AIBU to not want to move house

[Justnotsureaboutit2021]

DH wants us to move, I am really unsure. Hoping that some wisdom from MNetters may sway my thoughts!

We have two children aged 6 and 3, DH works full time, I have just set up a part-time consulting business doing 3 days a week. Youngest is in preschool 3 days a week. Any move would not impact their school/nursery as we'd be moving to any one of the villages in the vicinity of where we live now. However, I am so unsure about the prospect of it all.

DH's pro's for moving are (which I agree with):
-bigger garden for the kids, We currently have a postage stamp of lawn which is terraced so impossible for kids to play outside. We always have to go out if they want to play whcih is really hard work, especially in the summer/weekends
-youngest has a tiny bedroom, Fine for a 3 year old, will be an issue when he is older
-we both work from home and there is no office space for either of us so we use bedrooms instead/dining room table
-we live on a busy road
-our neighbours are starting to be really pedantic about some silly things so it would be great to move away from them!
-our house has been valued at a very decent amount. We have done a lot of work on it so we can afford the move

My cons for the move are:

• our house has lovely, open views front and back. I am concerned we will end up very overlooked with no privacy whcih is really important to me

-not wishing to brag but our house is really nice inside. I spent alot of money and time pre-kids doing it up. It is exactly how I want it, easy to look after, easy on the eye but very comfortable. I am concerned that for a number of years we will live in a house that is in a bit of state and not enough money or time (due to young family) to do it up. I am not good with complete chaos and my home is a real sanctuary for me mentally.

• I am really concerned that I won't settle in a new area, despite me knowing those areas really well.
• I feel quite overwhelmed about the whole house move process. It's alot of work from start to finish and with the busyness of family life, my new business and DH's recent promotion, I am just not sure I have it within me to also include a house move in all of this. Even the thought of getting the house 'picture perfect' for the estate agent's brochure feels overwhelming.

This is likely to be our last move for the next 20 years or so and so feels like a mega important choice to make. I am not sure if that's why I am struggling with it so much. i can see the pro's, I get the con's yet I am still completely on the fence as to what to do about the situation.

AIBU to insist to DH that this idea is taken off the table until I am 100% sure this is the right choice for us?

Your pros are really strong but moving is hard work for all of the reasons you say.

Who would take the burden of the move logistics and settling in the new house? Do you find that the house, kids and setting up your new business / career all falls to you while your DH carries on his life as before, directing changes that fall into place around him... yes.. I am projecting!!! and it left me burnt out, depressed, exhausted and refusing to move again while not being 100% happy with where we are... not a good place to be.

YABU

* Your motives are basically you feel too cosy to move and don’t want to bother. Moving is stressful but the pros largely outweigh the cons*

^This

I think you are massively over thinking this - look to see if there is something you prefer to move to and if you can't find anything stay where you are.

Neighbours would be a huge issue for me, ours are awful.. You mentioned yours are getting pedantic, in what way?

YABU.

Honestly, we’ve just moved - our kids are 12, 12 and 10. The ten year old was in a box room that was only wide enough to fit a bed and the twins shared. No garden just a concrete yard. Not sure I understand your ‘we’ve got a garden but can’t use it’ but not really relevant. We were in negative equity for a long time so we couldn’t move - once we were in a position to we had to balance proximity to workplace and two schools.

Do it now while you have more flexibility. You can still easily move schools if your perfect house is a bit too far away - it’ll be much harder once both kids are at school or like us at different schools. Work goes on around a move - you don’t really ‘do’ much until the actual moving day - and I would heavily suggest you get movers to do it for you!

You might start looking and not move for years and years when you find the perfect place - but its only after looking that you will both build up a clear picture of what you want and don't want and what is a fair price.

YABU living along a busy road, bad neighbors, no garden for the kids that’s bad enough

Change is hard and scary, I get that. However, your pros list really outweighs your cons.

The only caveat would be, would your business income even be counted towards getting a new mortgage, and would that be an issue? Maybe waiting 6-12 months would help with that.

YABU. it sounds like a lot of the pros will benefit your kids and the family as a home- bigger bedroom for your youngest, more room to play outside, more space for working in- whereas your cons are really mostly about you and your feelings about moving and decorating.

Having more space and a bigger garden isn't all that it's cracked up to be. More space to clean. More space to get filled up with junk. Gardens need maintaining. Sometimes getting up and out is the best thing to do anyway. I say all of this because I live in a box and have really learned to appreciate it.

Neighbors can be shit wherever you move to. You could end up with even shittier ones.

But as others said, taking a look won't harm you. It's also a family decision and I wouldn't force the rest of my family to live in a place they weren't happy.

