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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bit OTT here?

54 replies

LookItsMeAgain · 10/11/2021 10:57

I'll start this off by saying that DS is 19 and is in college (which he gets himself to/from without requiring lifts) and he has a part time job.
Lockdown has been pretty shitty to him and his classmates (from secondary school to college as he had to do all of 1st year remotely).

So I do have sympathy for the past couple of years but we all had to endure lockdown in our own ways.

This is also not a thread about lockdown.

Now that we're coming out the other side, DS is socialising with his friends more and more which is a good thing.

This is where my AIBU is.

I bought a case of beer. Beer that I like to drink. I had a few bottles of it in the fridge and DS asked if he could bring this beer to a friends house. I said that he could, if he replenished the beer. This was about a week ago.
Last night he was going out and I mentioned that he could replenish the beer today as he has no lectures and no shifts for his work, so essentially has the day off. He said he had bought more. I said I didn't see it. He said he bought different beer to restock it. Beer I don't drink. I don't like the taste of it.

My question is should he go out today and buy the beer that he took of mine that I bought that I like to drink or should I just accept that he has bought 'beer' and it's of no consequence whether I like it or not.

YABU - He doesn't need to get the exact brand of beer that I like to replenish what he took, he's bought beer, be happy with that!
YANBU - He took your beer so should replace with the same brand of beer.

OP posts:
xxxGirlCrushxxx · 10/11/2021 10:59

Give the poor kid a break fgs!!!

What a drama!

HollowTalk · 10/11/2021 10:59

I wouldn't have expected to see that beer again in any shape or form!

Starcaller · 10/11/2021 11:01

I think that next time he knows to get like for like so I'd just be gracious about this time!

raintropics · 10/11/2021 11:02

YANBU - He can have the beer he bought you and replace the one he took with the same brand. I wouldn't make it a big deal though. Definitely not something worth arguing about.

tocas · 10/11/2021 11:02

Yabu just ask him to buy beer you like the next time I couldn't get worked up over this.

CounsellorTroi · 10/11/2021 11:04

YANBU. You bought that beer for yourself. You let him have it. He should have replaced it with what he took, not with any old beer.

Lavender24 · 10/11/2021 11:05

Unless you're skint I'd just let it go.

minou123 · 10/11/2021 11:07

Im kind of with you on this one LookItsMeAgain

I've had similar but with my dad. He took and drank a bottle of my favourite whiskey and promised to replace it.

But, he bought a bottle of Famous Grouse which I don't like.

To me it's the same as not replacing it at all because I won't drink the Famous Grouse.

girlmom21 · 10/11/2021 11:08

He needs to replace it like for like. That was the agreement.

traka · 10/11/2021 11:10

It should be replaced with a brand you drink in future

Anycolourwilldo · 10/11/2021 11:13

I think you need to let this go. I wouldn't expect to see it again.
I mean, it's a bit 'Teenage boy drinks mum's beer shocker!' headline parody.

Elieza · 10/11/2021 11:18

I’d suggest he keeps that beer for himself as he knows you don’t drink it, and replaces yours like for like next payday.

I’m the meantime buy your own to keep you going. And if he asks to borrow it I’d refuse saying only once you replace my xxx beer can you borrow any of it.

Good lesson for him to learn. Buying cheap beer to replace dear stuff = no advantage as he still has to buy the dear beer anyway and gets stuck with the cheapo stuff. Grin

Darkstar4855 · 10/11/2021 11:26

Well yes he should replace it with the same one but is it really a big enough deal to warrant an AIBU post?

girlmom21 · 10/11/2021 11:31

@Darkstar4855

Well yes he should replace it with the same one but is it really a big enough deal to warrant an AIBU post?
Well at least she's actually asking if she's being unreasonable rather than 'posting for traffic because isn't getting enough replies'.

Given the differing views here, I'd say that actually, yes, her listing here is justified.

Who are you? The thread police?

Original poster
LookItsMeAgain · 10/11/2021 11:32

@Darkstar4855

Well yes he should replace it with the same one but is it really a big enough deal to warrant an AIBU post?
Well, DS thought I was being unreasonable about my expectations that he argued with me about it last night. I didn't think I was being unreasonable last night when he told me he had replaced it (but with the beer that I don't drink). So I was looking to collective minds of MN to ask if I was being unreasonable or OTT or not.

I do appreciate the responses that have been posted. It appears that I am not unreasonable to have expected replacing like with like this time, I should let it go this time but if he asks again, I should say no because he replaced my beer with cheaper stuff that I don't drink so I ended up subsidising his night out.

That's a measured and reasonable expectation.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 10/11/2021 11:39

OP

Your son sounds ok to me.

I have been in this position where they have taken a crate of beer and never replaced it.
The fact he even thought to replace it shows he is a good egg.

Leave it.

Courtier · 10/11/2021 11:41

I'd get over it. I'm still waiting for my sister to replace the Champagne I was bought for my 18th. I'm 26. 😂😂

PinkFizz1 · 10/11/2021 11:53

@xxxGirlCrushxxx

Give the poor kid a break fgs!!!

What a drama!

Kid? He’s a 19 year old man 😂

He should replace what he took like for like. I couldn’t imagine taking a bottle of white wine from someone and replacing it with a red, for example.

LettertoHermoine · 10/11/2021 11:54

He took a few bottle! Not the crate! Jesus let it go.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 10/11/2021 12:15

I couldn't get worked up over my kid having a few bottles of my beer. I'd let it slide, so yes, you are being OTT.

HollowTalk · 10/11/2021 13:20

I agree with you though - I'd be angry he replaced it with cheaper beer that you don't want to drink. I think I would want a bank transfer if he asks again.

WitchDancer · 10/11/2021 13:24

I would be telling him to replace it like for like definitely. You bought beer for yourself, he took it and therefore it should be replaced with what you like. Anything else means you loose out.

bigbeautwoman · 10/11/2021 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

freelions · 10/11/2021 13:32

Unless there is a back story I think you are being a bit OTT yes

Does your DS know that you only drink 1 specific brand of beer?

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 10/11/2021 13:35

What the fuck is wrong with you @bigbeautwoman Hmm

@LookItsMeAgain I actually agree with PP that he is a 19yr old man and needs to act responsibly - I would expect the same behaviour as he would do in a shared flat (replacing anything he has borrowed with same not an inferior. This extends to things like cleaning up after himself too!)

In RL I would probably myself let it go as it wouldn't be that important to me - but if it's important to you he should respect it.

We need the set bar high for our young men - how many posts do you see here about fucking useless partners and husbands?

I bet if you replaced DS with DH, MN wouldn't say let it go, they would say tell him to get his thoughtless lazy arse back to the shop before you LTB Smile

(Aibu that I really want to test that theory now Grin)