AIBU to not want to move house

[Justnotsureaboutit2021]

DH wants us to move, I am really unsure. Hoping that some wisdom from MNetters may sway my thoughts!

We have two children aged 6 and 3, DH works full time, I have just set up a part-time consulting business doing 3 days a week. Youngest is in preschool 3 days a week. Any move would not impact their school/nursery as we'd be moving to any one of the villages in the vicinity of where we live now. However, I am so unsure about the prospect of it all.

DH's pro's for moving are (which I agree with):
-bigger garden for the kids, We currently have a postage stamp of lawn which is terraced so impossible for kids to play outside. We always have to go out if they want to play whcih is really hard work, especially in the summer/weekends
-youngest has a tiny bedroom, Fine for a 3 year old, will be an issue when he is older
-we both work from home and there is no office space for either of us so we use bedrooms instead/dining room table
-we live on a busy road
-our neighbours are starting to be really pedantic about some silly things so it would be great to move away from them!
-our house has been valued at a very decent amount. We have done a lot of work on it so we can afford the move

My cons for the move are:

• our house has lovely, open views front and back. I am concerned we will end up very overlooked with no privacy whcih is really important to me

-not wishing to brag but our house is really nice inside. I spent alot of money and time pre-kids doing it up. It is exactly how I want it, easy to look after, easy on the eye but very comfortable. I am concerned that for a number of years we will live in a house that is in a bit of state and not enough money or time (due to young family) to do it up. I am not good with complete chaos and my home is a real sanctuary for me mentally.

• I am really concerned that I won't settle in a new area, despite me knowing those areas really well.
• I feel quite overwhelmed about the whole house move process. It's alot of work from start to finish and with the busyness of family life, my new business and DH's recent promotion, I am just not sure I have it within me to also include a house move in all of this. Even the thought of getting the house 'picture perfect' for the estate agent's brochure feels overwhelming.

This is likely to be our last move for the next 20 years or so and so feels like a mega important choice to make. I am not sure if that's why I am struggling with it so much. i can see the pro's, I get the con's yet I am still completely on the fence as to what to do about the situation.

AIBU to insist to DH that this idea is taken off the table until I am 100% sure this is the right choice for us?

I'd sign up to Rightmove alerts now. We planned to wait 6 months, signed up to RM and our dream house came on the market a week later. That's where we live now!

We moved to somewhere bigger but the main drawback for me has been, as you say, that we've gone from somewhere nicely decorated to an absolute state. We can't have people round. It's lonely and sad and I think the kids would rather have had a nice small house with a couple of friends to visit than a large one that no one can see.

If you've the money and time for a quick renovation it'll be alright, but if you're going to be staring at peeling wallpaper and a bathroom from a 40s horror film for the next ten years, then no.

@Idony

We moved to somewhere bigger but the main drawback for me has been, as you say, that we've gone from somewhere nicely decorated to an absolute state. We can't have people round. It's lonely and sad and I think the kids would rather have had a nice small house with a couple of friends to visit than a large one that no one can see.

If you've the money and time for a quick renovation it'll be alright, but if you're going to be staring at peeling wallpaper and a bathroom from a 40s horror film for the next ten years, then no.

Why on earth can no one see it? People are always at different stages of renovation or redecorating.

Needing to redecorate wouldn't stop me having people round. Anyway you just need to do one room at a time. Do the lounge then hey presto you have a space to welcome people.

Many thanks for everyone's comments. Since I last wrote we have instructed an estate agent and particulars are being drawn up next week. We have not yet found a property to move to but are looking. Alerts set up on rightmove and mortgage agreed in principle. I still feel very nervous about it all, definitely struggle with change as I get older, however I keep reminding myself when I get a wobble that this the best for the family now and for the foreseeable future and that I can still create my safe haven bit by bit in a new home. Thankyou to all the posters who suggested I was being too selfish. Direct but accurate- I appreciate the eye-opening honesty!

@Heronwatcher

YABU. The house and garden are too small- having to go out to play will drive you mad in the long term. You can re-do the inside of the new house eventually. And I don’t think most people are ever %100 sure about moving, unless they are leaving nightmare neighbours or something- it’s about doing what seems best on balance.

thankyou @Heronwatcher your post has really put things in perspective. On balance it is right for us to move and good to know that others who have moved are not 100% sure about it either is also comforting. Looking back I was exactly the same about our current house. I recall being very nervous about it but we soon settled and it was a great choice of location and house in the end

YABU. All of your pros massively outweigh your cons, and your cons can be avoided by just choosing the right house.

We moved to somewhere bigger but the main drawback for me has been, as you say, that we've gone from somewhere nicely decorated to an absolute state. We can't have people round

Why not? Surely friends understand that you’ve moved and haven’t finished renovating/decorating yet?

definitely struggle with change as I get older,

It's Good that you are doing it now then because it'll only get harder the older you get!

And of course you can have people round of your house isn't perfect, we only replaced our kitchen after 7 years in this house, we had many people round in the interim but it didn't matter that it wasn't to our taste & a bit shabby

I would add the good old ‘you can’t have everything’ - I always have to remind myself of that. For example, we live in a flat and would love to live in a house but in our case that would mean a bigger mortgage and me having to work more. Since I have a DC I choose to live somewhere not as great (flat) but it’s so I can spend more time with my DC. Ie I’m prioritising. My point is: your new home might not be as perfect/your style as your old one for a few years because you spend more time with your children (young DC just require more supervision/help/attention etc)/enjoy being in the garden with them/enjoy having a room for WFH but need to accept the style might not be as amazing as your old home was.. but once the DC a bit older/require a bit less of your time this should free you up to then make the house as perfect as you’d like, if that makes sense? You can’t do it all and that’s okay, prioritise what’s most important now and what’s important in a few years...