New job wants me to give a presentation and I have social anxiety

[sociallyanxiousss]

I started a new job two months ago, there is a big quarterly meeting coming up with my department and my manager has told me that he wants me to present one of my projects to show the department what I've been working on.

I am in a complete panic, my first thought was to just hand in my notice on the spot. I know that sounds dramatic, but I have suffered with this my entire life. I managed to get better at presentations at university, but being in a professional environment with colleagues I barely know (we are still mainly WFH) is so terrifying. It will be the first big in-person meeting after COVID, so most of my department's first time meeting me will be when I'm standing at the front nervously giving a presentation, really not a good first impression.

I am really upset and anxious about this. Giving presentations was not part of the job description and it seemed like it would be a good job for someone who doesn't like giving presentations. I have never even been to one of these meetings to know the kind of tone and format they take.

I just think this job isn't for me, I can't do this kind of thing. It is been an issue my entire life, I can't just snap out of it.

I have the same issue, just cannot do a presentations and suffer terrible anxiety from it.

I was also asked to present some things to the entire company a couple of years ago (pre-covid), after much mulling it over I sent an email to my boss and the CEO explaining how I had a phobia of presentations. It wasn't nerves or anxiety, it was beyond that and how I had tried everything from therapy to beta blockers but nothing worked.

When my manager spoke to me about it I told her that I would probably have to hand my notice in but she said not to worry and did the presentation for me.

She still brings it up in every appraisal I have and asks if I want training but the truth is that I am just not interested in them, whilst I am not ambitious I know that I'm good at my job and every time I just tell her that if a 5 minute presentation is more important to the company than the 40 hours of work I do each week then it's time for me to leave. She always then backs off.

Propanolol defo works. I just ordered it from one of those websites where an 'online GP' reviews your request. Basically just a load of questions to cover their back.

What always helps me is to get the audience involved ASAP to break the ice. Could you maybe ask everybody to do a quick introduction or maybe have some sort of question?

OP this is me. I cant do it either I get heart palpatations, hyperventilate and I dont care what people say if you cant you cant.

I told my boss, and he was absolutely fine and now he always does the presentations and I chip in the odd 1 liner.

If you fob yourself out of it this time what happens the next time. Be truthful, it will be a huge lift off your shoulders

OP, I'm like you. I detest doing presentations and I get so nervous and shake, and my heart pounds. Weirdly I'm a teacher but presenting is entirely different and I just can't stand the stress of it. I find practising over and over again really helps do you can do it almost on autopilot.

I think you need to learn to do it, you have had some good tips on this thread. Being able to give a presentation is a fairly essential skill in any professional role. I used to really hate doing it. Did some courses, got some practice, now I'm better but I still don't love it.

It is very likely that being asked to present is a vote of confidence- your manager thinks you can do this and that others will want to hear what you say. Lots of good advice in this thread, although I'm a bit surprised by all the propranolol recommendations- definitely speak to your manager, maybe put slides together for them as an alternative, if you might be able to do it dry run with close colleagues? Best of luck.

Why have these presentations become a thing?

Who benefits from them?

It's normal to be nervous, even those who make a living from presenting, lecturing or being on stage can be very anxious beforehand, my ex included.

If you get the material correct, write down what you want to say and practice it will be okay, you'll feel very anxious prior but elated afterwards. Presentations aren't easy but the first is the worst

@FlorenciaFlora

Why have these presentations become a thing?

Who benefits from them?

From my experience it's come from the 'tech/media world', along with 'Agile' and the need to 'workshop' or 'retro' absolutely every single process or thing a company does. Seems to just be the way working culture is going - trying to foster the work is your family culture and being passionate about it. Also:

• More extroverted and confident people getting into senior management positions partly due to the above. A lack of empathy on their part in many cases too I've found as a lot of extroverts cannot understand why social anxiety or phobias of presentations can be crippling to others.

• Leadership teams being made up of people who went to private school and have this kind of thing engrained in them through their schooling.

• Middle managers, team leaders and department heads wanting to justify their positions to those above them by constantly getting their team to do presentations and standups which is a job in itself to organise and put together. The need to be seen really.

• Doing presentations to the entire company rather than just a room of 5-10 people who it's actually relevant to now seems to be more common too. Part of the whole 'company = family' thing I think.

I realise that's a lot of stereotyping but just what I have seen over the last decade or so in the companies that I've worked for. I know my boss resents me for not wanting to do them but it's something I'm just not really capable of doing without negatively impacting my mental health in a pretty bad way. I can be more productive than two members of staff doing the same job as me but ultimately always feel as though I am judged not wanting to do a presentation to people who don't really care what the admin department is working on.

@FlorenciaFlora

Why have these presentations become a thing?

Who benefits from them?

In my personal experience, they are no more a new thing than they were 20 years ago when I started at work. Same as ever. It’s just a way of sharing what is going on with others who might benefit from knowing about it?!

This was me but a few years in Nigeria (country if the impromptu speech) cured me. If you just do it enough it really does get better.

I know exactly how you feel OP. This was me. This is still me. I’ve turned down promotions, job offers and interviews because of it. Refused awards because it meant having to speak in front of people and say thank you - even just in front of colleagues. Called in sick to avoid presentations. The full works. Then I was finally faced with one I couldn’t get out of.

So I drank a vodka and lemonade before I did it Not professional (though not really any different to the suggestions of drugs that PPs have suggested above IMO), possibly sackable, but no harm done, just one single drink to take the edge and the nerves off and to help me relax, I’m not talking about getting shitfaced-slurring-over-your-words-stumbling-over drunk, and I got through it. I actually quite enjoyed doing it once I’d started . After the event I still don’t like doing them and still avoid them whenever I can and still turn down jobs that put this as part of the job description, but for that one presentation, it worked for me, and I got excellent feedback from my manager who said I did a great job.

