Is it even possible to hold down a job when you have a toddler in nursery?!

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

My son (20 months) started nursery in March.

Since starting it has been non stop illnesses (including Covid)

Since May I have not done a full month at work (I work 3 days 9-5) because there’s always something wrong.

He’s had chest infections
Tonsillitis
Cough after cough
Temperatures

The nursery have sent him home today as he spiked a temp of 39, they gave him calpol but it wasn’t coming down much and he wasn’t well.

I’m really starting to think I’m going to get sacked with how much time I’ve had off.

Surely it’s not normal for him to be unwell so often.
It’s every few weeks now :( :(

The trick is to start sending them in 3-4 months before your mat leave ends which obvs is no use to you lol. I would suggest making the nursery wash his hands regularly if they don’t already and before he is returned to you. Ask regularly (everyday if needed) if bugs are going round so you can make proactive alternative arrangements. Eg when hand foot and mouth was going round we went on holiday lol. It won’t be forever though don’t worry. Winter is always tough for bugs and it’s even worse now as we’ve all been sheltered due to covid

At that stage, I found it is only nanny that worked for me.

Hi OP. Haven’t read the full thread and don’t know if it’s been suggested but try probiotics eg optibac childrens (powdered), I feel like they helped my lo. It does get better with time, this is just how they build their immune system and it’s prob acute as nursery is a germ fest plus they didn’t build up the tolerance during lockdown.

Some nurseries are cleaner and have better infection control measures than others. Many don't even have cleaners and just rely on staff doing a quick wipe round at the end of the day, toys are never cleaned.

Often childminders are a lot cleaner and fewer children = fewer illness.

What mybutteredbread said

@Rugsofhonour

Your husband needs to help a lot more. It might mean him taking unpaid leave (although I would check that’s actually the case) but if the alternative is you losing your job then he’s just going to have to suck it up.

As soon as I saw the title of your post I just KNEW the real issue here was going to be a partner not pulling his weight. It’s so predictable.

WE don't know what their set up is. If there's a big disparity in pay it depends if they can afford the financial hit of him taking time off. If as today he's out on site he's probably not in a position to come get him if the nursery want to send the child home.

Sorry but your problem right there is you are not splitting the care evenly. Your child is both of your responsibilities. An employer would expect you to split the care. This is why so many employers don’t want to take on women with kids. It doesn’t matter who earns more you both have equal responsibility to your job and to your child. One job is not more important.
My DH earns over 6 figures. I earn 40k. We split the time off for Childrens sickness equally.

I was thinking about this same thing this morning. DD2, now 18 months, started nursery in July; one full day and one half day a week.

She has not managed three complete weeks consecutively. Every cough, cold, fever going. Last week and this it was D&V. DD1 (now four) goes to the same nursery and it was nothing like as bad as this when she started - and, to be fair, the older rooms are nothing like as bad either although they've had to close them down a couple of times for staff sickness.

We're fortunate that I'm a SAHP so fortunately in the position of choosing to use nursery for early years development rather than needing it as childcare. Keeping DD2 home is not a problem, and it also means that we're not at all tempted to send her in when she's in a 'ill but might get away with it' state.

But I'm seriously questioning whether it's worth it. We've used barely half the sessions we've paid for. I'm almost grateful that I cannot find work to save my life as there's no way I'd be able to take on a full time job at this rate.

@NellieBertram

Some nurseries are cleaner and have better infection control measures than others. Many don't even have cleaners and just rely on staff doing a quick wipe round at the end of the day, toys are never cleaned.

Often childminders are a lot cleaner and fewer children = fewer illness.

The ones which rely on staff doing a quick wipe and not cleaning the toys would not pass OFSTED

@olivehater

Sorry but your problem right there is you are not splitting the care evenly. Your child is both of your responsibilities. An employer would expect you to split the care. This is why so many employers don’t want to take on women with kids. It doesn’t matter who earns more you both have equal responsibility to your job and to your child. One job is not more important. My DH earns over 6 figures. I earn 40k. We split the time off for Childrens sickness equally.

Easy said but not always done. Depends on the nature of their jobs. if her OH is working some distance away then if the nursery calls to say the child is ill it may be hours before he gets back.

When ours were little I was away 4-5 days a week for extended periods. If the nursery had called for me it would have been at earliest evening or next day before I got back. OH was nearby so he took the hit on his leave for sick days. I did the planned time such as Christmas.

Perhaps her OH should get another job where he can be available even if its involves a pay cut. (I did but that was because I got fed up missing so much time with the girls)

Hang in there. It gets better. My LO went to nursery at 1 year old. For the next year she had every bug going. Then it seemed to level off and she is now a hardy thing who rarely gets sick.
You may start to get some respite from the constant flu-cold-sickness bug cycle soon!

Fair enough if they call the orig rights. But I can count on one hand the amount of times I have been called from nursery part way through the day . ( had three kids , a few different chidcade places). Most of the time you make the call in the morning or night before and decide who is staying home with a sick child. And generally we take it in turns.

@TheOrigRights of course they "pass" Ofsted
Lots of nurseries don't have cleaning staff.
Obviously you make sure it's extra clean when Ofsted are coming.

Your dh should be taking some responsibility. Regardless of his job/pay.

[quote NellieBertram]@TheOrigRights of course they "pass" Ofsted
Lots of nurseries don't have cleaning staff.
Obviously you make sure it's extra clean when Ofsted are coming.[/quote]
I know not all will have cleaning staff.
Can't ofsted just drop in?

nb it's been a while since mine were in nursery.

@olivehater

Fair enough if they call the orig rights. But I can count on one hand the amount of times I have been called from nursery part way through the day . ( had three kids , a few different chidcade places). Most of the time you make the call in the morning or night before and decide who is staying home with a sick child. And generally we take it in turns.

I don't think you mean me?

@TheOrigRights Ofsted might inspect unannounced if the nursery has already had an inadequate inspection or if there is a very serious safeguarding complaint.
But generally, no - settings get a couple of days notice.

I must be in the minority but I have never took emergency dependants leave in the 2 years my son has been at nursery. He has had to isolate twice but luckily my DP can wfh and my work was accommodating in swapping shifts (shift worker) so I didn't have to take any.

I know it's common though and part of having a small child.

I lost my job for the same reason OP. Due to lockdown my toddler had never been exposed to most illnesses, so starting nursery meant catching them all in quick succession. We can’t afford to jeopardise DH’s job because it pays the bills, so I stayed off work repeatedly and just resigned myself to the fact that if I got fired, I got fired. And yes, I did indeed get fired. It’s just tough luck unfortunately.

since it would be unpaid leave, financially it’s better for me to take the day off than DH.

Unless you loose your job for being unreliable, then it’s financially worse for you to take the day off…

Agree with others that it is worth your DH sometimes doing it otherwise your career will be stuffed.

I had a back up childminder who would take my kids with sniffles and when they were a bit under the weather. All the parents who used her were fine with this as we all benefited !

It might be worth having an open chat with your boss to explain this is a tricky year and if you get some work from home flexibility you will make up for it in future

A certain amount of unpaid parental leave is a legal right. You cant be fired because of this. It would be unfair dismissal

We’ve had exactly the same issue with DD when she started nursery in June. She was off nearly every week/other week and I was starting to get so worried about work! however someone on here suggested Haliborange multivitamin liquid, I started giving her it 4 weeks ago and she hasn’t been off nursery since! (This could just be a coincidence though and her immune system has built up) she’s had a couple of mild colds but no more really high temps or rashes or anything to keep her off nursery. Praying that it lasts!