AIBU to not want to move house

[Justnotsureaboutit2021]

DH wants us to move, I am really unsure. Hoping that some wisdom from MNetters may sway my thoughts!

We have two children aged 6 and 3, DH works full time, I have just set up a part-time consulting business doing 3 days a week. Youngest is in preschool 3 days a week. Any move would not impact their school/nursery as we'd be moving to any one of the villages in the vicinity of where we live now. However, I am so unsure about the prospect of it all.

DH's pro's for moving are (which I agree with):
-bigger garden for the kids, We currently have a postage stamp of lawn which is terraced so impossible for kids to play outside. We always have to go out if they want to play whcih is really hard work, especially in the summer/weekends
-youngest has a tiny bedroom, Fine for a 3 year old, will be an issue when he is older
-we both work from home and there is no office space for either of us so we use bedrooms instead/dining room table
-we live on a busy road
-our neighbours are starting to be really pedantic about some silly things so it would be great to move away from them!
-our house has been valued at a very decent amount. We have done a lot of work on it so we can afford the move

My cons for the move are:

• our house has lovely, open views front and back. I am concerned we will end up very overlooked with no privacy whcih is really important to me

-not wishing to brag but our house is really nice inside. I spent alot of money and time pre-kids doing it up. It is exactly how I want it, easy to look after, easy on the eye but very comfortable. I am concerned that for a number of years we will live in a house that is in a bit of state and not enough money or time (due to young family) to do it up. I am not good with complete chaos and my home is a real sanctuary for me mentally.

• I am really concerned that I won't settle in a new area, despite me knowing those areas really well.
• I feel quite overwhelmed about the whole house move process. It's alot of work from start to finish and with the busyness of family life, my new business and DH's recent promotion, I am just not sure I have it within me to also include a house move in all of this. Even the thought of getting the house 'picture perfect' for the estate agent's brochure feels overwhelming.

This is likely to be our last move for the next 20 years or so and so feels like a mega important choice to make. I am not sure if that's why I am struggling with it so much. i can see the pro's, I get the con's yet I am still completely on the fence as to what to do about the situation.

AIBU to insist to DH that this idea is taken off the table until I am 100% sure this is the right choice for us?

YABU, as I don't think it will ever be a time to be '100% certain'

Yes, moving is stressful, but so is trying to wfh without a dedicated space.
If you can afford it, then moving to a home with a larger garden and room for dedicated workspace would make your life less stressful in the long term.
IMO it is worth short term pain for long term gain.

Your pros seem to outweigh the cons. The cons look like things you can combat by choosing right in the first place

You could at least go and look. You’re worried about things that might not happen or can be avoided (not being over looked/having to do a lot of work..).

YABU

Your motives are basically you feel too cosy to move and don’t want to bother. Moving is stressful but the pros largely outweigh the cons

Yup, short term pain for long term gain. You could at least look and see what's out there - you might be very very glad you did.

The tiny garden, too-small 3rd bedroom, and bad neighbour are all good enough reasons on their own to move, and think how much nicer your life would be with an actual dedicated work space?!

YABU. You sound really resistant to change. This is a move to the next village across not a change of continent...

YABU.
Basically pros: space, garden, room for the family to live, work and play.
Cons: you might need to redecorate and might not have as nice views.
You already said you would move to a nearby village so no change in nursery etc so you won't really need to resettle as you can still see the same friends, go to the same shops, parks etc.
Just go look at some potential houses.

YABU, it's sounds very sensible to move.You might be someone who can't cope with change and need time to adjust or you could just be overwhelmed at the moment. Are you a perfectionist?

If you are a "I don't do change" person that's very difficult to live with so be kind to your DH as it will be highly frustrating.

YABU your house sounds nice and valued well - you don't need to make it a chore to make it 'picture perfect"

If he wants to move then fhe deal is he sorts the moving process - the mortgage, solicitor, estate agent and books viewings because that's your compromise since you're not totally up for it.

