby is fed and you are happy.

PragmaticWench · 14/11/2021 07:37

You could always carry on with breastfeeding at night, with bottles in the day perhaps? Really whatever makes your life easiest!

Scotabroad24 · 14/11/2021 07:45

You've done amazing getting to 3 months breastfeeding. Longer than I lasted. If bottle feeding is what works for you then do it, quite honestly I don't see the point in stressing both you and baby out, fed is best.

Hollyhead · 14/11/2021 07:50

Do what’s best for you, it sounds as though you’ve done a great job. It also sounds like continuing to express (if you want to) could also be a good halfway house.

For context I am a strong bf supporter and a peer supporter we’re not all of the ‘just persevere mindset’!

Sparkletree · 14/11/2021 07:57

That's great that she's started accepting the breast again. To me it sounds like the combination of bottles, expressing and breastfeeding is a lot of faff. I'd probably spend a few days doing skin to skin and having lots of topless time with baby feeding on demand which will increase your supply so you can get rid of the formula top ups and then only bother expressing if you need to leave baby with someone.
However, if you find bottles easier and you really want to give up then do that. Breastfeeding is a really emotive topic and people on both sides get very defensive so go with whatever option best fits your baby's needs and your own.

Tryagainplease · 14/11/2021 08:01

If you’re considering stopping then I would stop, OP. It means you’re already at the point where it is wearing you out. Give yourself permission and do not feel guilty - you’re doing a great job!

picklemewalnuts · 14/11/2021 08:07

You're caught in the worst of both worlds at the moment- all the faff of bottles and pumping, and the tie of breastfeeding.

If it were me, I'd put the bottles away for a day and see whether sticking to just the breastfeeding would simplify things for you both. Stopping pumping and cleaning and sterilising bottles would be a huge relief.

But that's only me! I found breastfeeding less complicated than messing with bottles.
Do what works for you and your baby.

RidingMyBike · 14/11/2021 08:18

I was hating it at this point and had similar problems with low supply - I never got above 50%. I stopped pumping and, from 12 weeks, limited the BFs to 3-4 a day to make it easier to cope with. I did alternate feeds from then, rather than top ups, although they tended to be quite close together!
TBH I'd expected my supply to dry up but it just kept going at that amount! I ended up BFing to 3.5 years but I do regret not stopping at the 3 month point - but there was no support for stopping, just constant pressure to continue.
Why not see how you get on with not pumping and how you feel about it?

BigYellowHat · 14/11/2021 08:29

Just stop BFing. There’s no shame in it. DS and I didn’t get on with it so I stopped after less than a month and he’s grown up to be a strapping, almost 6 foot tall 18 year old.

BoredOfCbeebies · 14/11/2021 08:34

I would really recommend speaking to a local breastfeeding counsellor as they will have loads of advice and ideas. Ask your health visitor what or who is available in your area. NHS, NCT or La Leche perhaps? Then once you have all the facts, you can decide what you want to do - what works best for you. It sounds like a lot of work trying to do breast and bottles. Personally I found breastfeeding easier, no faff making bottles in the night and also works out as a great comforter to your baby. But equally don't feel guilty of it's not working for you.

TheSandgroper · 14/11/2021 12:31

I had low supply. I took fenugreek for a couple of years. First in capsules but then just the seeds by the teaspoon full. It’s what kept us both good in those early months.

Sparklingbrook · 14/11/2021 12:36

@Craftylittlething

That was it for me. I had nine months maternity leave and spent 1 1/2 of them getting more and more upset and depressed with breastfeeding. It was not how the pre birth classes had let me to believe, apparently it was going to be a breeze.

Op you've done brilliantly to do 3 months, if you want to stop, then do.

Hetyanni · 14/11/2021 12:41

Pack it in as soon as you want my love- there are no prizes! You matter too and your body belongs to you.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 12:50

It was not how the pre birth classes had let me to believe, apparently it was going to be a breeze

This is a huge part of the problem with BF education in the UK. I feel really strongly about this and could rant on about it for a while!

Concestor · 14/11/2021 13:45

@BogRollBOGOF

The added benefits of breastfeeding have diminishing returns over time. If it works for you to continue then great, but in this case it isn't. Pumping is hard going on its own right. You've given the best start you can in tricky circumstances and its perfectly fine to just move to formula.

That's not true. Many of the benefits of breastfeeding are cumulative in that they get greater the longer you feed for.

But that said, OP it's up to you, if you want to stop then stop, or just keep on offering the breast alongside bottle feeding and see what happens. Babies do go through fussy phases, it doesn't mean your baby doesn't want your breast, but breastfeeding is a mutual relationship so do what works for both of you.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 14:36

Oh PLEASE can we not make this a debate about the benefits of BF

Sparklingbrook · 14/11/2021 15:05

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

It was not how the pre birth classes had let me to believe, apparently it was going to be a breeze

This is a huge part of the problem with BF education in the UK. I feel really strongly about this and could rant on about it for a while!

I really wish they’d been straight with us. That it can be really really difficult and painful but I guess that would put people off even trying. So instead (although this was 2001 so things could have changed) it was all ‘nose to nipple’ and you’ll be good to go.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 15:30

I had my baby in 2020 - it hasnt changed!

Peachi82 · 14/11/2021 16:06

I second what some of the other posters said. If you want to carry on, then I would get breastfeeding support checking latch, positioning etc. Babies at this age tend to be a bit fussy, they start to notice more of their environment and get easily distracted.
If you're happy with formula, then do this.

Jo matter your decision, you have done amazing so far!

I don't agree with what a previous poster said about there being too much pressure in the UK to breastfeed. The UK has one of the lowest uptake in breastfeeding in Europe. I don't think it is because women are pressured to breastfeed, I think it is down to not enough support and horrendous post natal wards where everyone tries to leave as quickly as they can. If women could stay in private rooms with ensuite for a couple of days after birth, have rest and breastfeeding counselling available on request, I am pretty sure the uptake would be a lot better.

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