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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it even possible to hold down a job when you have a toddler in nursery?!

83 replies

Iwannabelikeyouohh · 10/11/2021 13:42

My son (20 months) started nursery in March.

Since starting it has been non stop illnesses (including Covid)

Since May I have not done a full month at work (I work 3 days 9-5) because there’s always something wrong.

He’s had chest infections
Tonsillitis
Cough after cough
Temperatures

The nursery have sent him home today as he spiked a temp of 39, they gave him calpol but it wasn’t coming down much and he wasn’t well.

I’m really starting to think I’m going to get sacked with how much time I’ve had off.

Surely it’s not normal for him to be unwell so often.
It’s every few weeks now :( :(

OP posts:
familyof4boys · 10/11/2021 13:44

I am at home today with my 11 month old who has hand, foot and mouth. Last week he had a vomiting bug, the week before bronchiolitis. Not to mention the endless coughs, colds, conjunctivitis etc… I feel your pain- it’s a nightmare!

Original poster
Iwannabelikeyouohh · 10/11/2021 13:45

@familyof4boys

Oh yeah he’s had HFM too, that wasn’t nice :(

Hope your lo is okay.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2021 13:46

Is there anyone who can help out op? Is his Dad around? It is hard, but hopefully work will understand it isn't forever. Can you swap your off days as all?

Landof · 10/11/2021 13:46

In my experience of working in childcare, this is quite normal unfortunately. Would a nanny be within your budget? I'm one and I will have them through most illnesses. And I'm rarely off myself. We still do plenty of socialising through playgroups etc. .

Bonnealle · 10/11/2021 13:47

That sounds so tough, and I am dreading that stage. It must be even harder for you as a single mum, at least I have a partner who can share a bit of the load. I also have my fingers in my ears about school holidays - I’ve no idea how we’re going to cope with that at the moment as we’ve no family near. I’m not really sure what the answer is, have work brought it up?

Original poster
Iwannabelikeyouohh · 10/11/2021 13:48

@SleepingStandingUp

DH is working on a site visit today so wasn’t able to pick him up.
He has done a few of the picks up when he’s not well, but he earns so much more than I do and since it would be unpaid leave, financially it’s better for me to take the day off than DH.

@Landof
I’ve never looked into a nanny, I’m assuming it would be much more than a nursery and that’s already too much Blush

OP posts:
eleanorsos · 10/11/2021 13:48

No advice except to say we've had exactly the same - DD started in September and since then has had colds, fever, tummy bugs etc - getting sent home at least once every couple of weeks!

DH and I have been alternating time off but it's still a lot. Luckily my manager is understanding but it is a nightmare and I'm pretty sure DH's work think he's taking the piss Grin

I'm living in hope that their immunity builds up and that eventually it starts to tail off! Hope your DS feels better soon too

Cornettoninja · 10/11/2021 13:50

Ah it’s hard and a particularly tough year given all the bugs going wild after all the covid measures. Is your baby’s dad involved at all, he really needs to take on some of the burden.

On the bright side, hopefully you should have a much easier time when your dc starts preschool/school if they’re going through the ‘catch everything’ phase now. Ime it’s unavoidable and happens either when they start childcare or school and start mixing with a load of other kids.

We kind of cobbled our way through it. No family support so, as I worked three days like you, I negotiated making time up rather than losing the hours completely and covered half days with DP doing one half. If you think that’s possible, ask the nursery about ad-hoc days and see if your employer is on board. It can be expensive but at least you’re showing a willingness to work your hours.

CornishGem1975 · 10/11/2021 13:50

It's been the same here. Luckily I WFH and work are accepting of me working with him around, but it's hard work.

Littlemissweepy · 10/11/2021 13:51

Mine were in nursery pre Covid so didn’t have the isolation stuff associated with that, but yes it is hard. Though I didn’t have me 100% responsible for covering the illnesses though. Me, DC dad, grandparents did some sort of unspoken rotation so it was never too often for any one person. Also after a year or so, they resisted more and more things so it got easier.

Original poster
Iwannabelikeyouohh · 10/11/2021 13:51

@Bonnealle

I’m not a single parent.
DH earns way more than I do so it’s financially better for us if I take dependent leave rather than him.

Work haven’t brought it up…. Yet.

