New job wants me to give a presentation and I have social anxiety

[sociallyanxiousss]

I started a new job two months ago, there is a big quarterly meeting coming up with my department and my manager has told me that he wants me to present one of my projects to show the department what I've been working on.

I am in a complete panic, my first thought was to just hand in my notice on the spot. I know that sounds dramatic, but I have suffered with this my entire life. I managed to get better at presentations at university, but being in a professional environment with colleagues I barely know (we are still mainly WFH) is so terrifying. It will be the first big in-person meeting after COVID, so most of my department's first time meeting me will be when I'm standing at the front nervously giving a presentation, really not a good first impression.

I am really upset and anxious about this. Giving presentations was not part of the job description and it seemed like it would be a good job for someone who doesn't like giving presentations. I have never even been to one of these meetings to know the kind of tone and format they take.

I just think this job isn't for me, I can't do this kind of thing. It is been an issue my entire life, I can't just snap out of it.

I had to give a presentation during my interview, but it was over Teams and with just two interviewers. I was nervous and rushed through what should have been a 10 minute presentation in 2 minutes. I still somhow got the job despite that though

Have a chat to your manager about it. Explain your issue. Maybe they could lead on the presentation and you could use it as a training opportunity. Perhaps if you could chip in with a few facts etc it may help you. As you got better giving presentations at uni you could maybe do them in a work environment given time and training. Don't quit your job. Just ask for support. Good luck xxx

Do you know what it is specifically that worries you? Is it standing up in front of people? Is it who those people are? Is it that you aren't confident in your work and what you are saying about it? It helps to break down what the worry is.
If you are worried about standing in front of people, do you have the option to stay sitting at a desk but with your computer connected to a screen, so that people are looking at the screen instead of at you (while listening to you taking).
If you are worried about the actual content, could someone help you prepare it?
Would you have the option of joining the meeting remotely and presenting through teams/zoom? Would that make it easier for you?
I fully sympathise. I once called in sick rather than give a presentation, I eventually paid to be hypnotised to help me overcome the fear.

I know it sounds so daunting op but you can do this!
Take your time, keep the speaking direct to the point.
Practise! To anyone you want, parents, partner, siblings etc.
You will find the more you do it the more your comfortable with it as per uni.

It is not worth quitting your job over, at all.
This push can do you good or if you think it's too much explain to your manager.

Can you talk to your manager or a colleague about it? (I understand that’s not easy to do either). They probably think they’re doing you a favour by giving you a chance to present.
Can you tell them that you are very anxious about presenting, but you could (if they show you the format) put some slides together for someone else to share? Maybe a colleague could share the kind of format that’s normally used for this kind of presentation.
It doesn’t have to be fancy.
Slide one - title of the project and your name
Slide two - summary of the project in a few bullet points (what is it for, why is it happening)
Slide three - project progress so far
Slide four - work coming up - next steps
Slide five - your contact details if anyone has any questions (might ward off live questions!)

Thank you for the kind comments, I expected to be told to just get on with it.

My manager is going to speak more about it with me tomorrow, and I may voice my concerns. I'm just worried it will reflect badly on me, I'm still on probation after all.

I think it's several things making me nervous. I don't know the project that well, but I know rehearsing the presentation will help with that. But I just feel really out of place in the office, there is this quite extroverted, loud and confident office culture and I just feel like I don't fit in.

I think doing it remotely would help, but I know from experience it can feel weird being remote when everyone else is there in person, but I think doing it remotely might be the better option for me.

Display some covid symptoms and do it online.Meanwhile, work on building up your confidence.

Everyone feels nervous doing presentations - you aren't the only one. The secret is to prepare in advance - know what you are going to say and practise in advance. Initially alone and then in front of a friend. Then on the day stand up and do what you practised, however much your voice shakes or you blush etc. No one will care if you look nervous as long as your message is clear. Make sure you speak slowly. Put all the words on the slides so you don't forget anything. After you've done one it will get easier. Doing a good presentation is about preparation - not confidence.

Everybody absolutely shits themselves giving presentations in new jobs. You aren't alone in feeling this way, and you can do this.

Personally I find doing stuff remotely even worse as there are no micro shifts in atmosphere/eye contact and smiling that helps you relax into it the way it can often work in person.

Go to the doctor and get prescribed propalonol it is miraculous stuff. You will still feel the nerves but your body won't go into the usual responses, sweating, shakes, etc. It has saved me many a time in my professional life.

Can you explain to your manager that you are not familiar with the tone and feel of the meetings, so whilst you’d be happy to present (buy time) you’d rather get a feel for the format and style of the meeting so you can pitch the presentation correctly.
This will give you some time to work on what you want to say, and how, and practise it…
I don’t think resigning is the answer … although I know how you feel

People saying ‘everyone gets nervous’ may not fully understand the impact social anxiety can have on presentations. It’s not the same as being nervous, it can cause a full blown panic attack/dizziness/passing out etc - you can be fully prepared and this will still happen.