There's a great storyline in a series called 'we are ladyparts', that deals with this, might be worth a watch

I’m a lecturer so present a lot, and I also teach presentation skills to students. Here are a few tips:

Reframe the presentation. Consider it an opportunity to show off your knowledge. You know this work better than everyone else.

Make sure you do know your topic inside out.

My slides usually work something like this:

What it is and why it’s important (context)
What we did (methodology)
What we found (findings)
What this means (conclusions)
What happens next (options/recommendations) - for this slide I’d usually give a couple of options then open up the floor for discussion.

How can you get to know the project better? That is crucial IMO as someone who suffers too.

I think having slides (if possible) and knowing you can just read them off if that is all you can manage is really helpful. Having the knowledge that everything is already there might give you the confidence to add in more information or explain things more if you think it would be helpful as you go along.

I would just speak to your boss and tell him you suffer with social anxiety and are worried you won't come across as well as you would like to because of it. Tell him you are also concerned because you haven't attended a meeting before and aren't sure of the tone. (My guess would be most people are bored and counting the minutes to get out though). See the response you get and that I think will really help you decide if this is the job for you or not.

You sound exactly like me op. It's prevented me from going for so many opportunities :(

I am like this. One thing I have found helps which I don’t think has been mentioned is thinking about my posture. I put both feed squarely on the ground (no crossed legs etc) and really notice that the ground is supporting me even though my body feels like jelly. It is something reassuring to focus on and turn my attention to to calm myself.
I often find the lead up to the presentation is worse than the event itself.

I think your comments about first time
meeting people and wanting to see lie of land re how to pitch it are very valid. Could you chat to manager who may not have realised. Say you are enjoying working here and want to do a good job. It’s really being thrown in at deep end. No wonder you feel awful.

A practical tip I learned when I was training in legal advocacy was to have your hands on something when you speak. I don't know your work set-up, but if you have a podium or a table of a good height, resting your hands on it will help you to ground yourself, and stop your hands shaking.

Nervousness won't leave a bad impression. Nobody minds if your voice shakes. If anything, those who are clearly nervous yet continue to present are the ones I'm most impressed by, as it shows a lot of tenacity. I agree with others - use a powerpoint, structure out what you want to say, use it as a communication tool rather than thinking of it as a Ted talk, and make sure to breathe. Practice slowing your voice down - it'll make the time go faster.

And yes, if it's completely overwhelming you - raise it as an issue. There's no shame in it, and hopefully your employer can help you to build up to it.

A few things:

Firstly, I'm a manager and if someone came to me worried about presenting, I would absolutely sit down with them, go through it and support in any way I could. Firstly because it's important to develop staff's skills in the interests of the company, but also because I'm a human being and don't want anyone to be uncomfortable unnecessarily.

Secondly, if you've been asked to do this, presumably it's because you've done a good job on the project. Keep that in mind. You know your stuff, and noone will be interested in catching you out.

Thirdly, I also have social anxiety. Strangely I have no issues doing presentations (on stuff I know and am comfortable with, obviously), but get really flustered in more informal settings. I guess this is because, if I'm presenting, I'm in control, whereas at a party or something the conversation is spontaneous, it can go in any direction and it's impossible to be prepared. Does it help to think like that? It's a performance, noone is seeing the real sociallyanxiousss. You are totally in control of what they see and hear, they're a captive audience. If there's going to be a q&a afterwards, you can prepare for that too. Have you got a friendly colleague who can be your plant and ask you an easy question to kick off? If I was your boss, I'd do this.

I think if you come up with an excuse and don't do it, you'll regret it. It honestly does get easier.

I have social anxiety too, but I think you should try and push through this. You mention that you were better at university, and I think tat's typical. But at least in part because the more we do things like that, the easier it gets.

So avoiding it actually makes it worse and worse, and you will find at some point it may start to restrict your employment in ways that are really frustrating.

Personally I'd avoid meds as I don't think they really solve the underlying issue, I'd work on things like practicing, even getting someone to help you has your "audience". Write out everything you want to say, write out the questions you think people might ask. I used to tell myself that if I didn't do it, I would feel like a schmuck later on, which helped, YMMV.

@Porcupineintherough

This was me but a few years in Nigeria (country if the impromptu speech) cured me. If you just do it enough it really does get better.

A friend of mine went to work in a place with a lot of impromptu speeches, he had a job where he was often asked to say something. He told me he basically learned to have a few different "types" that could be adapted to various occasions ready in his memory and he became much better at it over time.

Hiya @sociallyanxiousss You sound exactly the same as me! I'm also managing a project and have had to present a number of times. I absolutely hate it and think about it days, even weeks leading up to the event and it's always fine.

One recent one was where I had to present infront of all the board and senior management. I was terrified but I made a brilliant presentation and delivered. I was so scared and that held me back delivery-wise but I wondered what I was so worried about afterwards.

I'd say practice as much as you can but not to the point where it's scripted and you'd fall to pieces if you went off script or forgot your lines. Just remember key facts. I get on great with my boss event though I'm quite new to the role and I mithered and mithered him to not make me present in front of the big bosses. He made me do it and was really proud of me afterwards. Just remember you know your project the best and tell them like you're selling them a million pounds worth of wares. Good luck. I'm rooting for you!

@sociallyanxiousss how senior are you? Important in giving advice!

Personally I'd avoid meds as I don't think they really solve the underlying issue

I found they actually allowed me to get the practice in and reach a stage of competency which I probably wouldn't have otherwise reached. Now I don't use them as I'm so used to speaking in meetings etc.