OP posts:
Deliaskis · 10/11/2021 13:54

It really does tail off after that first year. I expect that general bugs/immunity has been disrupted due to COVID and lockdowns but we had the same as you....absolutely everything going in the first year, including frequent random vomiting bugs, but then it improved massively, and she has hardly had any sick days from school in her whole time at primary (now in Y6). Hang in there over winter and it will improve by Spring.

cowburp · 10/11/2021 13:56

Same here. Me and DH split the days (he even takes more as his job is more flexible) but still..I'm having to take so much time off or try and work around an ill little one. (Not happening!)

MyButteredBread · 10/11/2021 14:00

I wonder, though, if you could rethink the way you look at your job and career. If you're always taking the time off it will be that much harder to progress and get to a higher wage. If your dh could take more time off, allowing you to be at work more consistently, the investment in your career growth will pay off. Your child won't be small forever, your capacity for earning more can grow, and you need a pension pot. You and dh are a team, and maybe a rethink of how your team functions needs to happen. If you lose your job, what are the short term and long term impacts?

BeardieWeirdie · 10/11/2021 14:01

Top tip - get the chicken pox vaccine so you can avoid the two weeks off that (and misery) that that would entail. I’m with you, it’s so shit. Mine started nursery in April when I started a new job and has been off multiple times with HFM, coughs and vomiting bugs.

PassingByAndThoughtIdDropIn · 10/11/2021 14:01

I would say that for the first year with a child in nursery you need to prepare to allocate the majority of both parents' annual leave for emergency childcare. Eventually it does slow down, but they'll carefully wait to get chickenpox until the worst possible moment.

Your DH may be higher paid but presumably he does get some holiday on a use it or lose it basis, so he should use some of it in the interests of safeguarding your job, and also showing to your employer that you value your employment and take it seriously and aren't always the one who has to drop out of work. As an employer, if one of my employees is making it clear that her job is deprioritised within her family then it will affect my opinion of her. (That's not necessarily a problem if your job is semi-casual with no prospects, but if you hope to advance then it matters).

fedup078 · 10/11/2021 14:02

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have such a flexible job

InTheLabyrinth · 10/11/2021 14:05

I know you say DH earns more, but he really needs to take half (or just over) your 3 days a week. He has guarenteed childcare for the 2 days a week you are at home, so needs to take at least 1 day a week of anything else.

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/11/2021 14:07

Mine started Nov 2020 and hasn't been sent home at all. She had time off due to having covid and I think only missed 2 other sessions due to illness. She's had loads of colds but not really been that unwell. She also only goes 2 consecutive days so if she catches something she's usually over the worst by the time she's next in.

cowburp · 10/11/2021 14:08

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@Bonnealle

I’m not a single parent.
DH earns way more than I do so it’s financially better for us if I take dependent leave rather than him.

Work haven’t brought it up…. Yet.[/quote]
And he needs to take his dependent leave too

idontlikealdi · 10/11/2021 14:12

It is rough, and my personal opinion is a lot of this stuff is more prevalent than before because of social distancing. However when you get to reception yours will be fine, and the ones that haven't been in daycare or a setting will be dropping like flies. It's just one those things yiu have to ride through.

Eggmcmuffin · 10/11/2021 14:14

I feel your pain, we've had a month of constant illness too with my almost 3 year old. I usually work from home and so does my husband so we can just about manage, and we only have one child. No family support. I honestly don't know how people manage who can't work from home

roses2 · 10/11/2021 14:14

It's certainly possible but it cost me a lot of money in emergency childcare. Pre covid at my work I was expected to be in and sort out childcare so I made sure I had an emergency nanny in place. DS was sick every other week for a week at a time for the first 6 months of nursery. Cost me a bomb but I didn't loose my job.

Original poster
Iwannabelikeyouohh · 10/11/2021 14:21

@Eggmcmuffin

I don’t have the option to work from home, I wish I did as it would help a lot!

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 10/11/2021 14:27

DH earns way more than I do so it’s financially better for us if I take dependent leave rather than him

I get that (same here) but if there is any tangible value in your job he really does need to be the one to share the load.

I think you both need a proper conversation because if he won’t take any time and you can’t negotiate childcare and work agreement to make up hours then in all honesty you just have to rely on the goodwill of your employer and hope they don’t get fed up of it. Afaik, nannies are a bit more flexible with sickness but I’ve no idea how the mood is around covid or if it’s financially viable for you.

Tbh, you’ve got years of covering sickness, school holidays, inset days ahead of you. In lots of ways childcare is easier when they’re not bound by term times and you have an ongoing contract in place. You really need to either find a way to spread the load and get your employer onside or accept that you’re basically chancing it from here on out and your job is going to be at risk if you can’t fulfill your contracted hours.