I would chat to your manager OP, and also mention steps you’re taking to overcome this - some self help CBT or ideally working with a CBT therapist. I feel for you, anxiety issues are hard, but help is available and being honest is a good approach, if you’re also present solutions

CBT and hypnotherapy from a good practitioner can help you absolutely no end, don't quit your job, and don't accept that this is something you've got to just live with. It's quite a common problem and there is help out there

Honestly? I wouldn't. I don't struggle with social anxiety but I don't like groups and I detest presenting. Prepare yourself for being asked in future. For example, boss/colleagues ask you to present on x topic? Get out front and own it "I can convey this informative much better in written form" or, once you're known well in the team just jump to honesty "I don't like presenting in groups and I don't perform at my best, I'll do x instead". For now it's day both of these two your boss when you meet tomorrow. You don't have to display your anxiety, and he doesn't need to know about it.

Are you proud of the work you've been doing? Can you explain it to friends/family in a way that makes sense?

Can reframe this - instead of "making a presentation" think about it as updating colleagues on what you've ben working on. Because that is what it is.

Then think about how you're going to update: via a set of PowerPoint slides? You can time these, you can add notes, (you can hide behind the screen).

Practice, practice, practice.

Try to analyse just exactly what it is you're scared of. We are humans; we are social animals - we like to communicate with each other!

De-escalate it. And stop pathologising yourself with the blanket "social anxiety"; instead, try to work out what it is specifically that you're anxious about.

I used to be painfully embarassingly shy. I found it hard to buy things in shops until I was about 20, and as for asking a bus driver for for my bus fare ... I just couldn't do that.

Until it became necessary. And I had to take a deep breath, and steel myself to ask for what I wanted in shops, or state my destination to the bus driver loudly & clearly.

I have a friend who is anxious about entry - doorways, stepping over the entrance to a new or unfamiliar room or building. So she practices that really specifically.

Why let your life be ruled by this? As an adult, it's your responsibility to yourself, and to your self-esteem, to try to get over this, step by step. I just got sick of living in fear all the time. It wasn't logical - fear of what? Other people? Most people are kind. We are social animals - we like to communicate. Think of it that way - talking to some people who are interested in what you've been doing; you can teach them something, and communicate with them.

Talk to your manager. If I had a new starter I’d not hesitate to ask them to present, but I’d hate for them to be feeling this bad about it! I’d absolutely shift things about so you wouldn’t have to.

I think you should find a safe space to practise presentations in like Toastmasters and conquer the fear. It will really stand to you if you can learn to present and feel at ease doing so.

Go to the doctor and get propranolol. It’s the only way I can do it.

Please talk to your manager. S/he needs to know because the worry is impacting your welfare. And also in truth because if this is an important presentation they’ll want it done well.

You mention you had to do a presentation as part of the interview? Did you know that giving presentations to large audiences was part of the job?

A colleague of mine said she’d been to Toastmasters to get over the fear of public speaking. She recommended it.

This happened to me recently. I have avoided it for years and then I couldn’t avoid it anymore thanks to a lot of the team being made redundant.

I explained how it made me feel and I stuck to my guns because ultimately my mental health is worth more. I said I was happy to work on it in really tiny baby steps.

I started by speaking for 1 minute over teams with others doing the majority of the talking. I have slowly worked up to about 5 minutes.

The key I think is to be upfront and let them know that it is something you want to overcome in your own time. If the employer looks down on you then to be honest they are not a great employer and I wouldn’t want to work for them.

People saying ‘everyone gets nervous’ may not fully understand the impact social anxiety can have on presentations. It’s not the same as being nervous, it can cause a full blown panic attack/dizziness/passing out etc - you can be fully prepared and this will still happen.

Well that doesn't apply to the op though - she's done presentations before, it's just that she doesn't like doing them. Most people do not pass out from the stress. That is a very extreme reaction.
Getting propranolol prescribed is a good idea - I know a few people who do that (I'm in academia and there are a lot of introverts and shy people, but giving presentations is essential. So people are highly motivated to get over their fears and you do see a lot of nerves and realise it doesn't actually matter. May be if you work somewhere that you can opt out you only see the confident presenters)

Good advice @KaycePollard

I’m going to remember what you said, specifically

Most people are kind. We are social animals - we like to communicate. Think of it that way - talking to some people who are interested in what you've been doing; you can teach them something, and communicate with them.

Also practice practice practice has served me well many a time.

I'm just worried it will reflect badly on me, I'm still on probation after all.

If your attitude and work is good, then needing some help with doing a presentation is just not going to be something that would cause you to fail your probation. Presenting skills are much easier to acquire than lots of other things, like having a good attitude to your job and wanting to do well.

Absolutely tell your manager and accept their help.

If you think you will be too shaky to get through it, get Propanolol from your GP.

It will not make you not feel nervous, but it will eliminate any outward signs - your voice will be steady and you will appear really confident.

I love how everyone jumps to drugs as the answer. Fwiw, Propranolol made me hallucinate and didn't stop any shaking in the slightest. I wasn't on it for anxiety though, although I do have social anxiety and hate presentations.

Just talk to your supervisor and tell them that you'd struggle with it. There may be a way around it. Nobody should be forced to present something if it makes you feel terrible. Point out it's not in your job description. They can't fire you for not doing something you were never employed to do.