I would put some strong conditions on what living in a bigger place means. I wouldn't want to be saddled with all the extra maintenance.

It looks like your pros massively outweigh the cons. Your current house is not suitable for your family's future needs.

All the cons relate to you and all the pros are for the family. I think you could go and look at some house’s and then have a rethink

The 'cons' are all about you, it seems the whole family would gain by moving to a bigger house.

You can move and make the new house as beautiful as the old one.

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s too much for you to contemplate right now because you’re just setting up your business. Postpone the decision for 6-12 months.

Agree with this.

Your other reasons are valid but could be overcome if you find the right new house. But you need the time and energy and right now it makes sense for that to be going on your new business.

I would also think very carefully about the school run and discuss who is going to do it if you live further out (as sounds likely). Same for any regular errands needed.

DH wanted to move. I was resistant as we had a baby and had literally just finished decorating. I’d also moved three times for his work already.

We moved. The house is much better for our family. We have great indoor and outdoor space for the family and working from home. The location is better.

We are all so much happier. Especially me. I’m so glad DH pushed for a move at the right time.

I will say we threw money at moving and paid for a packing service

In your shoes I would move. A more practical garden, bigger bedroom and dedicated work space are all very sensible reasons to move.

Your cons can be pretty much mitigated by choosing the next place carefully so that it ticks as many boxes as possible.

@user1493494961

The 'cons' are all about you, it seems the whole family would gain by moving to a bigger house.

thanks everyone for your thoughts and ideas. Very thought provoking, especially the above post. I can see that it would benefit the whole family including me to have more space. Our garden is so impractical that the thought of flinging open some patio doors in the summer to a larger, flatter space fill with me joy! I think the main issue which some of these comments have picked up on is that I do feel very comfortable with our current home and it actually feels quite overwhelming to walk away from that and potentially have to start again creating something similar. I do love the process of creating a home however, have never done so with two youngish kids and a new business in tow. I know I will find the time somewhere to get cracking on it as I enjoy it so much but the thought of doing it with everything else on my plate does feel overwhelming. Good point from the poster who said that we could buy house with minimal work needing to be done. I think i have assumed we would get a bit of a project as we have always done but maybe this time we need to get something different. DH will get involved although does need chivvying up on stuff sometimes as organisation is not his forte albeit he comes into his own when looking after the kids so we do have a balance there as i am very detailed orientated. I think ultimately i need to get my head around the idea that there needs to be some upheaval in the short term but in the long term it should all be worth it. Great to hear from others who were in the same boat and have come out the other side! I will definitely ensure we get packers in, we don't have loads of stuff but I know neither of us will manage to pack what we do have whilst working and looking after the children. Unfortunately no grandparents around to help but plenty of friends who I am sure could assist for a day or so when the time comes to actually move. The other problem I have is the housing market! Not much stock around at the moment so perhaps the posters who suggested waiting 6 or so months due to my new business are on to something.

I would check with your current lender to see what the rules are on self employment. Most won’t accept the income until you have two years of accounts. Not all lenders are the same of course but they are generally more risk averse for self employment.

Oooooh i think yab a bit u.
Your reasons seem very fluffy /insubstantial.
Its a bit cringe to say it but when we sold our last place it was very much a "lifestyle" property. People were generally a bit stunned when they visited (part of this was room proportion/ceilings etc.). It was fairly tastefully styled and easy to maintain. I loved it and was a bit nervous about what i was "losing" in the move. Our new place ultimately looks not tooo dissimilar as it has all the same furniture (i actually think the "new rooms" look better) but we now have a nice garden and double the sq footage.

Is the new job part of it? I'd hold off for now but start looking next easter /summer. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I'd also agree with your DH that he does the buying and selling legwork ( EAs, chasing sols etc.) so you can focus on making thr house a home as this is clearly important to you (as it is to me).

I sort of understand your fears as I am very resistant to change and it sounds like you are too.

I was really reluctant to leave our (rented) damp, mouldy basement flat because we had had such happy times there and even though we'd saved up enough for a deposit and could start house hunting (a position many people are excited to be in) I just felt like nothing else would be as good.

Of course I was wrong and I love our new house now I'm settled. Sometimes you have to take the plunge.

You should move. Nowhere for dc to play, no space for wfh, tiny bedroom for dc. It’s a no brainer for me.

Your reasons for moving are benefits for the whole
Family

Reasons for staying are purely selfish/things you want and need

YABU go for the move.

YABU. The house and garden are too small- having to go out to play will drive you mad in the long term. You can re-do the inside of the new house eventually. And I don’t think most people are ever %100 sure about moving, unless they are leaving nightmare neighbours or something- it’s about doing what seems best on balance.