Is it even possible to hold down a job when you have a toddler in nursery?!

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

My son (20 months) started nursery in March.

Since starting it has been non stop illnesses (including Covid)

Since May I have not done a full month at work (I work 3 days 9-5) because there’s always something wrong.

He’s had chest infections
Tonsillitis
Cough after cough
Temperatures

The nursery have sent him home today as he spiked a temp of 39, they gave him calpol but it wasn’t coming down much and he wasn’t well.

I’m really starting to think I’m going to get sacked with how much time I’ve had off.

Surely it’s not normal for him to be unwell so often.
It’s every few weeks now :( :(

I didn’t take all the time off they were ill though, my work allowed (and paid) for me to take reasonable time off to arrange for a some other form of childcare for the duration. I wouldn’t have had taken a week off with chicken pox for example, more like half a day to a day to arrange for some other cover (usually grandparents but I was luck to have them around). Otherwise I would have had to have taken annual leave.

Same. My toddler has been in nursery for nearly a year and I still don't think he's managed a whole week (he only goes 2 days).
I split the days off with DH or I come home early or he starts late but that only works as I do morning shifts.
It's really hard and my manager has made several pointed remarks but what can I do?
Try and split it with DH even if it's not 50/50. I think most managers (not mine) appreciate it if it's not always you off and see you are trying to be in work as much as possible.

It is hard, it took us weeks after the schools went back this September to both manage a full week in work (we have two in nursery). This year does seem particularly bad after nothing circulated last winter.

You do need to reframe your thinking about your DH's job though. Your job is also important, both for your family finances and for your own wellbeing. Of course it will be jeopardised if they realise you're consciously prioritising your DH's job over yours.

You already work a three day week. If you split the cover for those three days 50/50, he's only having to cover 1.5 days a week which is much less than many working parents.

I feel your pain too op. I’ve had my dd(4) at the dr this morning after she was up crying with tummy pain in the night for the third time in the last few days. She has been ill every week since September with coughs, colds and a sickness bug twice. She’s also been sent home twice with possible hfm but it hasn’t developed into anything. Luckily I’m on maternity leave at the moment so I can look after her but the constant bugs are spreading around all of us and I’m fed up of being ill too! We’ve already been through this when she first started nursery at 8 months (my mum helped us out a lot then as her & my dad are both retired) so it’s annoying to go through it again. Baby starts nursery in Jan so no doubt she’ll be constantly ill too!

Those years were career place marking. I held my career so it would be there later, and I am glad I did. They were not very good years for career or finances.

The first year of them being at nursery is like this i'm afraid. But after that it's rare that they are so sick that they can't go in. Just stick it out for now and know that it won't be like this forever.

There's not a lot you can do about it really. Goes with having children. When they were little DH did most of the 'sick' time and ended up using most of his annual leave for days off with them. We also had the benefit of my parents nearby but they had their own work to do but still helped out on occasion.

Your DH needs to do his share. His income shouldn't come in to it. It's not fair on your employer or your work colleagues that you are always off.

Yep same position here! DS is 2.5 and we do get some stretches now where it’s all ok, defo better than it was, but still one a month or so there’s an illness issue. I only work 3 days and it always starts on those days!
I’ve been in tears about it plenty.

I get reassured by friends that it does get better and being at nursery stands them in good stead for starting school.

You’re not alone and it’s grim!

And quite honestly I think covid means they get sent home now when ordinarily they wouldn’t (such as a bit of a cough or temp)

It wasn’t my experience of having 3 kids in Creche/nursery, they were rarely sick. We seem to be unusual in that respect!

I’m s/e so it’s ok but I’ve thought this. I’ve wondered if the rate has increased this year as it seems more frequent, post lockdowns etc

Of course it is. Though in my experience they find any excuse going for you to have to go back and pick your child/ten up.
I imagine Covid over reactions have made this considerably worse.

Honestly, keep going. After the first year you'll have a child with a practically bomb-proof immune system. My DS was hardly ever off nursery/primary/secondary once he got through that first year at nursery.

I’ve had the same (year 1). Missed out on developing immunity last winter and is now off for the third time this term. Have to get a PCR test for coughs, is currently off with a sickness bug and a cough.

I can empathise.

DS2 went to nursery at 9 months old.
I was 3 days a week for a few months (using accrued leave) and then up to 4.
He had conjunctivitis (didn't need to exclude, but he was a pathetic little thing so kept him home).
Suspected chicken pox.
A couple of stomach upsets.
Cold after cold.

And then my Mum died.

It was a grim time.

DS1 didn't catch so much - might have been luck or because DS2 started in January. I'll never know.

I hope you have an understanding employer.
I had an unsupportive husband (now ex).

It seems really intense when you're going through it, but when you think about it in the context of your whole career, it's a short period.

No advice just solidarity. I've got a 3 year old and a 17 month old. Supposedly I work full time but I've barely done a full week recently let alone a month! Currently at home with DC2 who has a chest infection
Our nursery is still demanding a Covid PCR for any cough or temp - then neither DC can attend until a negative result comes back. No family nearby - DH does take time off too but there's been so much recently that we are currently both in trouble at work over it

Hey OP, it's incredibly hard, I have had similar with DD having one thing after the other.
She's been miserable and we've been stressed and unwell with it too.
Our only saving grace was splitting it between me and DH, and my parents helping out with odd days as they've had time off which ends soon. Otherwise I'm not sure how we'd have coped as I've just come back from a year off Mat leave and am part time so could tell work we're getting annoyed.

Not sure what the answer is for you though OP, it's bloody hard.

I’m in the same boat. All our annual leave is going on covering illness. I’ve not worked a full month in a year.
We’re off today with a temp and conjunctivitis. It’s the 13th day we’ve missed in 6 weeks (she had Covid in Oct). It’s so hard as we have no family help and can’t afford a nanny. DH does half of it but it’s still a lot of time off.

The first year is definitely like this! Hopefully other than chicken pox! We had a fairly ok time since!!
Both my children (pre- covid) near enough 100% attendance. Since going back after covid they have picked up tonsillitis/ colds/ coughs grhhhhhh

I found it so difficult. When my son went to nursery I was constantly having to take time off and then I would get ill and have to drag myself in like the living dead so as not to piss off my employer even more. In the end I quit and retrained for a job where I could be self employed and choose my own hours. The best decision I ever made if that is an option for you.

DS attended nursery from 2 years old and was only ever off sick once with chicken pox. Maybe it's worse at the moment because we've had less exposure to illness?

The less exposure thing doesn’t add up with my DGS, he’s seen his step-siblings (primary age) every weekend since birth, he started nursery at 2 in August, just 2 days a week and has been pretty much continously ill since! Then I’ve come down with it as I have him Mondays and Fridays.
Noro was 1st, then HFM, then a chest infection, then conjunctivitis and he’s still a bit snotty and coughing. DD is a teacher so can’t take any time off, her partner car shares so can’t do early pick ups, it’s a good job I have no life!

It’s not impossible. But there were several years where I used up all my holidays and DH used up all his holidays taking turns being home with a sick child. Then when they were in FT school, it shifted to using our holidays and day camps to cover school holidays.