You might fancy a new build where all the work has been done so you don't need to spend years living in a tip.

Moving house can be so stressful. Break it down into chunks. Your pro reasons all sound very sensible and useful. Don’t think about the hypothetical future problems with a new house - that’s several stages from where you are now. Just think about getting the estate agent pictures done only. That’s all you need to think about - the next small step and the logistics required to achieve it. Kids go and stay with a family member that day? Get a cleaner in to help? Then once that’s done it’ll be a weight off your mind. Onto the next step. I am at a similar stage in the process and am am overthinker so I get it, I really do. But change doesn’t happen without change. It’ll be a few months / years of adjustment for long term gain.

I can really empathise with you, OP, as I’m also not good with even minor chaos! However, in this case you need to concentrate on the pros and insist that if any work needs to be done, the cost is factored into the moving process so that it can be completed quickly.
TBH the fact that you’ll be gaining office space (so you can close the door on your work) as well as enough bedroom space for growing and grown children should be worth double the cons alone.
Good luck - I’m sure you’ll be much happier once you decide to start looking💐🍀

I think you should view some places. You might be surprised or find somewhere you LOVE or see nothing of interest at all. For me the pros of your list outweigh the cons xo

You need to move by the sound of it - tiny bedroom for child and no dedicated WFH space are not sustainable.

If you both agree on the area, then I think do it!

We are hoping to move, but we can't agree where to move to, so are at a stalemate 🤨

Once I convince dh my area is best, we'll be gone! We are also both working from home although we do each have dedicated office space, we need another living space for when our DC are older.

Yabu. Why would a move entail living in chaos? You can buy a house that is fully done you know!

I think it’s too much for you to contemplate right now because you’re just setting up your business. Postpone the decision for 6-12 months.

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s too much for you to contemplate right now because you’re just setting up your business. Postpone the decision for 6-12 months.

This is a sensible compromise.

I agree with PP that your pro's definitely appear to outweigh the cons.

I know moving to a new house will feel like starting again when you clearly love your current home so much, but think of the positives.

Remember in the Summer when the kids were being a pain because they couldn't play in the garden. Think about how nice it would be to have a bigger space you could just let them loose in!

Go and have a look. It sounds like you can afford to be slightly picky. Set a list of non-negotiables for a new house, i.e. bigger garden, not being overlooked, etc, and go in with open eyes, not looking for the negatives in each.

Yes, moving can be stressful, but initially it's just dealing with and following up with solicitors. The move itself is a pain but budget for a decent removal company to pack for you and do the move - it takes so much stress off of it.

Do the move!

YANBU.
It's too much for you right now.
Suggest you continue to research houses but plan to move in 1-2 years time. There is no rush.

Without wanting to turn this into a man-bashing thread, would a woman be pushing her husband to move home while he’s in the throes of setting up a new business? His timing is bad. Deliberate? Or just thoughtless?

I was going to say move, but postpone it a little bit until business is up and running and kids slightly older. If you can’t handle it now, you can’t.

I'd also move but it might be delayed anyway if your business is currently too new to count towards your mortgage

The pros massively out-weigh the cons imo. Especially the one about the garden - it’s so lovely to have space for kids to play outside. I would set a timescale for moving, maybe when the little one starts school. However, if you’re moving to a village wouldn’t it be better for the kids to go to the village school rather than travel? So I’m actually thinking it might be better to move now.

Well I would check out the school situation and make a list of essentials for you in terms of new property, things that can be compromised on, and start looking around simply to get a feel for the housing market. We moved when DS was 3 but it took us 18 months of looking / putting in offers to secure somewhere suitable.

Personally a bigger garden is a nice idea but frankly unless you have the money to buy loads of equipment you will end up at the park anyway IME. Also by the time children are 7/8 they prefer to go to the park with their mates, play on the football field etc.

Would extending/reconfiguring your current house be an option to get a bigger bedroom / office space?