Unsure if I should tell my husband!

[Jammydodge2]

Hello guys, I need to tell my husband something but I'm unsure if I should because of the potential backlash!

So a little back story, my husbands younger sister was bullied at school for a good 5 months, she never mentioned to anyone that she was being bullied, until the day she ended up in hospital because she tried to take her own life, my father in law at the time was in the military, and when he found out who the boy was, he went to pay the family home a visit, after he had gone to the house the boy never bullied my husband's sister again!

So this is my dilemma, our own child had been getting bullied, but between me and my husband we decided to try and let the school deal with it! We had a meeting with the head, and at the end of the meeting my husband said to the head, if the school doesn't deal with the bullying, he will sort it himself!

Fast forward a few months, and the school seemed to have dealt with it, our child had told us the boy hasn't done or said anything to him! Until today, I had to pick our child up from school early because he was complaining he felt sick, I picked him up and he seemed fine, until we got home, and he broke down and said the boy has been bullying him again for about a week now!

So now I'm sat here contemplating telling my husband, because he is a man of his word, and he will go to this boys house and confront the parents, we have argued about this before, but he simply reminds me about his sister and how his dad had dealt with it!

My husband is not a violent man, I would describe him as a gentle giant, he is a soft touch with me and the kids, but he is very protective! He does boxing 3 days a week at the gym, so knows how to handle himself!

Just worried about the backlash from the school and possible police

I will also say here that in teaching over 25 years and not once has any parent including the posher middle class ones ever accepted that their child was bring a bully. Strange that considering all the stuff on here..

Years ago my DS (whose now 28 but was about 8) was regularly bullied by another boy a year older. This went on and on and in the end after the latest incident my DH stormed down to the park and shouted out the kid in front of all the other children and parents.

Never happened again but someone told the child’s mother as she called me, apologising and wishing that we had spoken to her first.

Ironically many years later that child is the brother of his best friend, and the parents are like family.

Let your DH go to the house.

My hot headed friend cornered her sons bully in a corner shop and told him to leave her son alone or else! It worked her little lad never had any trouble again. Could have massively back fired but she’s very impulsive. Her son was a tiny year 7 being picked on by a thuggish year 9.

@Lilymossflower

And if the bully’s father is also a tall strong man. Perhaps even more so?
All these women on here acting like the world isn’t full of strong men some more than happy to engage in confrontation and their husband is Chuck Norris or something and feared by all.

OP has kept telling us her husband can handle himself physically but the key thing is whether he can handle himself emotionally.

Going round to have a word with the bully's parents is fair enough when you feel the proper channels have failed. I'll take the OP's word that her husband isn't going to start any violence himself. But if the bully's parents kick off, will he be able to de-escalate or to walk away without throwing any punches himself? Descending into a physical fight would defeat the entire point of sorting it out in person like a mature adult.

[quote Megalameg]@Lilymossflower

And if the bully’s father is also a tall strong man. Perhaps even more so?
All these women on here acting like the world isn’t full of strong men some more than happy to engage in confrontation and their husband is Chuck Norris or something and feared by all.[/quote]
That’s probably why her friend cornered the bully in a shop rather than at his house. But it just goes to show how desperate the parents of bullied kids can get especially when the victims become suicidal or start self harming as a result. As a mum myself I would risk getting beaten up if it meant saving my child.

@Ozanj

I’m not saying your totally wrong and the parents 100% shouldn’t be confronted, but depending on where the kid goes to school and how much you know about the parents this could easily be a terrible idea. I’d do a social media search first, if they seem like reasonably normal stable people ok - but I know some of the kids I went to school with who had a lot of problems in some cases had violent and dangerous parents (especially the fathers), who wouldn’t think twice (actually they wouldn’t think at all) before flying violently off the handle. And it probably wouldn’t end at the one confrontation either.

I’m just saying, regardless of whether or not my husband can “handle himself”, I’m living in the real world and I’d rather he not get in a potentially dangerous confrontation with a criminal type who didn’t care about breaking the law which could impact us all (including the child).

Unless it’s a very prestigious school there is likely to be kids with parents like that there. What if the kids father is a bikie or a gang member of some kind? Who knows? What if the kids mother is a psycho bitch that starts showing up at the school and abusing the kid?

As a mum myself I would risk getting beaten up if it meant saving my child.

I agree with this. Yes the bullies family might be a bit rough. That might be why the school aren't willing to address the issue head on, but if this was my child being bullied it wouldn't phase me knowing who or what the parents are.

@girlmom21

As a mum myself I would risk getting beaten up if it meant saving my child.

I agree with this. Yes the bullies family might be a bit rough. That might be why the school aren't willing to address the issue head on, but if this was my child being bullied it wouldn't phase me knowing who or what the parents are.

You wouldn't change anything though. If they're the type of people who are going to tell you to fuck off or they'll punch your lights out, you'll achieve nothing. If they're willing and able to change their kid's behaviour, they'll do it when the school asks.

I can't see a way in which it would help to go round to their house.

@Itsnotdeep

If a big burly man came to my house to threaten me, I'd call the police. No matter what my child was accused of.

Horrible behaviour- how would that achieve anything

Who said 'threaten'?

Going round to have a word with the parents of a bully isn't 'threatening'

@ThirdElephant you'll be surprised. A lot of 'rougher' families will defend their child to the hilt to anyone who questions them but as soon as that person leaves they'll tell the child to never bring trouble to their door again.

[quote girlmom21]@ThirdElephant you'll be surprised. A lot of 'rougher' families will defend their child to the hilt to anyone who questions them but as soon as that person leaves they'll tell the child to never bring trouble to their door again.[/quote]
A lot may, but I work in what's considered a rough area and it's been known for street fights to start (and continue, escalating over a period of weeks) over stuff like this. It's a matter of honour and family pride- if they've not got the manpower in the immediate family, uncles and cousins get involved. We've had groups of teens tracking down primary school kids over this stuff. It can get really nasty.

Personally, I wouldn't risk it.

Forget letting the school deal with it. It will just end up being a cyclical pattern.

Your husband will be able to put a stop to it, straight away, and Bully Boy Billy will be a thing of the past.

Sometimes, you have to go straight to the source. I know I did, a few times, and it worked!