Nursery related - am I being a CF?

[Anon2137]

Please be kind, I’m a very anxious person. Obviously I want an opinion but no attacking please.

Went for settling in today with DC(2 years old). I told them my other child used to go few years back and then went to school nursery. They said they remember me and were annoyed I left after they did all the hard work with her (I put her in school nursery - the nursery attached to the school she was going to and is in now). I thought they were maybe half joking but few more things said. I felt a little intimidated, they are the owners and although seem very nice they make me feel a little on edge - think really strict headteacher vibe!

They questioned me on my intentions with DC2 and I explained when it was my daughters Time it was okay as I was not working so didn’t mind doing the 3 hours a day everyday drop off and pick up. Plus there’s no guarantee he will get nursery place in the school as they oversubscribed.

I’m conflicted now and feel guilty if I do get nursery place in school when he turns 3 (well
Term after his 3rd birthday) what should I do? I need him to be in nursery now as he’s being looked after by family and needs kids around him that’s why I’ve put him in this nursery at age 2.

The nursery staff made me feel like they did me a favour in looking after my DD all those years ago. But I paid for it so isn’t it kind of their job? Rather than saying “did all the hard work” then i buggered off!

What does everyone else think?

They sound shit. How weird. I'd find somewhere else.

I'd look for somewhere else

How very bizarre! I think I would be looking for somewhere else.

How bizarre? Is it a small place with an emotionally investes owner?

Plenty of other nurseries - choose somewhere else.

Find another nursery. If they make you feel uncomfortable don't expose your child to them.

They sound like idiots. Their job is to care for your child for as long as your child needs their care. They don't get to dictate how long children stay with them. Everyone needs to leave eventually.

They're holding a grudge and you can't be certain they won't hold that against your son too.

Honestly I’d look for somewhere else. Particularly if you’re at home and don’t it for childcare then it won’t matter if you have to wait a few weeks for a different place to come up.

I would go somewhere else now...before your little one gets settled

They sound awful and weird - I live (and taught in school nursery/ reception units) in an area where every school has a nursery attached and it is very much the norm to send children to school nursery whatever they did for childcare before. I also think it’s beneficial in many ways to do so.

It’s also absolutely none of their bloody business. They wouldn’t be getting my custom, weirdos.

They sound rubbish. I felt bad telling DD2's nursery that I was going to reduce her days and send her to the school nursery for part of each week, so that she made friends with the children she'd be at school with. They were really supportive and said it was a great idea. Massive contrast to your experience.

Agree with pp, their attitude is hella weird. Do you have other local nurseries? I would not feel comfortable leaving my child with grown adults who behaved so strangely and held some sort of grudge from years back but the choice is of course yours.

Find another nursery. If they make you feel uncomfortable don't expose your child to them.

This.

if anyone is a CF, it's them. As you said, you paid for their services they didn't provide them for free.

How weird! My youngest is currently at a day nursery and will be going to the nursery attached to his sister’s school once he reaches their minimum enrolment age of 2.5 years. The day nursery couldn’t care less about future plans as long as you give notice as per the contract terms. After comments like that I’d feel uncomfortable too and I wouldn’t leave my child anywhere I wasn’t 100% comfortable with. Look for somewhere else.

Their attitude is weird, to be honest.

Go with your gut instinct, when you drop your child off you need to feel happy about them being there, nothing worse than spending all day worrying about them. Doesn't sound like they're a good match for up and your child op. Plenty of lovely nurseries out there xx

They’re the CFers not you. Their attitude is weird and unprofessional. I’d be looking for a nursery place elsewhere.

I’m really conflicted. Tbh they were fab with my daughter and within a week got her toilet trained whereas I was struggling for months.

I am working part time and my mum looks after him on my work days - I haven’t forced her she actually wanted to and had been brilliant but I feel he’s getting a handful now for her and now is perfect time to put him in nursery. Plus most importantly mum is going away for a few weeks.

I feel really awkward if I hear from school nursery snd have to give my notice in to them. Settling in is only a week and he’s due to start fully next week.

If I do hear from school nursery then they said he won’t start at the start of term but a bit later - so could be end of jan or beginning of February. My daughter stayed in nursery for 9 months but he would be leaving much sooner maybe that’s what’s annoyed them? But I am paying them for the time he will attend!

I think it was a joke.

I think maybe this is about money? The older children effectively subsidise the younger children because they require fewer staff per child (due to the childcare ratio laws) which may not be reflected in a cheaper fee. So the nursery makes more money from the older children and it's a bit annoying for them if a 2 year old attends for a year and is then removed when she turns 3.

Of course you should use the childcare facility as you need / want to OP. But just trying to explain the logic behind the comment.

Never heard of a nursery having this attitude before, they sound a bit weird, a lot of people move them to school nursery to make friends and get to know the school a little before starting school, it's a good idea and perfectly normal.

'My daughter stayed in nursery for 9 months but he would be leaving much sooner maybe that’s what’s annoyed them? But I am paying them for the time he will attend!'

The problem is maybe that if they give you the space and turn down other children, then you leave in a couple of months they then have a space to fill again. They'd maybe rather find a child who is intending to stay longer.

The thing is he might have to stay in the private nursery until he starts reception (2023). The school nursery sounds like fully packed and might not get a space till September 2022. As he’s winter born he will be in nursery for 2 years.

As others have said, they sound a bit creepy. They provide a professional service, you pay. Your future plans are none of their business provided you give notice as per the contract. Besides, if it's a good nursery, they should have no trouble filling the place when you kid leaves.

Thank you everyone. So if I hear back from school nursery that he’s got a place can I just tell them and give notice in? What shall I say? If they act weird about it not sure what I will say!